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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Depressed
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you not see how awesome you are?!?! I'm sorry you're going through this... :(

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 6:02 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if anyone else suggested this (haven't read all of the responses), but are there any SI folk near you IRL? I had a g2g a couple of years ago, and I discovered that two of the members who expressed interest live in my region. We now get together every couple of months, and it has been not only good for my soul, but a lot of fun. It has been one of the greatest benefits of joining SI. If you feel that this is your safe space, why not see if someone from your safe space can hang out with you IRL?

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 8:16 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3641 | Registered: Oct 2011
Artemisia
♀ Member
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just thinking about you, Myname. So many of us have been to that dark place you find yourself going.

I have read your comments on here and I see you as a strong, stubborn, smart, and talented person. I wish that you could find a way to turn those qualities around and shine them on making yourself healthy. If you applied that stubborn strength to making yourself whole.

On another topic, just think of me as a small annoying mosquito around your ear --- AD's were the best thing I did for myself over this past hellish year plus. They lessened my suicidal and self harm thoughts, and allowed me to take better control of my thoughts in general. I know they aren't for everyone, but they may literally have been a lifesaver for me. From my personal experience, I can't recommend them enough.


Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Myname,

just checking in to see how you are getting through this rough patch. Any relief?

Have you been able to get a good workout in lately? Or done anything else that has an element of self-care instead of self-harm?

I wonder if you you took the kind of approach to your depression that is often recommended to people on diets... like if you eat a salad you don't crave the chips so much, so just work on adding more salad into your diet and it will help replace high-calorie, low-nutrition things.

So if you add more coping things into your life, could it help displace your unhealthy thoughts and behaviors? More exercise, more coming here and writing, more calming and affirming self-talk? Maybe that could help replace the mental beat down you give yourself and the cutting, etc?

Just some thoughts. I'm sending my positive energy your way. I hope the low point has passed and you are on your way up.

((((hugs))))


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1234 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking of you on my drive home this evening after I saw some really beautiful landscaping.

Hope you are hanging in there.


Posts: 7984 | Registered: Dec 2010
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I pray for you all the time. I am going to promise to keep praying for you.

It makes me sad to think of you hurting yourself when you have shown yourself to be so kind to bunnies. A man that takes time to save a baby bunny should always feel like the most awesome man alive. Please stay that way. We care and the bunnies need you.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6661 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had something positive to say. I am in such a deep hole of depression right now.

My self harm urges have been through the roof. I burned myself Tuesday night and cut last night.

I'm sorry.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3091 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
Lostly
Member
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Myname, I am so sad to hear that. I wish there was something more we could do to help. I remember being where you are. I remember how black and hopeless it felt. I remember the pain. What has been happening in these last few months that have made it so much harder for you? Sometimes sharing can help. Please stop hurting yourself. It just breaks my heart that you are that sad.


BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids Dd 19; Ds 17; Dd 15; Ds 13; Ds 11; Dd 10

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.


Posts: 107 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
worried_lady
♀ Member
Member # 27605
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there anything that I could do to keep you from hurting yourself. I feel so bad for you. There is a whole world out there waiting for you. Please stay safe, WE need you!! Somebody does care!! We all care about you and miss you and worry when you don't post. I am sorry for what has happened to you that has caused you to hurt so bad. Whatever somebody did to you, I am truly sorry that there are mean people in this world but somehow we have to figure out a way to not only survive but thrive.

You can PM me anytime. You can call me before you hurt yourself.........anything to help you get past the urge and to help you see that people do care and we care very much. You are a very valuable person. We need you!!

(((MY NAME))))



Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.

Posts: 478 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Texas
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hon you don't have to apologize to us. We don't judge you. We just care.

I was reading your thread in OT - do you think that the depression is being exacerbated by the way that your family treats you - especially lately?

I wish you could say no to them. It's so kind of you to care about the dogs, but you also can't be their keeper all the time. I wish I could help you let go of the hold they have on you logistically as well as emotionally.


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18277 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Myname. I don't make it down to NB very often but your thread caught my attention. I've read through all of this thread as well as your profile and you can add me to your list of concerned SI friends. I agree with the others in that getting help would be best for you. I hate to see you in this much pain but I know it well. Haven't been there in a long time now but I've been there.

Guinness was on the money with the depression hole. Depression perpetuates depression. Pain begets more pain when not healed. Keep talking about it here and get into IC if you can. The talking will keep you walking. That's partially how I dug out of my hole a long time ago. I did let go of life when I was 14 and became very peaceful when I did. Long story there, but I saw that aftermath of a classmates suicide 2 days before I was to carry mine out and saw the ensuing aftermath. I struggled off and on with suicide until I was 20 but kept walking. Then my brother killed himself when I was 21. My life has never been the same. All of my depression and issues stem from my own FOO issues.

I never really dealt with any of it until recently which is how I ended up on SI. Now I'm starting to deal with a lot of things and one of the things that seems to be coming back to me is remembering the feelings of not having any self worth. No confidence. That my life was a waste. I don't feel like that now but I have been getting in tough with those feelings again slowly and hopefully in an effort to heal them this time. I start with a new IC on Thu specializing in EMDR. EMDR has been recommended to me by a few here on SI. I'm going to give it a shot.

Anyway, I hope you don't mind, but I am very concerned about you and I plan on checking in on you from time to time. Can't help myself. I have a special place in my heart for people like us and for all of us here on SI. Time for you to start digging out of that hole my friend.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2348 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your responses.

Jrazz, My family situation certainly hasn't helped the depression. I think the fact that I have to spend a week at their house has caused my self-harm urges to increase. I can't self-harm there so I feel like I have to "get it in" before I go. It's like self-harm is being taken from me for a week and I'm freaking out and clinging to it even tighter. I'm hoping that the dogs cheer me up a little while I'm there. They tend to be pretty good at that.


You can PM me anytime. You can call me before you hurt yourself.........anything to help you get past the urge and to help you see that people do care and we care very much. You are a very valuable person. We need you!!

Thanks. I do have people here that I can PM and people I can call IRL but I don't. I know I'm about to sound like an addict but I need to self-harm sometimes. It's the only way I can get through life. It does help suppress the suicidal thoughts.

For me it's usually not a sudden impulse type urge that passes with time. I come just short of literally "scheduling it in". I know well in advance when I'm going to do it. Sometimes even days in advance. If something triggers me to self-harm I can suppress the urge until a convenient time. I know it's bizarre but just knowing I can cut later helps me get through. My IC says I'm like a functioning alcoholic. I don't drink all week so I can work but on the weekends I'm bombed.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3091 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
Lostly
Member
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you doing? I just wanted to check up and see how you are doing tonight, well, morning now!!


BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids Dd 19; Ds 17; Dd 15; Ds 13; Ds 11; Dd 10

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.


Posts: 107 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A little better.

I have to move my brother today so I'm kind of in work mode. In work mode I get very focused. Issues, pain, social anxiety tend to fade into the background. The only thing that matters is the task at hand. I have a job that I need to get done. Nothing else matters.

I think I just gave my self my morning pep talk.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3091 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's hear it for work mode. I hope you have a peaceful weekend.


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18277 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 35
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