Get used to this feeling - it will be with you for a while. You need to figure out who you are and why you did what you did and make the necessary changes to make yourself a safe partner.
I am only six weeks into this process, and I know what you are going through. The first several weeks were the toughest - feeling horrible about what I had done to her, and seeing her in all the pain she was feeling, knowing that I caused it.
So, ok, you caused the pain she is in. You cannot change that. Accept that fact. Then enact changes in yourself that will ensure that you never do it again. You have to work on yourself before you can hope for reconciliation.
She needs to heal on her own time. You cannot rush this, or get frustrated by it. Remember, YOU caused this pain, you cannot dictate how and when it goes away.
The advice you are getting on SI MUST be followed to get yourself in a better place. Be transparent. DO NOT KEEP ANYTHING FROM HER. I made this mistake and now I am trying to pick up the pieces. Be open and honest.
Me: WH (49)
Her: BW (48)
DDay 1: June 9, 2014
DDay 2: June 23, 2014
Married: 19 Years
Currently living apart, unsure of reconciliation. In IC.