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User Topic: Being worthy
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A internal journey I thought Id share. Feeling worthy is something I struggle with.

Before I met WW. and even though our M. Ive had very low self esteem. As a child I was raised such that I felt that I was a *throw away person*. A person to be sacrificed for a cause. A person that was just a tool to reach an end. As a adult I carried this lack of self worth into every relationship I had.

When I met WW there were allot of warning signs. She never had a long term boy friend. In fact she said I was her first real boy friend. Instead of long term relationships she had many concurrent men that she kept around that she used for sex or for something they had or could provide. For example one of her men had a sail boat and she would go out and sail around with him. The price of admission on his boat was sex of course. Other men she just kept around for sexual reasons. she would have sex with between 2 and 4 different guys a week.

My self worth was so low that I thought she was the best I could hope for. Even after she cheated on me while we were still dating (but I thought exclusive) I thought she was the best I could do. That being cheated on was something I deserved because I wasnt good enough to be faithful to and respected.

Looking back at this it occurs to me that she probably had low self esteem too. Maybe she thought the only thing she had of value was her body?

So we were too broken people who met up. And of course the result was a total train wreck.

For my part I continue to work at my personal internal dialogue. I work at believing I am a person worthy of faithfulness and respect.

I think allot of people focus on the WS to *do the work* to fix themself. But sometimes we BS have work to do too.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a person worthy of faithfulness and respect.

YOU ARE Razor! I'm glad you realize that and are working on yourself and moving forward.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9756 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



I think allot of people focus on the WS to *do the work* to fix themself. But sometimes we BS have work to do too.

I believe you are correct. I know I do.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For my part I continue to work at my personal internal dialogue. I work at believing I am a person worthy of faithfulness and respect.

I am glad to hear that. I think that the faithful spouse usually either does have low self esteem or is a giver, or a middle child who is often trying to please everyone.

I have middle child syndrome. So, I was always trying to keep peace among family members and always somewhat sacrificing my own needs to do this.

I think that is what IC is for and why both the wayard and the BS should get IC.

Personally, I think IC has helped me more than MC

I think allot of people focus on the WS to *do the work* to fix themself. But sometimes we BS have work to do too.

Yes, we have to do the work so we are strong enough to let the wayward know that they can never cheat again, without there being a very serious consequence.

As it is, at this point, I leave the door open to divorce because I realize that I am married to a person who is willing to lie and deceive someone they have promised to love.

With that said, there likely are some marriages in which the spouse of the wayward is abusive.

Still, the remedy to that is to divorce, not to lie and deceive.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1392 | Registered: May 2014
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive had very low self esteem. As a child I was raised such that I felt that I was a *throw away person*. A person to be sacrificed for a cause. A person that was just a tool to reach an end. As a adult I carried this lack of self worth into every relationship I had.

Me too.

Working on it though. Actively looking for a new IC that will push me to deal with this part of me.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2200 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But sometimes we BS have work to do too.

A-freakin'-men to that.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Arnold01
♀ Member
Member # 39751
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same for me, too. One of the biggest breakthroughs I had in IC was realizing that I don't feel worthy of my husband's love. And more importantly, that this is an issue with ME, not with my husband (meaning I would have felt this way with any spouse).

Once I figured this out and started working on it, it was amazing how I suddenly started noticing all of the things my husband does to show his love for me.

So yes, I think betrayed spouses have work to do in many cases as well.


D-Day: June 2013 discovered two-month EA/PA
NC established: August 2013
Reconciling

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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