Is there something wrong with me? Am I really that pathetic or am I just so in love?
I don't even know myself anymore.
Also, you're never here than I am. You don't need an answer yet. I don't want to be divorced. What I'm not sure of yet, is if being with him is preferable. So I told him on DDay that I'm not making a decision yet. I will spend this year trying to heal myself, trying to get a handle on how he is changing, and deciding not to decide for now. In the mean time, we are 'together' because I'm not sure how else to work on us and determine if it's worth fighting for.
Divorce is freaking scary, difficult, exhausting, and plain horrible.
The best advice I can give you is to get IC if you have not already. You will find the answers and yourself again only by taking care of number one.
I am too early in my own process to give you any other real answers. Just know you are not alone.
And you're grieving the loss of the man you thought your husband was (not who he turned out to be).
And lastly, you're grieving the loss of the dream of a lifetime of happiness together.
Some say that in essence, it's like grieving a death and in a way, it is.
What I eventually realized was that I already was doing almost everything without his help. He wasn't the safety net I thought he was. Instead, he was the one causing me all of the grief, pain and stress that I had in my life.
I've been divorced for 11 years now. Things haven't been bad at all. I've managed just fine without my ex. You can too.