Sure seems like a 180 would benefit you now.
Why does he say he love you? Because he wants to throw you a tid bit to keep you on the hook, just in case HE decides he wants back in.
He is gas lighting, lying, being intentionally withdrawn. He might be great with the kids, truly love them, but at the moment that doesn't have any bearing on the relationship the two of you share. Being a great dad doesn't give him a pass on being a crappy husband.
There IS hope, but only if he decides that he wants to change and starts stepping up and you decide you can move past not only his affair but his subsequent abandonment of you and your marriage. That's a lot to get past, not impossible and certainly been done before, but you need both of you in it 100‰