I am so sorry you are hurting. It has only been 3 months sincie discovery for you - combined with what seems like some further disclosures - this means even less time has passed since you last wounding.
Where you are, the depth of pain, confusion and indecision is completely understandable. It is a place many of us have been, and I even will visit every now and then 2.5 yrs out.
I can hear how trapped you feel right now, through you posts. It is ok to take each day to work through your feelings and ride out the roller coaster. It is ok to not know what you want. Don't expect decisions from yourself right now and you husband certainly has no right to ask for them.
To begin to feel safe will take consistent full efforts from him and a lot of work and committment from you both.
It maybe that you decide in the future you can't trust within this marriage again, and it might be that you will choose to give him a chance to show this marriage is safe and he is a safe partner.
At the moment though - you are still in the 'emergency department' you still have very new wounds. some time ago I read an analogy here that likened it to 'first aid' and 'triage'.
I do know the best advice I got here (although it took me months to follow it) was to take care of myself, attend to my needs first, be concerned with my healing.
For me that meant seeing an excellent therapist - for me apart of my 'conditions' to consider reconciliation with husband was him sitting in on those sessions. Through this he heard the depth of pain and injury his actions had caused.
That was one of my first steps - making a list of the 'conditions' and ' environment' I required if I was to consider reconciliation at all. Only after they were established did I feel able to consider wether I wanted to stay in this marriage.
I would understand having 6 children and expecting another is an extrodinary daily committment and it must be a very real challenge to isolate the time you need to give to yourself.
Does he help with this? Does he step up with the children's needs so you can have space to move through your feelings?
I wish for you every possible bleesing SM.