what boundaries did you put in place to help you feel you were staying from a position of strength?
No sex, no intimacy. I take care of the finances, you take care of the house. We share the kids.
You can have all the affairs you want. But, not here in this house, and the kids will have NO CONTACT to the AP AT ALL.
We are divorced. No paper says we are, but de facto, we are. We are setting the rules, the courts aren't.
Interestingly - the affairs stopped. When she was "allowed" to have them, she didn't want them anymore. As, if she can't hurt me by it, there's no need to do it.
However, she was unrepentant.
....doesn't want to accept the very real consequences of his very real actions.
This was not the "best" choice, it would have obviously been better if the marriage could have been worked on, salvaged, and put back together in a functional way for both of us.
However, the consequences would have had to be gone through. She would have had to face her demons and cast them out.
Revenge was one of the motivators in her adultery.
She wanted it more than her health.