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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The pain in the words I Love You
RippedSoul
♀ Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SLAWH actually told his AP that he still loved me, so, naturally, those words now mean very little to me. He actually thought about loving me immediately before shucking his clothes and f'ing another woman? Honestly? So, although I've never physically done the eye roll in response to ILY, I've done it mentally. And since he also fed me the ILYBINILWY line, those 3 oh-so-important words feel like imposters. It was obvious, when it came to those declarations, that we speak a different language. Yet, paradoxically, I needed to know that he did love me. But I needed to know it TRULY! I needed to know it MY way, not his.

So I took a favorite line in our house, changed it a bit, and started a convo with him about it. "You keep using that word (those words). I do not think it means what you think it means." And I asked him to do exactly what people here are suggesting. Tell me why your "I love you" should mean something now. Tell me "I'm IN love with you." Tell me you love me because I'm a wonderful mom. Tell me you love me for loving you. Tell me you love my forgiving heart. Tell me you love me for giving you a second chance. Tell me you love me while giving me a back/foot rub, while stroking my hair, while helping me with the dishes, while holding hands in the grocery store with me. Tell me with your actions that you love me. Tell me in ways that everyone within a 10-yard radius will wonder what I've done to get such adoration.

There is no place for mere garden variety ILY for any who've reconciled after infidelity. Whatever you need to do to infuse those three little words with new meaning, that's what you need to do.

[This message edited by RippedSoul at 5:26 PM, July 16th (Wednesday)]


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 460 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..
Tell me why your "I love you" should mean something now. Tell me "I'm IN love with you." Tell me you love me because I'm a wonderful mom. Tell me you love me for loving you. Tell me you love my forgiving heart. Tell me you love me for giving you a second chance. Tell me you love me while giving me a back/foot rub, while stroking my hair, while helping me with the dishes, while holding hands in the grocery store with me. Tell me with your actions that you love me. Tell me in ways that everyone within a 10-yard radius will wonder what I've done to get such adoration.

^^^^^^^THIS is a GEM !!!

..and this too..

There is no place for mere garden variety ILY for any who've reconciled after infidelity. Whatever you need to do to infuse those three little words with new meaning, that's what you need to do.

Well said RS..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a hard time with it because of how easily be threw those words around with AP.

As a BS, this is also too hard for me. It just like with sex, it doesn't seem special any longer just like if a special love note between to people becomes worthless after it has become the neighborhood billboard.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 498 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RS put it beautifully.

I have always said ILY a lot. I like saying it, I need to hear it often. H has never been big on it, only saying it in reply to me really.

Since his Dday he rarely says it. He stopped completely for about 4-5 months, started again recently but again, only in reply to me.

I've never stopped saying it. I have asked if he would like me to but he said 'say it if that's what you feel'. Difference is, I only say it now to back up my actions. I love him in everything I do. I don't know his LL so I do them all. I tell him why I love him, I tell him what I love about him, I tell him I love him because of something he does. It's more than words now and that's the difference.

[This message edited by BrokenButTrying at 10:56 AM, July 17th (Thursday)]


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
notsoOK
♂ New Member
Member # 44014
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Words mean nothing you told her you loved her before but didn't act like it(affairs). Showing her over a LONG period of time will win her heart. And remember it's the little things we do or say that really let's someone man or women that they are loved

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: South
918Mama
♀ Member
Member # 37756
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ILY means very little to me now. It's sort of just a comfortable expression. How are you? How was your day? Good night, I love you.

He shows me he loves me and that's meaningful. But the words are flat.

You've gotten some great feedback here. Take it in and show her you love her.


Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

Posts: 585 | Registered: Dec 2012
Shero
♀ Member
Member # 44041
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, yes what RS expressed so eloquently! You can do it!

Posts: 74 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: California
GetEvenInAZ
♀ Member
Member # 30891
Default  Posted: 2:58 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here, and apologies if this is confusing (confuses hell out of me!)

My xSO is very unremorseful in that really does seem to have no idea that 6 As in 12 years is not good. And yet I believe him when says still loves me.

The absolute only thing he has done right and which i believe him is say i love you because ...scorpion hunting/politics/issues with kids/etc. These i believe because they are seemingly spontaneous and involve tangibles.

Maybe something similar, stating what at that very moment promoted thise feelings, would help you and your BH believe you?

[This message edited by GetEvenInAZ at 2:59 AM, July 20th (Sunday)]


Me: BW (44)
now xH (44)
20 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, and up to 5 - make it 6 DDays

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: gilbert AZ
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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