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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cautiously stepping back into Reconciliation forum after
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the time back in General.

I asked wh point blank today if I was wrong in thinking he had had a subtle shift to the positive in the way he views this marriage and me. He says he has had a change in thinking and that I am correct.

My next question to him (and I asked him to give it some serious, real thought) is the WHY.

Why NOW? Why not last year? (last known contact) Why not two years ago (knee deep in affair). I'm waiting ....

We've been doing better - baby steps. Really TINY baby steps, but eh.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013
JLyn1128
♀ Member
Member # 41915
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Probably not a lot of help, but I got the same question from my WSO. I didn't know how to answer it. His story was that the reason he HAD to have an affair was because I was immersed in the new house and taking care of HIS grandchild and not paying enough attention (read that as not having sex)to him. We've since worked past that as a reason, but I did have to admit my part in his excuse, and try to remedy it. When I began paying extra attention and trying to be my best for him...doing things for and with him, he asked me that same question. Why now? What's changed for me that makes him important to me. I was floored. I thought I was helping and he viewed it with suspicion. I had to explain to him that I was sorry if anything I had done or not done gave him the impression I didn't care for him or our relationship, but I DO care and made a promise to him to never give him reason to doubt it. That's my part and all I can do. It was a turning point in our R and our relationship. Seeing it from my side may help, because I guarantee that I didn't see it before. He may not have either until it was slipping out of his hands.


Me BSO 62
Him WSO 62
Together 29 years, living together 17. He's been with her off and on for half of that.
OW - Available. Thinks 'love' is in the way he looks at her.
Status - R and hopeful

Posts: 106 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: CA
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like to caution you with accepting small steps.

I have learned that the WS has to be all in. Subtle isn't enough when it comes to R. Especially when you've been waiting like you have.

Accepting little it's here and there is why I'm in limbo all these years out.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11235 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Topic Posts: 3

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