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Newest Member: betterneverlate (44986)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Little Black Cloud Strikes 4 & 5
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should never ask what else could go wrong because then lightening strikes me again
Bought used PC to use to help me with job search. Today it dies. Can't afford new. Used computer place has a gun shop right next door..gee tomorrow I may plunk down my last few dollars at the gun shop instead because thoughts of suicide now taking on real visions with no job, no place of my own & blown head gasket in my car because mechanic over filled oil during oil change...strikes 3 & 4!
Today finally get in to see a life coach counselor to help me figure out why not able to get a job & I have to tell her about my medical condition she promptly escorts me to the door & tells me she can't help me (no I do not have anything contagious..it is a brain tumor I live with)..strike 5
Nice to know I live in such a nice country where discrimination is rampant but I am still allowed to purchase a gun because surely an old granny like me is not worth anyone's time.
I surely don't want to ever be in a position where I might need help. Okay that for 45 years I paid taxes & never collected unemployment or disability
..guess that kind of help is only for the young. But nice to know they still give me the option to buy the gun. Guess the universe is telling me something....I've just been too stubborn to listen...here in the great USA old people are not appreciated or valued but allowed to buy the gun to finish the job so what the state can have my junk car & my last pair of shoes
Just venting but I truly cannot take any more & going to sit in my car now & just shut down....can't even make the move to go or do anything more...


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 326 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear JCG
I am so sorry to hear of all your hardships. This must be so painful to feel like your efforts are not bearing fruit.

Please call the suicide lifeline number and speak to a crisis counselor: 1 800 273 8255. I am very concerned for you!


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5826 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

I don't know what to say but I hope these hugs help.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52220 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((JerseyCowgirl))))


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4146 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry your hurting. I'm not going to tell you to go get help because you will get plenty of that advice and I think you know you need help which is why you may have come on this forum. I have been there...obviously not exactly in your position but to the point where I didn't think I could take it anymore. I went for help and the best advice I got was something that may have saved my life...he said what the hell man, see how you feel in a week. So I waited a week and I still felt like shit but I decided what the hell...let's give this another week. One day one week one month one year.... I'm glad I went for help and I'm glad, so glad I waited that week.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 566 | Registered: Jun 2011
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((JerseyCowgirl))))

Sounds like a terrible life coach!!

Please don't hesitate to call a suicide hotline if the desire to end it gets strong. You do have value.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4173 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lord, please wrap your arms around Jersey tonight. Let her feel your love through the kindness of strangers who comfort her and help her. Lord, help meet her physical and emotional needs. In your precious name. Amen

((((Jersey))))


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6583 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Lostly
Member
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh JerseyCowgirl, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. It breaks my heart. With so many things going wrong at the same time for you its hard to think straight. Is there a friend you can call that can keep you company tonight? I am worried about you being alone.

I have to agree with Norabird, what a dreadfully awful life coach. At least you didn't have to spend anymore time in her company, she sounds positively awful.

Do you have a counselor that you are seeing? If you do can you call? If you don't have one currently they can really do wonders. It may also be a good idea to talk to your Dr about AD's, and if you are already on them perhaps upping you dose or adding a new one to the mix?

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. Please remember you are loved. ((((JerseyCowgirl))

[This message edited by Lostly at 9:57 PM, July 17th (Thursday)]


BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids Dd 19; Ds 17; Dd 15; Ds 13; Ds 11; Dd 10

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.


Posts: 100 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have worth.

(((hugs)))

I think that was a terrible life coach as well.

I have also learned not to say, "what else could go wrong?" or "It can't get any worse." Never worked out well if I said those things.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5824 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((JerseyCowgirl)) Sweetie, I am so sorry you're experiencing these black clouds. What a terrible string of events. No wonder things feel so big and dark right now. You're overwhelmed and it is hard to make any healthy decisions when you are feeling that way.

Sounds like a mental health therapist may be a better help to you than a life coach. Sounds like a trip to your MD for an evaluation for Major Depression might be a very good idea right now. Call someone, get an appointment...today, please.

I know we are just virtual friends but I hope you can tell that we love you, we care about you, we want you to be okay! Many of us have been where you are (different circumstances, same feelings of despair), KNOW that is does get better....


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3135 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Exclaimation  Posted: 8:15 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please! Call suicide hotline right now.

Posts: 4703 | Registered: Dec 2009
Angeles85
♀ Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((JerseyGirl))) Here in CA are many women shelters that also help you to find a job or with medical treatment. If there is nothing like this in NJ you might want to come to CA, I will be more than happy to help you out PLEASE don't give up.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
beingmiranda
♀ Member
Member # 32519
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in jersey too... Don't give up girl. PM if you need a friend to go meet you. We can't be very far...jersey ain't that big.


Me: now 38
Him: up and left for OW
OW: old maid mid thirties with biological clock ticking, desparate for a man.
Divorced the cheater - 8/2011
Married the most AMAZING man - 10/2013

Posts: 795 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: NJ
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JCG,
Please check in with us and let us know how you are doing today. We are concerned about you. Please take care of yourself.
IL


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5826 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump
Worried about you.
Please check in!


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5826 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyway the mods can try & find / track her?

I think she might need a well being check


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Lostly
Member
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am worried, too.


BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids Dd 19; Ds 17; Dd 15; Ds 13; Ds 11; Dd 10

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.


Posts: 100 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 4:58 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am here. Did not mean to worry anyone but hard to get internet access & just needed to take some much needed down time. Stress brings on some very severe migraines for me sometimes & the last round of bad luck just put me out of commission for awhile. But thanks for thinking of me. You guys here seem to be the only support system I have right now. That was my last attempt to get any low cost counseling. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it is okay to be at rock bottom & stop fighting it & just coast for awhile.


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 326 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you check out some books from the library that deal with healing and life coaching?

Hang in there!!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4146 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((JCG)))
Please continue to check in. It is amazing how this community has meant so much to so many! Lean in when you need it.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6583 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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