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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Unanticipated Consequences
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It would be an understatement to merely admit that I had no clue what the possible consequences of my actions would end up being.

On the one hand when my head is not firmly stuck where the sun doesn't shine I know that many possible consequences were brushed aside. Somehow the invincibility inherent in my WS mind excused away a lot of the obvious potential consequences (thinking along the lines of STDs).

But there is one I could not have known about. And I won't engage in much discussion other than mentioning that it involves potential government data accumulation.

I never even considered the possibility that some person who was in no way connected to me might have copies of the photos I took and sent. I never considered that people I do not consent to seeing me naked have. I never considered that even without the allegations of the whistleblower in the situation that I am not discussing, that this could potentially be true if the APs sent them to other people, or saved them on their phones or...

BH sent me a link to an article about the sharing of the photos in that place that I am not discussing. I responded and told him it makes me sick to think about.

It makes me sick NOW. It didn't before because I either didn't think about it, or wouldn't allow myself to think about it.

I was so incredibly thoughtless. "Consequences? Not me, I'm invincible." ~ Wayflost's affair mind


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dint think many people,,especially women, have a clue how many "amateur submits" sites on on the web.

If you send AP a pic of you naked, assume it will wventially be posted, face and all, somewhere.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how those sites work. I always did. My BH and I spoke about Internet safety before during and after my As.

My point was that I threw all caution to the wind while in my As. I edited my face out of photos and hit send. But my body is still out there, possibly.

My point was that I didn't think about it. I didn't care. And now, when I do... There's not a damn thing I can do about it.

Unintended? Yes. Consequence? Yes.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If this has happened to anyone, remember, it is against the law in many states now to post pictures like this of someone. A guy in Colorado was recently arrested under their new law. He posted pictures of his ex-gf and is now in a lot of trouble.

Posts: 4032 | Registered: Jun 2002
SoSorry17
♀ Member
Member # 43415
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as I know, my pics haven't made the internet. But my AP did send them to a lot of BH coworkers. At the time I sent them I never even thought that would happen.


BH-SWAT70 Me-39
Three kids 11,6 and 3
He did file for divorce, the marriage will be ended 10/23/14.

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2014
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by Alyssamd24 at 4:51 PM, July 18th (Friday)]


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 855 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Craig I am aware of the new laws going into effect. It's my profound hope that I'll never have to take advantage of them.

SoSorry that's it exactly. I never thought. Makes you feel a bit sick afterwards.

Alyssa I did mean any of the consequences. Although the post was inspired by my thoughtless photos.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it was a consequence of a decision you made during the A. I hope it isn't out there. I feel for you. STBXWH tried to get me to agree to him videoing us during false R, I almost did it. I'm so glad now I didn't because I could be in your shoes, wondering who else had seen it. Brutal.((hugs))


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1022 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The new laws are not only for posting on the internet, but sending them to someone's phone or email also.

The law in Colorado has a hefty fine and I believe a 2 year prison sentence.


Posts: 4032 | Registered: Jun 2002
Actionsoverwords
♂ Member
Member # 41949
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is a part of WW thinking, that we are all invincible. I've not taken any images or videos of any of the encounters that I've had since I was married, but I can only imagine that it would have been only a matter of time before I went there.

I realized that I and my BW have lost so much because of my sexual behaviors, lies, and inaction. Songs that we used to listen to, we don't because it becomes triggering. Roads that we used to travel down all of the time becomes triggering. You get the idea.

The only thing we can do is to move on and try to make better and wiser decisions. Lord knows that it is hard.


Me: WH, 30's
Her : BW, 30's, (determinata)
Children: An amazing son.
I am a sex addict, working on myself, and facing the wreckage of my actions.



Posts: 257 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.ncsl.org/research/telecommunications-and-information-technology/state-revenge-porn-legislation.aspx

Here is a link to state legislation.

In CO - it's a misdemeanor, but can carry a vey hefty fine.

It's interesting, but some states are saying it's a crime ONLY if the person depicted did not know they were being filmed/photographed. In these states, if you send a selfie, the person it was sent to owns that picture.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I live in a state where there is legislation regarding distribution without consent. So IF I ever find out that anyone distributed my image without my consent (including forwarding to other people) I will have a remedy.

All-be-it a terribly embarrassing one. But It's part of that whole consequences thing.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
PrtyInPink
♀ Member
Member # 44148
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have often hoped that my pictures never made it anywhere. My xAP turned out to be a very sick-minded person. He was a sex addict and of course I was totally oblivious. I can only hope that nothing of mine was ever put out there. God forbid.


Me: 30ish Him: 30ish (99% sure he has NPD)
Together 14 yrs, Married 9 yrs
His #1 EA D-day 10/20/09
His #2 PA/EA d-day 7/11/14
My EA Dday 10/21/09
My brain says leave, my heart says stay

Posts: 246 | Registered: Jul 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of he problem with the quasi commercial,sites is that many are located far beyond the reach of state jurisdiction. Like overseas locations. The laws do apply to local distribution like what a posters OM did to her with co workers. But if recipient sends them anonymously to some site in Rusia or whatever, local authorities have a tough time prosecuting if recipient keeps,his mouth shut.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
capilot
♂ New Member
Member # 43561
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspect OP is referring to the news that's come out that the people who work at the NSA like to pass around nude photos that they collect while doing surveillance.


Me: bbf 56
Her: wgf 47
Dday: multiple

Posts: 28 | Registered: May 2014
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ultimately that is what inspired the thoughts. My BH sent me an article about the most recent discussions.

The sad truth is that in grad school one of the first things they told us was to never put anything in an e-mail or online that we wouldn't want being public. They are absolutely right. Once it's sent electronically it is easily intercepted. Not just by government agencies, but by hackers etc.

At the end of the day it didn't matter when I was in my As.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
BecomingMe
♀ New Member
Member # 44183
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had these things happen to me apparently DURING my LTA. After D-Day, OM's BW found that he was running a secret Domination Tumblr blog for years with thousands of followers, called “How Women Should Be.” On this blog, he detailed OUR sex life, and supposedly posted sexual photos of ME, without my permission or knowledge, with many posts themed around humiliating women. He also formed online long-term relationships with more women through this blog, acting out the details of our real-life sex life with them online. WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES THAT? All the while professing to me his undying love and eternal commitment?

I am really traumatized by this exploitation and feel so violated that I am even inhibited during sex with my own husband. I never dreamed that my AP would do such horrible things. I was so stupid and blindly loved him.

[This message edited by BecomingMe at 2:28 PM, July 21st (Monday)]


Posts: 18 | Registered: Jul 2014
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BecomingMe

My heart goes out to you! What a creepy thing to have done to you. I hope that you are getting counseling to help you feel safer again.

This is exactly the sort of thing I was thinking about. I know nothing about what my APs did, if anything, with the photos I sent. There is an assumption on my part that the photos were most likely deleted. None of them wanted to get caught. One of them out right lied to his BW about whether or not I was telling her the truth about the nature of our relationship. She went out and hired a PI. Because of the field in which he (and most of them) work, I think they would be wary of going so far as to submit them to a site, or to send them out. Then again, there are stories like SoSorry's where her AP did just that.

There is nothing quite like the fallout of an affair to leave you feeling stupid.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
BecomingMe
♀ New Member
Member # 44183
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Wayflost. You are the first person to have said those words to me besides my husband. It really means a lot, and it makes me feel less alone in all this. Yes, I am in therapy, though some days I don't know how in the world I will ever get past it. Even being raped as a teen wasn't as horrifying as this, because I trusted and loved my AP so much.

And ironically, even though I am the OW, I can relate to a lot of BW here because of what OM did to me. This betrayal has definitely helped me feel more understanding and compassionate toward OM's BW. The scumbag really did a number to both of us. (And no, I'm not discounting my role in everything too.)


Posts: 18 | Registered: Jul 2014
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BecomingMe)))


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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