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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Control of thoughts
nogoodap1
♂ Member
Member # 38595
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you control every single thought that enters your mind through out your day? whether it be visual, audible, or thinking of them like words on paper, or not think at all.

Can you stop a "trigger" of a memory if you randomly think of a time or a place?

Reason why I ask this is because I had an issue in my head today. I was day dreaming about a song and thinking of how it's a good song to dance to with my BGF. Although I could pay for the song to download it and put it on the iPod and put it in the player. I was thinking about how when we go out we never hear it except in the car maybe once or twice. And I was thinking about the places we go and the music they play an no places play that song so we could dance(which we probably wouldn't but that's the point of a day dream) and I thought of the last time I went somewhere specifically to dance was with an ex of mine which also happens to be a place my BGF has been too. And I thought of how weird it would have been if the last time I was there so was my BGF and we didn't even know we were there.

Then I thought of the last time I was there and how I was infatuated with my ex-gf's friend. I literally built up an EA/PA in my head with her so say the least. So I visually thought of a lot of the things that happened. I pictured her dancing with a man at the bar and rubbing up on him to where her panties were exposed(this OW I had built up in my head). Meanwhile I tried to stop these thoughts from coming in, but not very successfully. I don't want them to come in I want them gone and I struggled with stopping the thoughts. Once my head thinks of stuff its hard to stop from visualizing it. Whether it be a hamburger or some woman from my past...to include ALL the women I've lied about to my BGF. I'm usually able to stop most thoughts from happening. But why was this so hard? I agree in my past that I enjoyed the thought. But with who I am becoming today I don't want it. So how do you erase a memory? or make sure you never visit it when remembering a time or a place?

I told my BGF about the thoughts today. She is disgusted with me. She believes I still have feelings for this OW. She says that if I'm thinking about her and remembering her in this way, that it's because I want to and that I'm minimizing my reasons or what it actually is. I told her I was really struggling hard to push the thoughts away, and was having a hard time with it. I started the conversation by saying "you wanted to know when this shit happens...so..." I even tried to explain to her that just like she has triggers of the way I've hurt her, I'm going to have triggers of the OW that I enjoyed and the pictures will be sexual. It's all the same. She is completely pissed off and wanted to throw something. She thinks I'm full of shit and am trying to downplay what my head is doing.


Me: WBF
Her: BGF
Status: I'll let you know when I know. working on us and I'm becoming a whole new and improved me.
D-day #1 2-18-13
D-day #2 6-13-14
D-day #3 8-17-14
*Only PM with men, thanks*

Posts: 129 | Registered: Mar 2013
ImSorry11
♀ New Member
Member # 43517
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IC is teaching me EMDR. It helps with triggers and can help with redirecting thoughts. Are you in IC?


Me: WW 31
Him: BH 34
DDay 5/23/14, 4 month EA/PA
Married 8 years Together 11
3 Beautiful Kiddos under 7

Posts: 42 | Registered: May 2014
PrideFallen
♂ Member
Member # 42002
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The random connections and paths your brain can take will sometimes lead you where you don't want to go. If this weren't the case, life for our BSs would be a lot easier. There are techniques like EMDR that might help; I admit I'm not an expert on that side of things.

I've used the perhaps unscientific device of visualizing a wall coming in to block my view of the memory/visualization. Obviously if the memory or thought is intense you might need something more.

I think you asked the key question, though, when you said "why was this so hard?" In other words, why was this particular thought on this particular day so hard to shake? I've found that when I'm having thoughts that are wayward-esque and outside my (new) pattern, it means that something is going on with me emotionally that I haven't fully acknowledged and that I need to examine. Usually a fear or resentment that I haven't dealt with.

When I recognize this kind of thought pattern, it almost creates its own redirection because my energy goes to examining what's going on and the thoughts themselves naturally recede.


Me: WH, 40
Her: BW, 40
D-Day June 2013
Working on R

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jan 2014
nogoodap1
♂ Member
Member # 38595
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is EMDR?


Me: WBF
Her: BGF
Status: I'll let you know when I know. working on us and I'm becoming a whole new and improved me.
D-day #1 2-18-13
D-day #2 6-13-14
D-day #3 8-17-14
*Only PM with men, thanks*

Posts: 129 | Registered: Mar 2013
familyfirst
♀ Member
Member # 42651
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you stop a "trigger" of a memory if you randomly think of a time or a place?

Short answer is no, but you can control if you dwell on the memory or not. One of my favorite quotes is "you can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from building a nest in your hair"
When a thought hits, work to stay in the present. I read on SI to look around the room and mentally call out all the different colors you see. Pick something new for your brain to focus on

I told my BGF about the thoughts today

It sounds like you're using your BGF as your therapist. Not fair to her. What kind of response were you expecting? Compassion? Share this with your IC

Posts: 223 | Registered: Mar 2014
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is EMDR?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). It is a form of therapy used for individuals who have experienced (unresolved) trauma.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Topic Posts: 6

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