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User Topic: We are all so Specific on our d-day dates.
Brokenworld
♀ Member
Member # 15293
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have two dates that will never be forgotten.
How can you ever forget the dates that altered your life?

July 23, 2003 - I discovered a receipt for jewelry - never meant or given to me.
August 20, 2004 - 13 months later when I confronted him.


Me: BS
Him: FWH LTA 10+ years
Married:32 years; Together 34
In R I pray
1 Daughter; 1 Son
D-Day 7/2003
Confrontation 8/2004
Relapse 8/2006
Reconciliation...2008

Posts: 144 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: SE US
FeelingMN
♂ Member
Member # 32240
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing that my first worthless MC said that sort of made sense was to try and think of the calendar as more linear as cyclic. That kind of worked for me. That meant that I only allowed dday to have one day of my life. It's a nice theory anyway.


Me 41
fWW 37
DD(19), DS(17), DD(11) (Mine, hers, ours)
Together 14y, Married 12
DDay Aug 2010, 4 mos TT & gaslighting
ONS + EA after 15yr Class reunion out of state

Posts: 267 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Minnesota
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

July 26 was not my D-Day (that came about two weeks later) but it was:

-The birthday of my dog, who died two days after I found out I was pregnant for the first time
-The due date of that pregnancy, which I lost
-The day my husband got head from a paid escort

I do not like July 26. For me it's worse than D-Day.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6921 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

August 14, 2012: I confronted him and bludgeoned him into a confession. I was not surprised at his confession, but what did surprise me was learning that the A had been going on since 2003, just before we moved from OW's city.

July 19, 2003: WH f*cks OW for the first time. Our marriage is thereby dissolved, spiritually if not legally.

I know the above date from some photos taken that day. I doubt if FWH is even remotely conscious that tomorrow will be the 11th anniversary of his decision to betray me. It will not be an easy day for me.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The d-day that I list in my profile is actually the night I confronted. I actually went through months of discovery leading up to that date.

However, I had the wrong date in my profile for two years

7 years out and it's not a big deal anymore. You will get there


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20446 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I consider dday the day we got our marriage back....we plan on going away every year to our favorite spot....


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 06-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 676 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Conversely how many here have WS that DO NOT remember the date of Dday?

Mine has seems to have no idea.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jan. 26th, 2009. The day passes now without me remembering but ask me and I can tell you.

WH, on the other hand, has no clue.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

April 20, 2007.

yeah, there were some 4/20 jokes between them that I read that night.

But I don't remember my second dday. It's either August 3 or 4. Don't know, don't care.

I don't think I'll ever forget the April date, but it holds much less power over me. It was acknowledge by us this year, but we spent about 5 minutes on it and went about our day.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6646 | Registered: Jan 2011
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Conversely how many here have WS that DO NOT remember the date of Dday?

I doubt he remembers the YEAR.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6921 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2/19/09 - the day I surprised him by moving out. I thought the previous few years were due to family stress, how silly of me!

March 09 - I do not remember the exact date I found out about bitchface. Just know I did it all wrong - confronted him in MC THAT day. wrong, wrong, wrong (newbies...learn from my mistakes!)

He is, and has always been, terrible with dates. So he does not remember much, but what he DOES know is this....I have the memory of an elephant when it comes to events and dates!


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1329 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can tell you the exact date AND time. It is like a demarcation in time -- there is Before and then there is After.

However the antiversary of the date 9 years past no longer affects me. I don't acknowledge it and recently it has come and gone before I notice.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Deanna
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Cool  Posted: 3:31 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I just went to write my d-date and I am not sure of the date? November 9th I think.
The days events are burned into my head however the date now has little significance.
Our life changed forever but believe it or not almost all for the better. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but if you survive it you can go on to have a wonderful new life together.

[This message edited by Deanna at 3:33 PM, July 18th (Friday)]


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1474 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
lostcovenants
♀ Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the replies everyone - FYI my DDay is my H birthday - he can celebrate that by himself. I'm not buying him something nice for his birthday. Last year (right before DDay) I bought him a damn boat. Am I naive or what? Soon after DDay I went with him while he fished - I waited on the shore reading. He took that opportunity to text a biker chick he met in a bar that he was fishing "alone " and wished she was there. What an assh*ld. The sh*t he did to me after DDay is especially painful as he did it AFTER witnessing my AGONY. A year out and still wondering if this is worth it.


Haha! The jokes on me, another DDay November 20, 2014! A date that will live in infamy, along with July 8,2013, oh yea and 36.5 years ago right after we got married. Hat trick!! WH is tremblingaspen. Life sucks.

Posts: 177 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

July 29, 2012... She woke me up at 9:15ish AM to tell me that the reason she had been acting strange the past few days was that she had met someone new at work a week and a half prior, had spent the night at his house when I was out of town for work the week prior to Dday and she was pretty sure he was her soul mate so she was leaving. I hadn't even had my coffee yet. Hell of a way to start a Sunday.

Posts: 1808 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm one of those who never paid attention to dates prior to Dday. My DDay is Dec. 27, 2010, late in the evening. I caught him texting the AP minutes after we had had sex. It was a memorable holiday gift.

After that searing experience, I reconstructed my life with a calendar, receipts, phone records, etc. Every date is burned in my brain. The memories of what we were doing and how he acted and my constant confusion are still crystal clear. The dates mean absolutely nothing to him; he's oblivious.

As the years since Dday have passed, the dates have less power but they're still noted. It's all so very sad.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 8:19 PM, July 18th (Friday)]


Posts: 729 | Registered: Aug 2011
beingmiranda
♀ Member
Member # 32519
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember the dates very clearly. However 5 years later they come and go without much thought. It becomes less significant. You'll see.


Me: now 38
Him: up and left for OW
OW: old maid mid thirties with biological clock ticking, desparate for a man.
Divorced the cheater - 8/2011
Married the most AMAZING man - 10/2013

Posts: 797 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: NJ
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes but do you notice that they never remember when they last talked to OW? I have a theory on this. In AA they say if you can't remember when your last drink was that means you haven't had your last drink yet. I told my husband that if you can't remember when you ended it with OW then it hasn't ended. Sure enough he admitted a few weeks later it didn't end when he said it did. I said well when did it. "a few weeks after". Yep, still hadn't ended.


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 518 | Registered: Apr 2014
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont remember specific dates with XWH because 1) there were so many that it all blended together after a while and 2) he and I havent been together in a long time, so it no longer matters to me.

With current WH, since it just happened last weekend and I was completely blindsided, I wont likely forget for a long time.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6684 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
imarriedmymother
♂ Member
Member # 34360
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cant remember the day i got a hole in one, cant remember the day i bowled a 300 game, cant remember the day my dad died but 9/9/11, my wife told me she had a boyfriend, fucked him, and fucked some stranger............guess its just a day you don't forget.


M 24 yrs
DD 9/9/11
Drunken ONS w/aquaintance, EA/PA with co-worker. Moved in w/AP 10/1/11, Kicked Out 12/19/11
Recongealed

24 years down the tubes, but at least I lost my man boobs.


Posts: 81 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: upper u.s.
Topic Posts: 49
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