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User Topic: Is the fog over? Did she change? R?
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Despite what you may suspect or feel, not all women out there are lying cheating whores. I predict that pretty soon, at age 35 with only one kid, you will become a hot commodity on the market. Every single,woman you know, and every married woman with an unattached gf will make it her mission to assure that you don't remain lonely too long.

You are far far from detached yet. Your exWW is still in the grip of crazy. She scorned you, ridiculed you to return after ? Happened between her and AP (maybe he didn't like her cheating on him???) and now she's trying the hearts and flowers approach. I guess being single isn't as much fun as she thought it would be.

She is toxic to you. You have absolutely no way to know that she has remorsefully reformed. With that short period of time, not very likely she has. She's gone from active A to harpy to sad ex wife in a very short period of time. She's either brilliantly scheming or,crazy. Neither bodes well for you if you take her bait.

My mamma told me you better shop around. Old Motown words of wisdom.

Or are you hell bent on following down the path of some other posters here who appear not to be happy unless their lives are filled with personal drama and abuse from WS? I doubt it.

[This message edited by Schadenfreude at 3:19 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She cheated and lied a lot and for a long time.
She claims she is going to continue to work on herself regardless of whether you "come home" or not.

Taking both of those into account I would advise you to do nothing. Just quietly watch her actions. Don't dissuade her but don't encourage her either.
Most importantly do not get your hopes up.
This isn't a quiz where you can give your friends a heads up on the tough questions. You cannot drop hints about what she should and shouldn't do. She needs to figure this out on her own for once.

If she is sincere she can certainly invest half as much time into fixing her issues as she did in betraying the M and seeing OM.

D final 8/2012

Posts: 4103 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
♀ Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's the major difference between your XWS now and your XWS then? It may be medication. If so, then I'd advise you simply not to make any major decisions about her. Don't date her, don't discuss dating with her, just watch. With meds in her system and weekly IC on her calendar, maybe, maybe your XWS could someday be someone safe to love again.

You do not have to wait around for her, though. When you interact, treat her kindly. If she presses you for information about rekindling your relationship, find some stock answer that you can give her, something generic about needing to heal yourself and needing to find yourself. In 6 months or a year, after you are stronger and she perhaps is, too, then you can contemplate it.

But why rush anything? You are divorced. You are free to date. You have the precious commodity of time to pay attention to your own needs, to have IC, to recover from the devastation of infidelity. When you're ready, you can revisit all these questions. If you still feel love for her a year from now, ask us again. For now, I simply don't know if YOU are out of the betrayal fog far enough to think clearly. Give your poor mind a break. Allow it to stop worrying and wondering. Let it find peace. Revel in that for awhile. And know we're all wishing you the best!

BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 478 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bro, this woman knows how to play you like a fiddle. Your right about one thing and that's the fact your plan B. It took her breaking up with OM for her to realize that she loved you. That to me speaks volumes about her character or lack thereof. She had NP basically fucking OM right in front of you. She had zero remorse emotionally destroying and breaking you down. She could care less that her M went right into the dumpster while OM was still in the picture. Then all of a sudden when you left and D her, OM naturally had a change of heart and dumped her ass. Why do you think that happened ? Well its because after you D her and she was free to be with him she called him on his bullshit promises he gave to her when he was getting NSA sex on your dime while M to you. Once she was no longer an easy piece of ass on the side and wanted something more, the fucker did what most OM do and that's bail on her skanky ass. He wants no part of a relationship with her and dumped her cheating ass. It was then and only then that's she all of a sudden has this great epiphany that your her true love. Bro, give me a fucking break !!! I especially love her CC'ing you telling him that she loves you. Talk about bullshit. Her primary intention with that e-mail was to try and make OM jealous. And the secondary intention was to toss you a crumb of hope just in case M did not give a shit. Well OM does not give a shit and now your once again secondary.

Don't fall for this line of crap she is trying to feed you. If you take her back OM will once again want some NSA sex on your dime. And I'd bet my left nut she will be screwing him as soon as you take her back. Don't be a fool here brother. This woman has some serious issues that need to be addressed professionally. Until she takes the proactive steps in fixing herself there is no hope of a successful R. She is broken and you cant fix her. Your ahead of this game right now by being away from her. Do yourself a favor and keep it that way. Your a young man with a whole life ahead of you. Find yourself a woman worthy of your love. One who has morals and conviction, not some piece of damaged goods that finds herself alone and thinks she can sweet talk you into repeating a very bad time in your life.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5831 | Registered: Nov 2007
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the kick in the ass people! I needed that. After breaking my back putting myself through college, working hard at my thankless career to put her through school, building our house and nest for our son, here I lay reading your posts on a bent futon in a small hot spare bedroom at my mothers house. Everything I own is either in this room or in storage. All of my and my sons tinker projects. Everything I worked for... Gone.

She destroyed everything for that skinny surfer mother fucker!

She makes a ton of money. More than me. I worked sometimes everyday to put her through school.

Here is the best part!! I have become and emotional eater. I gained 40 lbs. Im a fat loser that lives with his mom.

Im trying to save money for my own place. My IC is trying to help me with the eating and detachment.

I need to get out of this rut. I appreciate all the advice.

BH: 36 (me)
WS: 31 / OM: 31
Son: 12
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:25 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She sounds mentally ill, even with the medication she's supposedly taking. Do you REALLY want to invite this crazy back into your life?

You should do some reading on co-dependence. It sounds like you have that proclivity.

Move forward with your life; treat her with respect as the mother of your son, but do not let her con you into taking her back. She has a LOT of work to do if she is ever to prove to you that she's healthy now. You don't 'magically' change. Just saying pretty words means nothing.

You are correct in saying she is not getting the ego kibbles from the affair any longer, as it is no longer an affair now that you're divorced.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20456 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
♀ Member
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She destroyed everything for that skinny surfer mother fucker!

Good for you PRNDL! Get pissed!!

Here is the best part!! I have become and emotional eater. I gained 40 lbs. Im a fat loser that lives with his mom.

Give yourself a break. This is tough stuff.

Posts: 822 | Registered: Apr 2011
Topic Posts: 27
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