My father died of a massive and unexpected heart attack, he had never been diagnosed with heart disease. As shocking and devastating as my fathers death was to me the loss of my marriage was worse. I was comforted and still am by knowing that my father would of never left me for as long as he had breath in his body. My XH chose to hurt me, he chose to leave me for someone else. After 28 yrs together he chose her. The hurt, and soul crushing pain of that choice is a pain I will carry with me forever, and although I have healed and I have rebuilt my life, that is a hurt that I will always carry with me. Unlike a widow I have to hide 28 yrs of pictures and memories, and I can not sit with any of my friends and family and just remember the good times.
He tainted all those memories as well. Not to mention the shame and embarrassment I felt anytime I ran into someone at the store or at church. Widows do not have to hide in shame, they do not have to wonder if people are blaming them for the loss. For myself it would have been easier if he had died, but for my sons sake and for the sake of our future grandchildren I am glad he is not dead.
[This message edited by Embers2Fire at 1:54 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]
I was there when the God awful gut wrenching sobs escaped her soul and I believe that no matter how we lose our H our grief and the process is the same.
My father passed away month after my STXH left me and she actually cried for me. She also is getting support from family and friends. I have found my true friends and family are here to help me. What is really strange is that my mother nd I are facing many of the same things, just for different reasons. Opening accounts, changing registration, insurance, and the list goes on. Plus we are both grieving the loss of our H. My parents were M 48 years and she is struggling with her loss. I was M 23 years, together 28 and am also struggling with my loss og my H but also my father who I miss everyday.