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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: i finally saw everything. Not sure how I feel
Rubix
♀ Member
Member # 44099
Default  Posted: 4:30 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the chat with H yesterday. He told the truth about things , I had all the answers but he didn't know that. Still claims he never cheated and I saw all disgusting messages and pictures that were sent to and by him that were on the account as I asked him to open it for me. He didn't want me seeing them (obviously) as he thought it would hurt me reading them. Yes it was volga stuff but I preparer myself for that. Plus, I wanted to make sure that he was telling me the truth. Nothing to show he actually met with any of them. Just teasing and dirty talk. He has said I can have access to every account. He deleted that account in front of me. I saw all secret folders. Everything. He seemed genuinely remorseful and agreed that he needed therapy. Because he is so broken he hates himself and needs "ego boosts" and without help he will just do it over and over again or worse. We are going to try and R. I have mixed feelings atm.


BW: (25) WH (29-RemorsefulHubby)
kids: mine:DD 5 ours:DS new born.
Married: 6 months now seperated.
D-Day: 13/06/2014 - craigslist account and other dating profiles he won't admit to. Secret hotmail account.
D-Day 2: 9/8/2014- admitted to ONS.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Northamptonshire
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Rubix, sorry you find yourself here on SI! First of all it sounds like you are off to a better start than most so that is promising. There will be a lot of good people to give you advice and encouragement on this site. The mixed feelings is normal for the situation. The good news is that you don't have to make any substantial decision right away. Regarding your wh, his initial response sounds promising. There is a saying here on SI that is very true, "actions not words." What that means is it is easy for a wayward to blow smoke and tell you what you want to hear, don't believe what you hear, believe what you see them doing.

Wish you the very best in this healing journey!

BSB


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 261 | Registered: Sep 2012
Jomarion
♀ Member
Member # 43659
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are going through this pain. It is devastating when you see another side you didn't know was there in someone you love. I agree that it is a good sign how quickly he is cooperating with you. I hope it is genuine and continues.

Yes, actions, not words. And, I may add - SUSTAINED actions. Not just a little blip here and there, a crumb of remorse when necessary to keep you happy.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you face all this. I hope hope hope it comes out good for you in the end.


me:BGF, 54, American immigrant. one son. me and my ex get along great, the most amicable split imaginable!
him:WBF,43, Polish immigrant
together since 2006,
DDay:October28,2009,after his 3 teen kids push him to cheat with OW.
5 betrayed me

Posts: 192 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
Jomarion
♀ Member
Member # 43659
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are going through this pain. It is devastating when you see another side you didn't know was there in someone you love. I agree that it is a good sign how quickly he is cooperating with you. I hope it is genuine and continues.

Yes, actions, not words. And, I may add - SUSTAINED actions. Not just a little blip here and there, a crumb of remorse when necessary to keep you happy.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you face all this. I hope hope hope it comes out good for you in the end.


me:BGF, 54, American immigrant. one son. me and my ex get along great, the most amicable split imaginable!
him:WBF,43, Polish immigrant
together since 2006,
DDay:October28,2009,after his 3 teen kids push him to cheat with OW.
5 betrayed me

Posts: 192 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
Rubix
♀ Member
Member # 44099
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, I just get so worried that he is going to someday turn around and tell me he is gay. By then I've wasted my life with him. I just replay everything I saw and I get so angry and hurt all over again.


BW: (25) WH (29-RemorsefulHubby)
kids: mine:DD 5 ours:DS new born.
Married: 6 months now seperated.
D-Day: 13/06/2014 - craigslist account and other dating profiles he won't admit to. Secret hotmail account.
D-Day 2: 9/8/2014- admitted to ONS.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Northamptonshire
Trying2LoveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rubix...I'm SO sorry for the pain you are experiencing! Unfortunately, it is a long & painful journey, but you will survive no matter what happens with your M. Hopefully with IC your WS will begin to heal. My prayers are that this will happen. As for replaying it, the "mind movies", this seems to be a "norm" for BS. Maybe others will have suggestions on some ways to help these. I'm 10 months out from Dday & haven't yet found relief from them. But, I will say, time does seem to help with all of this nightmare. Take care of yourself first & foremost. This all can take a toll on your physical health as well. Sending prayers & hugs your way!


Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 301 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
Trying2LoveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add that reading here on the SI site in the Healing Library has helped me. You might want to visit there when you are ready.


Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 301 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
Rubix
♀ Member
Member # 44099
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much! Everyone here has been so supportive and lovely. I seriously think I would of shut down if it wasn't for everyone here and their help and advice.


BW: (25) WH (29-RemorsefulHubby)
kids: mine:DD 5 ours:DS new born.
Married: 6 months now seperated.
D-Day: 13/06/2014 - craigslist account and other dating profiles he won't admit to. Secret hotmail account.
D-Day 2: 9/8/2014- admitted to ONS.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Northamptonshire
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't really understand how sharing sexual images and thoughts isn't cheating. So he didn't have physical sex - he certainly shared enough of himself, and gained sexual gratification from others. He may not have had actual sex, but so what? There are emotional affairs, physical affairs, etc. Cheating is ANY sharing of something that should be exclusively for the BS.

Honey, he cheated, a lot. Don't downplay this betrayal by letting him talk you out of what you know. You're here, on a site for those that have been cheated on. Why did you seek out such a site? Because you felt cheated. Because he cheated.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Rubix
♀ Member
Member # 44099
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree painful. That's why it's so hard to move on from. I thought I was being silly thinking that way. Actually thought I didn't deserve to be on this site at one point. The fact it was before we were married and having a baby, just doesn't make any sense to me. Not to be Volga but finding out about all this has messed up my libido alot and the results of sex. I have trust issues and trouble opening up emotionally anyway. He was the one guy that made me feel safe enough to open up to and felt comfortable enough to be myself around and now it's all gone to hell again. I feel like the same stupid naive girl I was when I was with my first WS.


BW: (25) WH (29-RemorsefulHubby)
kids: mine:DD 5 ours:DS new born.
Married: 6 months now seperated.
D-Day: 13/06/2014 - craigslist account and other dating profiles he won't admit to. Secret hotmail account.
D-Day 2: 9/8/2014- admitted to ONS.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Northamptonshire
gabear
♀ New Member
Member # 43995
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found this today - going to try to live it. Hope it helps

Sometimes recovery is waking up early to write in coffee shops and practicing yoga and eating lots of fruit and chocolate and sometimes itís staying in bed all day and hiding from the world until you can stop crying. All of this is okay. Whatís important is that you take care of yourself no matter what kind of day youíre having.


Still in love just broken

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Georgia
Rubix
♀ Member
Member # 44099
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this, gabear. I actually have been writing alot. Diary, letters (how I really feel but would never show him) and lyrics. I'm trying hard to stay healthy but sometimes get so stuck inside my head I forget to eat or drink.


BW: (25) WH (29-RemorsefulHubby)
kids: mine:DD 5 ours:DS new born.
Married: 6 months now seperated.
D-Day: 13/06/2014 - craigslist account and other dating profiles he won't admit to. Secret hotmail account.
D-Day 2: 9/8/2014- admitted to ONS.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Northamptonshire
Topic Posts: 12

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