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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I just had a huge confrontation with OW
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm shaking right now and really beating myself up. So the Gnat showed up in my hometown to pick up my my kids at my mom's with.....hello Kitty in tow!

I was so shocked and I just reacted. I cannot believe he would bring that whore to my mother's house! I lost it. I called her a whore and asked why she was even here. Why she couldn't give my kids 48 hours alone with their dad? I know it really upset my dd. I'm sitting here crying now because I feel so bad. I know I should have taken the high road, but I just lost it.

She was so unbelievably snotty to me. She told me I was a bad mother, etc. Really, bitch? Who do you think has cared for these kids 24/7 while you two were fucking around? I didn't say that though.

Talk me down. I'm shaking.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 9:04 AM, July 19th (Saturday)]


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 959 | Registered: Mar 2013
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't really know what to say but breathe...

Take some time to calm down. After you've done that, take some time to review the confrontation in your head so you'll be better prepared next time.

These kinds of conflicts are good for nobody; it accomplishes nothing. It's especially bad for your kids, who no doubt had to listen to continued dialogue about you and the event as they drove away to wherever they were going.

I try to remember the saying "The best revenge is living well".


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 386 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We all make slips. I know I did when I didn't expect exwh to bring the whore to pick up our kids for visitation and there she was. The important thing is to not be so hard on yourself and get back on the high road.

Try to reassure and comfort dd. I have explained to my kids that the whore has done something very hurtful to me and that we will never be friends but that doesn't mean they can't be friends with her. I hate saying that to them but I don't want them to feel torn or put in the middle.

Sometimes our emotions get the better of us.

And don't listen to hello kitty about parenting...she knows nothing about what it takes to be a good mother. YOU are a great mother.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 659 | Registered: Jan 2012
AmSoDone
♀ Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sb))

Don't beat yourself up, shit happens and you are only human.

Review what happened, try to see how and where you could've acted differently and as CM said so you are better prepared for next time.

Then dust yourself down and get back on that high road horse.


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your reaction is very understandable. Don't beat yourself up over it as we all have been there. Its was a scummy move on your WH part by bringing the OW to your Moms house. And if you think about it they got what they wanted. They wanted a reaction out of you and sadly you took the bait. So now who looks like the irrational one ? Yep its you, but learn from this and never, ever allow them to manipulate you into making a scene ever again. Much better to concentrate your energies on healing yourself. But there is nothing wrong with sharing the truth about the OW and your WH. The one thing good about being a BS is that your usually privy to some juicy and often embarrassing facts about the two cheating bastards. And I see nothing wrong in sharing that information with people. That's includes their families, friends, coworkers etc. The truth can be a very powerful weapon if used properly. Know what I mean ?


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5825 | Registered: Nov 2007
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to be enormously unhelpful here and completely honest.

OWUmpteen is going to have shreds torn off her and publicly ridiculed as loud and hilariously damaging as I can manage should she ever dare bring her inbred, bucktoothed, man hands, whore mug anywhere near me. Not my home. Not my girls school. Certainly not my childhood home.

That is a fact. I'm AOK with it too. I would try to move my girls out of earshot or if that isn't possible I would still do it but stick to PG words.

It would probably take me doing this about 20 times before I tired of it.

High road my arse. There are some places with no roads. My space being one of them. She's welcome to the douche - I could thank her for distracting that hot mess from thieving one more second of my life. But she doesn't get to set foot on my my territory without a hefty tax.

As for her whore talk? Whore, I don't pay you so I don't have to listen to the sound of faeces dripping out of your rancid mouth. Take yourself elsewhere and see if anyone else is interested in your 2c daily rate.

I'm sorry your DD is upset. Is she upset that there was ugliness or does she feel responsible or the cause of it? Set your guilt aside and talk it through with her from her perspective.

IMHO this is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. This is extreme provocation and quite frankly I think you would be crying whether or not you said something. It's not right. None of it is right but this is up there with the most wrong.

((newlysingle))

[This message edited by SBB at 11:36 AM, July 19th (Saturday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that this was the natural outcome of OW invading your space. As for her commenting on your parenting, F#$% that B#*&@!!! Our parenting plan has a clause about requiring other people to not disparage the other parent in front of the kids. I think it's time the Gnat and Hello Kitty got a letter from your lawyer.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1962 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You had a totally understandable visceral reaction. You're a good mom.

Please take care of yourself.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
What2Do76
♀ Member
Member # 30349
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry newlysingle. Clearly this was a setup to hurt you. WTF is up with those pathetic people? Hugs to you and your DD who have to put up with this crap. They are going to try this again, so be prepared. A reasonable person wouldn't bring OW in the first place, so there's no point in asking him not to bring her for pick ups or drop offs. Is there any way you could negotiate with a lawyer to prevent this from happening? Sigh.


D-Day 11/20/10
Love Is Not Constantly Wondering If You Are Making the Biggest Mistake of Your Life

Posts: 379 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ontario
Lostly
Member
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unbelievable. How dreadfully insensitive and awfully horrid of the OW. How DARE she put herself OVER your children??? How DARE she go to your parents home???

It sounds to me as if she is threatened by you. What, she couldn't leave him alone for even a few minutes? Is she afraid her AP might cheat??? Hahaha!!! Idiot.

[This message edited by Lostly at 11:19 AM, July 19th (Saturday)]


BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids Dd 19; Ds 17; Dd 15; Ds 13; Ds 11; Dd 10

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.


Posts: 107 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Ns))

Listen to SBB for proper words to use for next time.

I can't run across the words Hello and kitty without thinking about you. I was in Warsaw, Poland the other week at the national poster museum. There was a poster with "Hello Kitty" printed on it, a over an exit sign. I took a photo of it for you, and will try to figure out how to get it to you. Next time you can show the bitch the photo and point out where the exit is for her dumb ass.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2013
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Who do you think has cared for these kids 24/7 while you two were fucking around? I didn't say that though."

That part you really should've said. I would've went nuts too. That's my biggest fear. Shame on them both.


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 518 | Registered: Apr 2014
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((newlysingle)) Don't beat yourself up over this - perfectly understandable. Just help your daughter get past this and move on.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5336 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It would be a nuclear war if my husband ever brought the OW near anyone in my family. If all you did was yell, you showed great restraint.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4261 | Registered: Sep 2005
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG SBB, I think I love you.

Newlysingle, please don't beat yourself up over this. They did it on purpose to get a reaction.
Unfortunately they got one.
Reassure your DD and keep your head up high.
YOU are not the whore- Hello Kitty is. And while she's strutting around thinking she's won some grand prize (Gnat), you know better.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6682 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you in jail because of your reaction? No. Is she a filthy whore? Absolutely.

You know there will be another time now that they know this is a good way to push your buttons. Try practicing some snark. It'll make her feel about 2" tall instead of the other way around.


Posts: 1807 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At least you didn't do what I did and take a baseball bat outside with you and tell the bitch to leave. The AP sticks to the WS like glue when they are around the BS because they are threatened by the BS.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4801 | Registered: Feb 2008
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for the support everyone. I'm in route with my mom and sister to visit my uncle. I'm feeling better and realizing that I needed this outburst. I've done it now. I've confronted that bitch after a year and half. I'm glad it's over and I have no need to ever do it again.

The best part of this though, is that the mystery is gone. I've built her up over time that she must be beautiful, etc. Well, she has a mustache! I'm not joking! I saw the shadow over her lip from my mom's front door. She also has a flabby gut. Now, I've got some flab myself, but I've also given birth to two babies, one of them over 10 lbs. She has no kids. It is true that they affair down.

Kg201 - I can't wait to see the pic!


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 959 | Registered: Mar 2013
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I did something similar once. It's ok. Don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes the high road is overrated.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called her a whore and asked why she was even here. Why she couldn't give my kids 48 hours alone with their dad?

Well I for one think you were easy on her

I amof the same mind as SBB.

He better never bring his married whore around me or my kids, and I let him know that in no uncertain terms

My kids would shame her too

[This message edited by shiloe at 5:58 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 631 | Registered: Mar 2003
Topic Posts: 61
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