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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Body image issue?
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I've been on a posting spree lately but I guess that's what SI is for. Posting sometimes helps me just get what's in my head out there although I hesitate posting this.

So I haven't worked out at all in months. I have a very physical job so I'm not at all out of shape.

I've noticed that I'm not as defined as I was over the winter. I had a 6 pack that I was so proud of (not that anyone ever saw) and now it's just sort of faintly there. I looked good and I knew it. I felt good too.

I look in the mirror and just don't like the way I look anymore. I can see the difference. I just look soft. I'm not fat or overweight in any way. I just can't see all the muscles that once were there.

Nice abs were important to WW and I never had a 6 pack until recently, long after we were S. It made me feel good. Like I came out better than ever. It felt almost like a bit of revenge. Loosing that now bothers me a lot. My self esteem has taken a big hit as a result.

I guess I'm just posting this because it's been bothering me for a while. I'm not looking for any advice or responses.

I know that I just need to get back to working out again. It wouldn't take all that long to get back to where I was. Maybe 6-8 weeks. I'm starting to slow up at work so I should have time again. Motivation is a bit of an issue though.

I know working out helped with the depression and obviously seeing results in the mirror was a major boost to my self esteem.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3008 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know working out helped with the depression and obviously seeing results in the mirror was a major boost to my self esteem.

Here's your motivation, friend. Don't let the fucking demons of depression win. You can beat them.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13732 | Registered: Jul 2011
LineInTheSand
♀ Member
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice abs were important to WW


Take it from me, a lot of women don't care if their man has a six pack. Don't believe the hype. They are nice, but I'd rather have a dependable, honest, faithful, and kind man than a beefcake.


I think hitting the gym/working out is a great idea! I know I feel better when I'm in shape (I'm not at the moment). So get back out there and pump some iron!


Posts: 495 | Registered: Jul 2008
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, abs don't matter to me. I know this is probably wrong.... but I sometimes assume that the super in shape and good looking guys are conceited and rude, and I tend to go for more of the good looking average guys.

If you work out again, do it for yourself. The good girls won't care if you have abs or not.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1148 | Registered: Jul 2013
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've actually heard that most girls don't really care about abs or some big muscle guy. I don't really believe it but that's what I've heard.

It is really for me than anything. It's what I want for me. It's not like I will EVER walk around without a shirt in public. So no one will see but me anyway.

There is that element of revenge towards WW. Like look what trash you threw away.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3008 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guess reaching the point where you don't associate your body with what your wife liked should be a goal. Do it for you.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7635 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually prefer a man that isn't perfect looking. Those people don't have much "beneath the surface", and I"m looking for deeper. I actually tend to shy away from guys in great shape.

I want someone real, not someone perfect.

Exercise is great for our bodies and health, so look at it from that angle. You are looking at yourself through a filter of your WW instead of what you think of yourself or what your closes internet friends are saying.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4127 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
gardenparty
Member
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get it exactly. I have always been in good shape, not from working out but because my job is so physical. The last month and a half I have been working an office job and I feel it. My skin feels less tight and I am less energetic. I don't really care about how my ex would feel about it but I feel it.


divorced!

Posts: 2672 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you want those abs for you, go get them! As a woman though, nope, I don't care.

Don't beat yourself up for not having a perfect body but also change your body to be something you're proud of if this is getting you down.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4135 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say that having a body I'm proud of is 75% for me and 25% for other reasons/people. Basically if the only reason was for me, then that would be good enough. I mainly want to look good for me.

I did workout today and although I am tired and sore and am not as strong as I was 3 months ago, I feel good.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3008 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 3:33 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um... I like abs

My X didn't have them, though. And I still loved him to death. So in the end, it doesn't really matter.

But if they make you feel better-- get your abs back.

I relate to what you're saying here. I got down to a size 0 on the infidelity diet. I was fitting into sample sizes and looked like a model for a short time (meaning, not healthy, frankly). But there were some upsides that just made me feel better: something about feeling lighter and having more energy. So, like you, I'd like to get back to more of a medium where I've lost a little weight and I'm trimmer, but not clearly sickly like before.

And I agree with others that your X shouldn't be the reason you do it. Do it for you (although looking good in front of the X is fine motivation to get you to the gym, as far as I'm concerned).


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the best shape of my life thanks to the infidelity diet!


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 562 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Myname - I struggled with the same thing for all my life, but that was mainly due to childhood issues. This is purely a self esteem issue. It has lot to do with not feeling "enough." It is totally understandable why us BSs, especially men, have this problem. I don't know if this will help. Take it with a grain of salt, but here is what worked for me.

I was taught something while in a military training program and it virtually cured my body issues. It was a concept of physical fitness based on survival, and from a book called "on combat." I wish it was mandatory reading for every young man. It does such a good job of explaining the male body and how important physical endurance/health is to our overall emotional/mental health. I stopped caring how I looked after I began working out for endurance purposes only. The book will motivate almost any man to shape their body into the machine it is, regardless of depression. The concept is simple - do lunges till your legs go numb, do knuckle pushups on asphalt till they bleed and your entire body is shaking, then sprint till your throw up, then do some more pushups till every vein in your body feels like it is about to explode. You'll realize something though and that is your mind will give up way before your body will. You can actually keep running while throwing up, then run another 5 miles. It's called, "stress inoculation" training and is meant to simulate what it is like to fight for your life, without actually being in any real danger. The way I keep pushing past the point when my mind wants to throw in the towel is I imagine my future daughter and my sister in front of me - they have guns pointed at their heads, and if I go to my knees, they will die. I know it sounds insane, but it works. The point is, just think of anything you need to in order to keep yourself going right when you don't believe you can, or you think your knuckles will break (trust me they will only get swollen, and they heal fast!).

As a man, you will gain such confidence in your physical and mental ability that looks no longer become a factor. I never once felt as if I was less than the OM in any way. Hell, I know I could make this guy swallow more blood than he ever knew he had in him. But more importantly, when I went through the toughest points in my life, my body saw me through it. I don't know if I could have survived some of the crap I went through if I wasn't in the physical shape I was in. I give all the credit to that book.

[This message edited by justme1264 at 12:49 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]


"You will be tried, tested, pushed, betrayed, and hurt. You will feel pain and sorrow. During these moments if you remember but one thing, remember this: Never go to your knees - don't give up." -Justme

Posts: 304 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
Topic Posts: 13

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