Update: attempting to reconcile
Keep doing good things for you. The tears will dry up. It's pretty tough. We get it.
Take it day by day - you will have good and bad days, you will have days that feel overwhelmingly like you can't do this...I have had plenty! Don't be hard on yourself in your process, focus on your healing and the M will follow if it's meant to be (IMO). Try to do some things for you that give you enjoyment - coffee with gfs, walks, exercise, read, buy something special, etc. Those little things have helped me feel refreshed and distracted at times, and have offered a bit of relief from the constant emotional struggle. If you don't know how you feel right now, that's ok. I've had those feelings of just knowing my love for him, my respect for him, etc just aren't the same right now, but hopefully with time he'll regain these things in my eyes to some degree.
Crying is releasing some of your pain, it's helping you grieve. Allowing the emotions to be felt is what helps them subside according to my IC, so don't be hard on yourself for having so much pain still...you're not alone. Take care
I almost pity my husband....he is so remorseful and feels like a total screw up. I never thought I would say this, but I almost feel like being a remorseful WS is worse than a BS. If that even makes sense.
I feel I'm in a better place. I don't have to see the woman who I married and loved fall to her knees sobbing at times. Completely devastated.
It's got to really suck to live with that. I'm glad I'm not the Ws
Since then, I got thru the holidays. I maintained my composure in seeing her BS her kid. Her patents. I got thru many events that she was part of years before
I'm okay. It's not pity. It's disgust. It's "I'm glad I'm not him".
I get why and how it happened. I just am disgusted by the details and how low he sunk