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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do you think about the affair every day???
neecee
♀ Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone had a day or days when you actually didn't think of the affair? I am praying that someday I will go through a whole day without thinking about the OW or the A. This morning when woke up, it wasn't until I was up for about 45 minutes that I thought about the A and my "new" life. I just want to have a day when its not on my mind. Is that possible?????


What doesn't kill me.....better run cause when I get back up I'm gonna kick some ass!!!
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 141 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 2 years out from d-day #1 and the affair is on my mind every stinking day. Some days it creeps up in the oddest moments, but yes, I think of wh and his affair every day. I am hopeful that as we get further from d-day #3 and he continues to do the work that the thoughts will subside.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013
lostcovenants
♀ Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is my prayer as well. I think of his cheating everyday, ever hour. I think I have finally gotten past every minute. Your life became an episode of The Twilight Zone. How could you not think of it everyday? My fWS says he almost never thinks of it unless I bring it up. How nice would that be? I got a nuclear bomb; he got relieved of his secret burden. This sucks.


BS 60; fWH 59; 2 children, 1 grandchild; Married 37+ years, he is my only; D-day 7/8/13; MOW, PA 2009-?. Broke it off about a week before I found out. Sexting on cheating forums 14 YEARS. Idiot me. STATUS UPDATE - SEPARATED :-(

Posts: 167 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 21 months out and I think about it everyday. Many, many times throughout the day. I wish I could have 45 minutes in the morning when I wake up that would go by before I remember, but the best I have done so far is about 12 minutes. And that was months ago. I am not as consumed by it as I was. But, it is on my mind most of the day. There are still days (like today) where I have to fight to stay. Where I have to fight to stay sane. But, it is easier now. Hard to believe, but it is.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
sarahstar
♀ Member
Member # 43889
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been 6wks for me and I try not to think about it. When I do, I feel like I will go crazy. But I am not at the stage where I don't think about it daily, not sure when that day will come. As stunnedin12 said, maybe as dday gets further away, it might get less and less. I do find that I don't think about it constantly during the day though like how I did the first month. So it is easing very slightly. Definitely worse when I am alone.

Posts: 113 | Registered: Jun 2014
Hatemyhusband
Member
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

8 months and yup. Every. Single. Day.
But. The ow was heavily intertwined in my life. She and I were close. Our sons were also. We live in same town. Affair was two years lomg

So I pass places my h screwed her at daily. I pass where our children played. I run into her family. I run into her friends often

Every single day. Good thing is on most days I can toss back in the box with the rest of shitty events in my life and move forward.


Posts: 354 | Registered: Dec 2013
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely have days where I don't think about it... and that is saying something because I'm HERE practically every day.

It's such an amazing thing to be able to support people without triggering. That's not to say that it doesn't happen, but it happens less and less.

My FWH's A doesn't pervade my daily thoughts like it used to, even at 2 years out. Time really and truly does heal.

(((All y'all)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
lilflower1000
♀ Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm about to hit the second anniversary of Dday and I still think of it every single day.. Several times a day. Even when I am not thinking about it, it is in the back of my mind. Hard to explain, but it is just always there especially when I'm with WH. I will say it is less graphic at this point for me. That is one plus for me.


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every single day.....


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 627 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At 19 months out. Yes, I am sorry neecee but I do. I certainly don't obsess about details anymore and I don't find myself in bed crying or anything like that. The hurt is there. It's deep but it is not a constant.

Time. I know that sucks to read but, its true.

((neecee))


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2462 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. I don't. Which, as Jrazz says, is a bit difficult since I spend a lot of time here. I have my triggers and I have my bad days, but mostly, I don't think about it. Yeah, I do have scars and I have some issues that I am having to deal with that have arisen since his A, but I'm working on my issues, as is he, without needing to "go there" every time.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We just passed the six year mark and yes I think about it at some time every single day.

What has happened is that it doesn't bring me to my knees with heart crushing pain anymore. Just a deep sadness if I stay there too long.

I try not to give it too much head room. Some days it works, and some days not so much.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..

..raising hand !!!!! ..sadly, yes.. over 5 years out

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 10:59 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just 5 months out from originally finding out about the affair and there isn't a day that goes by I don't think about it. If anything, I think about it on an hourly basis.

It just sucks. There is no getting around it. People who do this to their spouses are ultimately selfish and immature. Or at least, my stbxw is. Broken or not, what they did has permanent consequences.

The only thing that helps me is trying to refocus my thoughts about the affair to how I can move forward. I don't know if this helps.


Don't kick me when I am down. Because when I get back up, you're f*cked.

Posts: 406 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
BW2639
♂ Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two an half years...every day in some form or fashion. But same as was mentioned earlier, it doesn't bring me to my knees anymore


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

coming on 3 years and not every day but 4 out of 7 in a week. I don't freak as much but it still is there.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Buckeye Wife
♀ Member
Member # 28702
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, yes.

Flatlined123 stated it perfectly for me.

Hang in there!


BS (Me): Forties
FWS(Him): Forties
Married over twenty years
DDay: 1/20/10
R'ing

Posts: 1035 | Registered: Jun 2010
Lark
♀ Member
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still every hour... I'm just hopeful it'll be less painful, mind movie, devastating a few years out. I could handle, I think, thinking of it as a matter of fact type thing that twinges with pain. ... I couldnt handle this daily devastated feeling for years :(

Ow1 was moon obsessed... both of their nicknames were "moon-" something. They sent daily pictures of the moon. He bought her a moon necklace engraved with her nickname. They emailed poetry about the moon.

So I'm pretty sure as long as the moon is in the sky, I will think of it. Which really sucks because I liked to do a space theme with my daughters, stargaze, and teach them about the moon cycles. He took ow2 for a stargaze+oral sex date. So all of that is now out and a horrible trigger... just ugh.

[This message edited by Lark at 12:13 AM, July 21st (Monday)]


“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore

Posts: 740 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
Sunnydaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 43756
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every.Damn.Day.

Almost Every waking minute. For the first time in a long time, I am wishing time would fly by, everyone says the pain lessens with time. I hope that is true.


Posts: 63 | Registered: Jun 2014
morethantrying
♀ Member
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

18 MONTHS OUT: every day and often multiple times:

WHAT HELPS? Keeping busy with things I like, job, reading...but you can't keep busy ALL THE TIME.

THINK ABOUT ME: trying to spend less time thinking about him, what he did, how he is changing, how I feel ABOUT HIM, and focus more on ME. WHAT I LIKE, WHO I AM, WHAT I WANT TO DO...this new person, confident me, will actually be more attractive to him (I hear)...but anyway it certainly helps me. HEY, kid, FOCUS ON YOU, YOU , YOU.

A HABIT: thinking about it has become a HABIT. You can't break a habit but you can form new ones. I am working on forming new habits where if my mind strays, I think of the things I am BUSY WITH. It is a lot of work to form a new habit. I hear it takes about 45 days in all...I keep at it.

[This message edited by morethantrying at 1:06 AM, July 21st (Monday)]


Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 305 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 72
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