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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WS's new quest for health is triggering me like crazy
JustOneMoreDay
♀ Member
Member # 42945
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost two years ago, I quit smoking. It was so hard especially since WS still smoked. That same week, unbeknownst to me, WS started an affair that went on for 20 months. He wasn't particularly supportive of my quest to be smoke-free. He was just.....well...nothing.

Fast forward to today....it's his first day not smoking. I am trying my best to be supportive because it is a super hard thing to quit. Why now though? Of all the things I asked him to do, honestly, this wasn't at the top of the list. Yes, him being healthier is great but he gets super irritable and we are three weeks from Dday 2. I need him not to be that way. Secondly, I really don't want to hear how hard it is for him right now. It's ticking me off. Lastly, the motivation behind it seems purely selfish. He wants to buy a new truck. At some point, prior to DDay, I suggested he quit smoking to do that. He also says that he is doing it to make not smoking easier on me. Wtf? Really? After almost two years?

I sound totally unsupportive, I know, but I really would have preferred he did any of the myriad of things I asked him to do.


Me -BS 39
Him-WS 38
Dday #1 February 14, 2003 EA(not a typo. He did it AGAIN eleven years later)
Dday #2 March 17, 2014 LT PA
Dday #3 June 29, 2014(found evidence something had gone on with his sister's best friend)
Dying Inside and in limbo

Posts: 124 | Registered: Mar 2014
Lark
♀ Member
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is he quitting? We know a few family friends that quit using that pill and it worked great without the irritability and crappier side effects.

Is this possibly his idea of showing you is sorry and is putting in effort to change himself?

I think quitting smoking is great but yes the side effects at this timing are pretty crappy since he'll be focused on his own withdrawal


"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul." - William Ernest Henley

Posts: 515 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
SeeingRed
♀ New Member
Member # 43015
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get him a vape. It will take the edge off and then you won't have to deal with the irritability. If that's not something you're comfortable with then just tell him now is NOT the time to quit. Seriously, 3 weeks after D-day he decides to do something that causes severe irritability and anxiety because he's wants a new truck?!?!?

Posts: 42 | Registered: Apr 2014
JustOneMoreDay
♀ Member
Member # 42945
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is quitting using Champix. It is great that he is trying to quit. It just isn't great that he can't multi-task. He can't be supportive and deal with his cravings at the same time. It's either
/or.


Me -BS 39
Him-WS 38
Dday #1 February 14, 2003 EA(not a typo. He did it AGAIN eleven years later)
Dday #2 March 17, 2014 LT PA
Dday #3 June 29, 2014(found evidence something had gone on with his sister's best friend)
Dying Inside and in limbo

Posts: 124 | Registered: Mar 2014
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suggest you go online and check out the side-effects of champix - it's dangerous stuff.My H and I gave up smoking about 9 months post d-day using it but both of us couldn't complete the course due to side-effects. It does help remove the nicotine craving but completely messes with your head. Super irritable was putting bit mildly, we nearly came to blows. And I suffered the worst depression of my life, woke up on several occasions in the middle of the night wondering if we had enough pills in the house for me to end it all. Really scary stuff, that's when I decided no more champix. I cut down gradually instead of going cold turkey and very glad I did,as you can read on the internet the effects of stopping champix suddenly can be worse than the effects of continuing.

I think your H taking champix and your d-day being only 3 weeks ago is going to be really hard. Sorry, but you (and he) should research this stuff.


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 225 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JustOneMoreDay, I understand what you are saying. You are okay with him quitting (and actually would be more supportive) if it wasn't getting in the way of YOUR healing. And honestly, your healing needs to come first right now. I agree, it does seem like he is being a bit selfish.

If he can't quit smoking AND be supportive of you, he may need to put that aside for a bit. 3 weeks from D-day and 100% of his thoughts and actions should be supporting you through your trauma. He can quit later. I wonder if he is doing this so he doesn't HAVE to be so supportive or something?

Have you talked to him about your feelings with this? You need to be 100% honest about it like you are here with us. And he needs to be 100% honest about why he is choosing right now, when he knows you need him more.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15227 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 6

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