have heard you say that if he agreed to move you don't know that you would want to. So I am not sure how much of a sticking point it really is for you. I believe that you are extremely reluctant to put both feet in at this point, because you don't feel that he has felt your pain enough.
^^ This is what I was getting at regarding the fact that you might just be ok if he was willing to talk about the move and that if he agreed, that just may be enough that you might not even need to follow through. I don't get the feeling that it is the actual move as much as it is the idea that it is not even on the table for your husband while he knows that this is an important issue for you. Your conversation with your individual counselor is to me, the crux of the matter:
My IC said I need more reassurance from him and to accept where I am right now. That if he meets some of my emotional needs that I will start to heal faster. I need to ask him what his priority is and what exactly that looks like to him. I said shouldn't people do anything to make amends? She said yep.
The moving or not moving is a symptom of you not feeling valued. If you felt more from him in the way of having your emotional needs met, you may be able to take the importance of the move issue and bring it to a lower status.
I think that it is precisely because he sits right where you do that may be the challenge; but it is because you have both been hurt and both of you need more healing. But it can be done if you are both motivated to get there, and it sounds to me like this is the case.
The question of why you would fight for a marriage where you do not feel cherished at the moment is not a hard question to me. You love him and he loves you; you are both hurt and have both done work to stay. That does not mean that it is easy and that the work is done, and while you do not have the result currently that you desire, this does not, in my opinion mean that you will never get there. What does your gut tell you?