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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Date Complaint
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay.

Started dating not too long ago. Some good, some...not good. But I'd like the experience so off I go.

Anyway...I'm just writing to vent a complaint because this one guy actually flirted with the server or store employees while on the date while they served us.

Then, before I even left the parking lot, my phone started beeping like crazy with "how was it?" from the guy, who had so many red flags I stopped counting. Beeping messages went on all the rest of the night and the next morning. I seriously thought of a poof and could not believe myself but omg...

I did end up writing back very politely "It's not you, it's me" type thing and haven't heard anything since.

I know that I'm a little more tight on boundaries, but for me, I would not flirt while on a date...or stare...or anything else but the guy I was with. Perv did this throughout the whole marriage and I'm not out to compare, but it rang a buzzer of "Oh, no".

So...one for the history books I guess.

Thanks for vent. Maybe will leave my head now.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah...that was definitely in the category of NEXT!!!

If he'll flirt in front of you, I can only imagine what he'd be comfy doing behind your back. Ick.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, GB...that's what I thought on the way home.

He actually said to me, "She wants me." of one of the servers.

Then at the end of the date (he was very late) he said, "BTW, I've had two wives!"

My eyebrows spent a lot of time up in the air. I was as polite as could be and didn't really reply, for lack of what to say.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 11:36 AM, July 21st (Monday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He actually said to me, "She wants me." of one of the servers.

Oh my doesnt he have a high opinion of himself.


Then at the end of the date (he was very late) he said, "BTW, I've had two wives!"

Key word there - HAD.


My eyebrows spent a lot of time up in the air. I was as polite as could be and didn't really reply, for lack of what to say.

You're nicer than I am. I likely would have gotten up and walked out.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This guy sounds like a tall glass of poop juice. Run like hell!


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 746 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good lord. He was a winner wasn't he.

At least he was polite enough to wave all his red flags in your face on the first date so you don't have to go through another one.

(seriously though, do guy like this actually get second dates? I cannot imagine....)


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should have said, "Its not me, its YOU!"


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then at the end of the date (he was very late) he said, "BTW, I've had two wives!"

Huh. I wonder if they were his wives, or someone else's?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9637 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well...at one point, he asked how much time I had to stay or when I had to leave.

I don't wear a watch often anymore so didn't know the time, but gave it another 1/2 hour and bolted.

All of married life, Perv did that behavior -not the words-but paid more attention to other women than me and because of who "old me" was, and the blinders, I tolerated it. Yes, I did try to talk to him about it and he got very, very angry, as if it is his right to ogle women.

He was also shocked when I said it was something not all women like. So I'm sure I'm the bad one even more now with the new lifestyle and finding of OW to let him, but thank goodness, it doesn't matter anymore. It only came to mind after the bad date.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ewww


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15321 | Registered: Jun 2006
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of married life, Perv did that behavior -not the words-but paid more attention to other women than me and because of who "old me" was, and the blinders, I tolerated it. Yes, I did try to talk to him about it and he got very, very angry, as if it is his right to ogle women.

That's what it was like being married to The Princess. She flirted with every single man she met, and would even tell me about the ones she flirted with when I wasn't around to see it. I had decided I was one of those cool, non-jealous types. Never again.

Be proud that you aren't putting up with that horseshit from anyone else!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1894 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also have an ex-Doosh who flirted with anyone who had a vagina. His excuse? That's who I am! You want me to change who I am to make YOU comfortable?

Uh, yeah, something like that. Don't mention that when we first went to MC all he did was tell the therapist the multiple things wrong with ME and what I needed to change for him to want to stay married.

Ha. Thinking about that now just makes me laugh. What a Doosh. So happy my new SO never does this shit.

You deserve better Ashland- so glad you know it, too!!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3580 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His excuse? That's who I am! You want me to change who I am to make YOU comfortable?

^^^ THAT!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1894 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes.

This came out in flaming red with Perv at MC, who would never, ever go with me at the same time, after the first visit.

MC said to me at one point, "does he drink?" because his sessions were so sporatic and all about me-when he did keep his appointments-and were all about my errors and his complaints.

He has nothing to fix because nothing's wrong with him. As long as his ego is fed, he'll keep a person around. When he is challenged, complained at or tried to have discussion with, he keeps these thoughts for someone else's comfort, hides the resentment and squirrels them away for later.

So I just couldn't see starting out this way all over again.

You know, these are habits he had that I tried to tell him about began way back 20 some odd years ago.

And one of his exit complaints was when a close relative mentioned the ogling to me in front of him when we were about 17 years old. He was mad at her for it, too, all this time. But kept it inside all these years , where I would have tried to say something so I could move on.

Credit to you, Pass, for taking that route. I did it for a long time. It wreaked havoc on my self esteem and made me feel like crap every time.

You know, during one of the false R's, we had a dinner to celebrate R. I'm thinking of it now because he ruined it with this very thing! I wondered later, if OW was in town, because he was always staring at groups of girls or women who came in the restaurant. If I mentioned it, he would say, "Oh, traffic", etc...and to this day when I'm down, I think how much of an idiot he must think I am...but I'm learning that I'm not.

Thanks for the validation here.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 1:52 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 14

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