Are you in IC? MC? What is he doing to help you heal?
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, with a new baby on top of everything it's a lot to take in.
Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August
He needs to understand that until he faces what he has done, and the two of you work through this together, you are going to be angry, sad... and you won't even begin to trust him until he does.
And you need to decide why you are willing to tolerate his abuse? You deserve so much more than what he is giving you.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
But then he persuaded you to get back together, even though he continued to court ow. That's cheating in my book, too, as well as in yours.
Very gently, I think what you're doing wrong is sticking with him. He sounds like an abuser and doesn't sound like relationship material at all.
My suggestion is that you read about and practice the 180, with a goal of detaching from him. You deserve much better than he's giving you.
Given his abusiveness, I don't think he'll change. He certainly won't change unless he's forced by circumstances to do so. The 180 may be just the shock he needs - but do the 180 to strengthen yourself. It's not a technique for changing anybody but yourself.
You need to seriously ask yourself if your love for this man is enough for the both of you, because I see no love for you from him in your posts. Doing the minimum required to shut you up and then getting angry when it doesn't, isn't love in my book. Is that how you want your baby to view relationships as it grows, with mummy walking on eggshells to keep daddy happy and when she fails, being verbally abused? You guys haven't been together long and I know you have have a baby, but you don't have to live like this. I would run, run for the hills, bring your baby up with nothing but love and a strong grounding in morals and empathy for others.