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User Topic: Do you think the OW or OM is truly sorry?
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell no! They are just sorry they got caught.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
PrtyInPink
♀ Member
Member # 44148
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they did, they're lowlifes. Cheaters. Liars.

Fuck them.

LOL I like your attitude!

For a very small second I believed she was sorry. She even said that WH had been bitching about something I had done. She didn't even remember what he had said! She said "He was bitching about something you did. I don't remember what it was. Oh right, you had cheated". She's lucky I wasn't in the same room as her or else I would have punched her ugly witch face.

But that brings me to my story. I'm a madhatter, so the tables have been turned on me. I wasn't sorry for what I did to my AP's BW. I only felt bad that she was 8 months pregnant when she found out (and of course HE never told me she was pregnant. I found that out only a few weeks after I ended the EA). He never talked bad about her, never talked about her at all actually. So I didn't have any image of the type of person she was. I don't think that makes me cold or heartless. The only person I cared about hurting was my BH. My BH had spoken to her the day I told him. She said she isn't surprised because this has happened to her twice before. So I guess in my mind that was her problem because she knew what type of person he was and she chose to stay with him.

Quite possibly the same thing the OW in my current situation thinks. She probably doesn't feel bad. She was probably in heaven that an attractive man was showing her attention. She even told me that it was nice to get compliments on the pictures she sent him because she doesn't have a social life. Whatever bitch. He probably would compliment a donkey if he knew he was getting pleasure in return.


Me: 30ish Him: 30ish (99% sure he has NPD)
Together 14 yrs, Married 9 yrs
His #1 EA D-day 10/20/09
His #2 PA/EA d-day 7/11/14
My EA Dday 10/21/09
My brain says leave, my heart says stay

Posts: 200 | Registered: Jul 2014
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't care. It doesn't affect my life either way, so long as the loser stays out of it.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Beyondme
♀ New Member
Member # 42583
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No i don't believe they are sorry at all.My WS told her he did love her before even letting me know that. She told him to separate from me before having sex. She had morals NO! She wanted him to give up everything and he did. In the midst of separation now. I did get in contact with her at the beginning and she did quit her job and told me they were in love and if he didn't love me there was nothing i could do. No sorry! She did end up leaving for China and told my husband not to contact her because her heart was broke. No sorry she didn't care who she hurt and what he gave up. I think she is just waiting for the divorce and lets see if the grass is greener on the other side. She made him loose his family and friends and turned him into a shell of a man. I have never seen a man cry that hard for a women, and every text i sent her there was no apology just that i was an alcoholic housekeeper and she is so better she worked in his cafeteria lol but still no sorry!! If i ever see her i will run her down and i won't be saying sorry!!!!

Posts: 19 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:51 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No she's not sorry. I know her and I know she thinks I deserve what I got. If I was a better wife, he wouldn't hsve been knocking on her door. Of course its utter bullshit but hey whatever helps her sleep at night


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5039 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
heartbrokeninaz
♀ Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am almost positive she is not sorry in anyway, other then being caught. I still don't know what WH told her about me. He says he only told her that he didn't think we would be married much longer. I am sure he told her other stuff, but he can't seem to remember. I do have the details about all of the other crap though. She is 34, never been married or in a long term relationship. Pretty sure that tells you something right there. Desperate.


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 200 | Registered: Sep 2013
lost_in_toronto
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW never apologized to me although she made an offhand comment in an email to my WS shortly after dday and after he established NC that she was sorry for the role she played in hurting me. I don't think for a nanosecond that she actually was sorry; I thinks she was sorry that I found out, and even sorrier that he didn't leave me for her. I think she expressed that simply to assure herself that she was a good person, which she isn't, because this wasn't the first time she had an affair.

However, I do think there are some OW and OM that are truly sorry. So many of the WS on this forum who have done the work or are doing the work of reconciling or healing themselves were OW and OM, and I believe they are truly sorry for the hurt they caused everyone involved.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1668 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
Shockleader
♂ Member
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can tell you when I asked my exPOS if she cared that she was actively destroying the BW, and the family, she flat out said she didn't care. Not like I had to be told, but still it's chilling to see what fucking monsters they are.

BTW, this was said after she told me that she had no regrets (concerning me) for what *happened* (such a coward she could never even use the word affair, cheating, infidelity, etc. It just happened...)


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No not really. They may say so but many say sorry and still continue the A or go on to have another one with somebody else.

Posts: 263 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
Shockleader
♂ Member
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As an aside, as weird as it may seem, but I did apologize to the BW for the actions of my POS ex. Did it verbally in person on the day she came to our home after chasing down my ex, and I thought she might beat the snot out of her during the confrontation. Did not do it to save her hide, but I genuinely felt awful for this women, and the pain/anger she had to endure.

When the BW visited my home unannounced some months later telling me that my POS ex and her POS were shacking up, where exactly, and other tid-bits, I felt compelled to hug her, and tell her how sorry I am for what she was/is going through.

It is so gut wrenching to witness the direct fallout in the flesh of an innocent person, by the actions of a person you loved so much. I emailed her once after that, and hope she is doing OK.


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didnt' care if the married OM was sorry or not. The person I was focused on was my XWW. Was she sorry and remorseful for what she did to me and our family? Was she going to be able to step up and own her shit and make this right? the answer in my case was no which is why she is my XWW now. Whether or not the OM was sorry is irrelevant because if my XWW hadn't been fucking him it would have been someone else.

Honestly if an AP had any shred of dignity they wouldn't fuck someones husband or wife in the first place. The fact that they did it says they aren't sorry to begin with. Regardless though the focus should be on your WS since they are the one that made the vows to you not the AP.

ETA: I will add that it is possible for an AP to own their shit and fix what they messed up. The former WS's on this site show it can be done and many of them were AP's to someone else. It's not an easy road by any means but it can be done and some are truly sorry or can become truly sorry.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:40 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my situation the MOW is not sorry imo. She said sorry but it was more like a kid who got caught with stolen candy. She was pissy and defensive. I believe She only feels sorry she was caught and I exposed her and my wh. She views me as the "bad guy"...she sees herself as the victim. In her own words,"She had a serious but temporary lack in judgement and is the bigger better person because she is over it all and happy"

[This message edited by sunflowergirl30 at 9:09 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No clue, but obviously doubt it. My wife's AP was a swinger with multiple AP's to boot. He just liked to collect trophies to boost his ego. His wife was into the lifestyle too, she just wasn't aware that he had several side pieces in addition to their swinging life. I'm not sure men like him have the capacity for thinking of others. They are just users.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2011
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every case is NOT the same. Sometimes the AP can claim ignorance because they didn't know you. (They know its wrong to cheat point blank.) Yes it falls on my wh because he made vows to me but...the mow in my situation knew me, knew my children. She set out to invade my marriage. Did I want an apology? No. The one she gave was empty. Her old ass knew better. I feel disgust for her. She saw cracks in my marriage and used info she learned about my family to her advantage. Imo that is some truly sick shit. She saw my wh was broken, and weak. Easy prey. Mow was a BW. She set out to cheat and looked for a married man. A married man who's wife and kids she knew. I could NEVER do that to another woman or family.

[This message edited by sunflowergirl30 at 9:15 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, hell no! She refused NC for weeks while she sent me email detailing their relationship. Then she sent me an "apology" letter full of slams and insults. However, hearing her mouth the words -- even though I knew they were lies -- helped me somehow, and I was able to start seeing her for the broken, pathetic loser she is rather than as a monster out to get me.

What she IS sorry for is that I outed her to her family. Now she is running around portraying herself as a pitiful victim of my wicked WH. Poor little didems.


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Back on the coaster. Who knows?

Posts: 343 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case - no OW wasn't sorry (and never pretended to be)

Is it possible? Sure. I just think it's a very small percentage, because to be truly sorry would mean they have to own their shit - and fix themselves. That's hard, which means most people don't do it.

The FWS in the wayward forum are proof that some people can and do - and most the of the FWS were OM/OW -- and I do believe that they are truly sorry.

So yes, I think it can happen, but about as often as it snows in Fl.

In the end -- it doesn't matter. The OM/OW being sorry has no bearing on the WS, their actions, and their choices.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What you said brokeninfl. The OW never even pretended to be sorry. She was my friend so she knew I was a good wife and mother and that I adored my WH. I think she loved what she was doing to me. She never attempted to apologize. She was the type to not even apologize to her BH. She blamed him.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we as BS feel so much pain that we picture the OM or OW as laughing and enjoying the sex and going away with a precious memory. The fact is that many do regret it with pain in their heart. My FWW is not the kind to regret. In fact, she has said many times that she doesn't regret because it makes her the person she is today. However, I have seen her cry, put her hands to her face and hurt because she knows she hurt me, ruined a friendship with OM and basically destroyed his home. You have to be dead inside to not feel the damage you've done.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Merida
♀ Member
Member # 42437
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hell no - OW might actually have to have some remorse for her own actions if she were sorry at the present time. That state may eventually change, but for now = from how she's acted and stated in court = she's the victim

I don't believe by the OW's actions she's sorry at all

OW knew WH was married. Also knew I was pregnant at the time... didn't stop her from her taking herself off birth control (which she thankfully put herself back on and maintained so that there's only one OC as WH was too stupid to ever use a condomn hate having to be thankful at the moment I only have one OC due to her "responsibility" in that department)

She actually arranged and my idiot-at-the-time WH agreed to have the two kids on a play date unbenownst to me = I got the pictures sent to me later after she showed up on my doorstep with the excuse she had to talk to my WH "about the OC" (uh, no - you could have confronted only him at work or elsewhere)

Actually wrote she felt bad her "happy ever after" wasn't gonna materialize wow shocker that your happy ever after - since it's based on the destruction of my kids only known universe - might not be the best idea for everyone involved...

oh no = my OW and my WH acted as two messed up, infatuated animals = no thinking involved it was all compartmentalized to keep the pain/pleasure cycle in place. I'm not surprised there is no sorrow from the OW as to me, that would require empathy and questioning - "how could I hurt someone like that?"


"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

WH is katumus and I am not reading his posts but we talk a lot and working on listening better!

BW 45
WH 46

married 17 years
3 kids


Posts: 193 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Maryland
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The mow in my situation got off on the secrecy. Got off on getting a married man to betray his wife, family "to be with her". Do i think she has great memories about the whole thing? No. But i think she still finds enjoyment in what she took from me.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 46
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