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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Counter Claim
SusanR
♀ Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 4:29 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After more than a year of arguing back and forth about divisions of assets and debts and, not seeing a resolution (we weren't able to agree on his income or spousal support), filed for a separation agreement with the court. Told my FWH that I was going to do it.

I had my attorney remove language from the Restraining Order about any physical harrassment/harm because I thought it would only serve to hurt his feelings.

He countered with an extremely low amount of monthly support with a time limit, did not report all of his income on his affadavit of income and, issued a counter claim asking the court to grant him separation from me.

I asked him why and he said his attorney said it was SOP to which I replied he still didn't have to do it I stated it is our marriage, our lives, our future he was allowing her to dictate.

He says he wants the SA to be done and behind us but he keeps doing things to drag it out. He agreed to move out, then changed his mind, stated he didn't need legal representation, then changed his mind.

I asked why they put a time limit on the support and he said that was in case it turned into a divorce, he didn't want to pay me support forever. Well, this is not a divorce.

I am trying very hard not to convince myself that this is all part of the legal process and it will work itself out.

Feeling very hurt by this turn of events.

[This message edited by SusanR at 4:32 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1963 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get that it hurts, but his "in case it turns into divorce" is actually letting you in on his plans. I'd get your ducks in a row sister.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop being "nice." Look at this as a business deal and your survival/ I agree with betrayed friend, he is telling you he actually wants a divorce.

I m sorry to say but it's time to take of the kid gloves and be prepared to fight.

Why do you care if you hurt his feelings? He isn't caring about yours. Take care of yourself and what you need. Let your attorney do his job and help yoy.


Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Susan, separation agreements may be used in a divorce to determine division of assets, amounts of support, etc. If you agree to these things in separation you may welll face the court's decision that it is good enough in divorce.

He may well be setting you up. Do not agree to anything in a separation agreement that you wouldn't agree to in divorce.

His attorney is representing him and he may well have disclosed to her that he intends to divorce. Certainly an attorney won't put something into an agreement that your spouse didn't agree to. He can't blaim this on his attorney. This is something that HE wants.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's going to divorce you. I urge you not to accept anything short of what you actually deserve. Believe me when I tell you that what you accept in a SA will be what you get in a divorce decree.

This is business. It is time for you to accept this and behave accordingly.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10026 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If there is an OW in the picture, he is for sure going to divorce you. Get everything you would want in a divorce and don't take any less.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4801 | Registered: Feb 2008
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree... He is planning a divorce, not just a separation.

And what you have in a separation is very often what you get in divorce. Be careful! Stop playing "nice" with him.

He doesn't deserve it. And you deserve so much better...


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
SusanR
♀ Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very interesting that everyone thinks he is planning a divorce. I told him I thought he was behaving as if this was a divorce action and although he has said he would do "anything" to get me back, his actions say otherwise.

He says my demands are too great, that he can't supply them. I said that he could if he was willing to change his lifestyle a little. I shouldn't have to suffer due to his infidelity.

He could meet my demands but he'd have to refinance his house and stop eating all his meals in restaurants. I just want to be able to pay my bills. I don't think I should have to give up my gym membership etc.

I could survive without any support from him at all but it would be difficult. I don't think I should have to do that but some friends have suggested I do that just to get this over with.

We have a court date on Aug 4 and a judge is supposed to issue a temporary order. I guess we'll see what happens then and go from there.

Just have to remember "one day at a time" and "keep breathing".

[This message edited by SusanR at 5:54 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1963 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could survive without any support from him at all but it would be difficult. I don't think I should have to do that but some friends have suggested I do that just to get this over with.

Your friends are WRONG. Do not let him wear you down. Do not. Get what you are entitled to. You didn't start this mess. Make sure you finish it.

And yes, this is going to turn into a divorce.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Susan, you know the drill. Focus on what he is doing, and not doing, not on what he says.

What plans are there, during separation, to reconcile and reunite? No plans? . . .

[This message edited by alphakitte at 6:32 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
SusanR
♀ Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 5:25 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@AK -
We agreed to couples counselling after the Separation was completed. The counselor said he thought he could help us build a new relationship with a more solid foundation.

Much of what I want to deal with, I am holding back until then.

Sometimes, I don't think I shoould even talk to him at all before this is over. But I find myself sucked in to family events when my daughter and granddaughter are involved and he is, too. GD is 2 and I don't want to scar her childhood.

For instance, I asked him twice if he had told his attorney about the extent of our history and his repeated affair and he gave me partial answers like "she knows I had an affair and we are living in separate houses'. I really pinned him down th third time and he admitted she didn't know I had reconciled with him twice already, thatbI had emails, hotel receipts, restaurant receipts, gift receipts, and pictures. So, he's not even being honest with his attorney.

Why can't he just be truthful? Why do I have to pin him down? This will have to change before any R.


Posts: 1963 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you REALLY think this guy is capable of R? People who want to R don't file for legal separation. I'm sorry, but you really need to take your blinders off and see what we are seeing from the outside. His words mean nothing, his actions mean everything. And his actions are screaming that he does not want to R. He is feeding you fancy words to keep you on the hook and keep your hopes up, meanwhile he's planning a sneak attack. Open your eyes, seriously, before you get completely burned and look around at the charred remains wondering what just happened.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3491 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
SusanR
♀ Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Sparky - I filed for legal separation first. I really want to be autonomous before we start trying to rebuild (if that is even possible). He sees the SA as unfair and that, he says, is the basis for his fighting this BUT he also told me, at a different time that he didn't know why his attorney filed a counterclaim. He's obviously not being truthful with her or me. We have court on Monday morning and I will let my attorney handle things. I will also advise her of my concerns.

I really don't think he wants a divorce but he doesn't want to pay a financial penalty for his infidelity either.


Posts: 1963 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
hopefulmom44
♀ Member
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't think he wants a divorce but he doesn't want to pay a financial penalty for his infidelity either.

Susan-Be careful. Why would he care about HIS money now? He should be focusing on his relationship issues. Sending hugs your way.


Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
Topic Posts: 14

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