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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Liars and Trust
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Over time, I've been learning some of the things Perv is telling people about me.

The town we lived in is very small, under 1000 people, no stop lights, no businesses etc. So gossip is big and what he did caused a real sensation.

One gal, who I wouldn't put in the friend category but DD likes her daughter...acquaintence? We knew her about ten years.

She did her own sh to me that I used to be more tolerable of, one instance I'll never forget where she got mad at me because I wouldn't give a ride to seven kids in my car that fits four, the day after she'd been in trouble with the local police.

So...I'm typing the words because I can't get them out of my head.

Perv started visiting her shortly after he left "to bring DD to visit the DD there." This was odd to me because he never "cared" about it before. The reason it stays in my head is because a short time ago, this woman told me how "oversensitive" I am and that I'm a liar.

Yet, the liar is Perv. I have never, ever lied or omitted.

Upon hearing this, two people still in my life that I trust said, "maybe they've got a thing going". Never did this thought occur to me before but now, horribly, I could picture it. Her profile would fit OW with similarities and what he now favors.

And if she will believe him, I'm thinking twice of trying to talk to her and be friends again. She is the type of person who's "friends" are resources and I'm not one anymore, so I think that's why she is his friend. He would do handyman stuff around her place during M and then she would complain to me and others he did it wrong. This bothered him but he did it anyway, so it is eye opening to consider there could be a thing there.

I'm not bothered by it for long periods anymore, but it could explain it all. She made trouble for another acquaintance with a guy years ago in the same town.

This woman also lets her kid visit the Lurveshack behind my back, so I stopped considering her a friend. I know DD should have friends there and there is all kind of opinion of this...it's because she didn't tell me she is in touch with him and the nature of what he does, that I can't trust her.

And I will close my long post by saying, in another day, it would amuse me that the person calling me a liar is actually the liar.

So thanks. Maybe it will leave my head.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's irritating as shit, isn't it?

I try to remind myself that my TRUE friends, people who are worth my time and energy, will come to me and ask if they have questions about something that was said and/or will know it is a lie from the get go.

But in the end, the only person that really matters is YOU. You know the truth. Be honest with yourself about your words and actions, make amends and corrections when necessary, and move forward.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Friend she is not ! Probably never was. It hurts and it sucks. I wish I understood it. You don't get to play both sides in divorce. Unless mutual . Amicable no infidelity. Otherwise you are either with me or her. IMHO Keep your head up. Caio!


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's what I was thinking.

She is actually a lot like Perv, where he is a user of people when their life is good, but when they are down, he bolts...this woman does that, but it didn't occur to me in the past how like peas in a pod they are.

So I was weighing, if that's the right word, the worth of things in that situation or just never mind. Her daughter used to be a nice kid but more and more people at school would complain about each of themm as I let myself think back a little on it.

I think I will never-mind it because it doesn't feel very mutual from my end.

She's done other stuff over time but in the old codependent state, I used to never want anyone mad at me. Now, I don't care. It's wonderful.

Thanks guys...and welcome back, Fly.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 9:07 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 4

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