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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WH has creeped on this site. I am infuriated!!!
mamajen00
♀ Member
Member # 43810
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH has creeped on this site and read my postings. I am absolutely infuriated! I feel violated and have lost my sense of trust and stability. I am so angry right now, I could scream! It's 2:30 in the morning here. I am so upset. I can barely type. I've never told him about this site. A few weeks ago in MC I told the counselor that I have found great solace in an online forum. That's it. Never mentioned the website. I should have used a different user name. I'm an idiot. I never thought he would creep on the one place that I felt safe. I am so angry and disappointed with myself. How can I change my username? I feel so violated. Help!


BS- me 37
WH- him 38
1 son - almost 5
Married 8 years
Together 13 years
DDay 4/19/14
9 months of intense EA
2 days of PA

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2014
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Contact the administrators and they will lock your account and you cn stat a new one.

My STBXH did the same tthing. Just try and make sure he doesn't have a keylogger or a way of tracking you. I bought a new laptop he has not access to and then when you start agin think outside your normal box so if he gets on again he will not know who yo are.

I need the support I get from here weather I post or just read. Without SI I am nt sure where I would be


Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why did he search through all your posts? To figure out how to help you..and the marriage? Or was it to figure out how to pretend to be remorseful and stay a step ahead of you?

Im sorry. It's a terrible violation, on top of the betrayal and lies.

((((mamajen))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((mamajen))))

Perhaps he should join SI and get some wise advice in the Wayward forum. Many agree not to read each other's posts, while some are okay with it.

I understand your anger, but perhaps him reading your posts can help him understand how much pain his A has caused you. How did he react to your posts?

Why are you disappointed in yourself? You didn't do anything wrong.

I'm so sorry.


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5136 | Registered: May 2007
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to mention I understand the feeling of violation and anger.

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get you being furious. Especially in your situation. You were trying to play your cards close to your chest and he foiled that.
But does it really change anything?
He's still not remorseful.
He still is showing you who he is.
You are still planning on moving forward with D.

You can change your user name if and when you upgrade. When you do this choose something that he can't figure out is you.

This whole thing is painful and he doesn't get it.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8789 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
OldSoul
♂ Member
Member # 43714
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be wary that a key logger is being used on your computer. Is mighty coincidental that he found you here so quickly unless, he himself, was a poster in (WS?) and happened upon your posts by accident and figured it out. Could the MC have mentioned your use of an online site that led him to investigate?


The truth is like a lion. You do not have to defend it. Just let it go and it will defend itself.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Jun 2014
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you clear your computer browsing history? He could have simply looked at your history.

I get how you feel violated, but maybe his intent wasn't malice.

You need to discuss this with him. Tell HIM how this made you feel and why. Tell him you don't want him to do it again.

PM the Mods.. I'm sure this isn't the first time they have come across this.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 420 | Registered: Dec 2013
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry, that is terrible. I remember once a member's husband AND the OW looked at the member's posts on here together. It really is awful.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1323 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((mamajen))))

It's so hard to have an extra violation on top of everything else.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change your screen name, go covert. Something hard to recognize like ILIKEAPPLES


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

"If you are a side dish, and you become their spouse, just remember, the side dish position is open again" - Foolme1


Posts: 646 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
mamajen00
♀ Member
Member # 43810
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support, everyone. I didn't sleep at all last night. I don't know how he found out about the site. But, regardless, it doesn't change the outcome. Thanks again!


BS- me 37
WH- him 38
1 son - almost 5
Married 8 years
Together 13 years
DDay 4/19/14
9 months of intense EA
2 days of PA

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2014
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so unfortunate when this site, and all that it stands for, gets violated by people who have no sense of integrity.

(((mamajen00)))


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18278 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mamajen,
This is such a, for lack of a better word, sacred place for those of us who are suffering from betrayal. It's where we can be brutally honest without any fear of repercussion. Yes, he has violated you. I would be so PISSED if my H did this. But don't let it stop you from coming here and getting the support you need. If he chooses to read your posts, so be it. Maybe it will give him a well-needed reality check.

(((Mamajen)))


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 445 | Registered: May 2014
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you know that he found it and read it?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3477 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mamajen

How do you know he creeped? Did you confront him? What did he say?

My FWH looked at another site I was on before I found SI and my posts scared the sh*$% out of him.

He finally faced what I was really struggling with (or as least as much as he could)

I had written I think about leaving and he was scared and dismayed.

disappointed with myself

Please don't be upset with yourself. You've done nothing wrong.

((hugs))

[This message edited by 1Faith at 3:30 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Apr 2013
mamajen00
♀ Member
Member # 43810
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He texted me and said, " I saw your post on your forum. Is there something you want to tell me?" I felt really violated. Oh well, it is what it is.


BS- me 37
WH- him 38
1 son - almost 5
Married 8 years
Together 13 years
DDay 4/19/14
9 months of intense EA
2 days of PA

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2014
Jomarion
♀ Member
Member # 43659
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are having to suffer this next violation of your life, having your boundaries violated again, and in a sneaky way.

I would be infuriated too.


me:BGF, 54, American immigrant. one son. me and my ex get along great, the most amicable split imaginable!
him:WBF,43, Polish immigrant
together since 2006,
DDay:October28,2009,after his 3 teen kids push him to cheat with OW.
5 betrayed me

Posts: 192 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

" I saw your post on your forum. Is there something you want to tell me?"

Hmm...feeling snarky here.

How about...

"Well, thank you for reaffirming that you lack integrity by trolling on my forum. It is sad that you put so much time and energy into such non productive activities. Hmm...seems to be a pattern for you.

There is so much I would like to tell you but you aren't worth my time. Was there something you wanted to tell me when you were running around with your *)&*!, breaking no contact and lying to your family? Nope, I didn't think so. Minus the )*&^, I will choose the same mute path."

What an assclown.

[This message edited by 1Faith at 4:39 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Apr 2013
lovesobroken
♀ Member
Member # 43588
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He also doesn't seem very bright. I would say 'if you read my forum, why do you need me to repeat anything?' Maybe he's scared you will tell the OWs parents or his parents because his image is so important. Don't let him change any of your actions. Hugs.

Posts: 312 | Registered: May 2014
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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