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User Topic: Sending letter to OW's BH?
Questioningall
♀ Member
Member # 43959
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH had a LTA with OW and as far as I can tell, hasn't contacted her since Feb. Dday was beginning of March. He didn't send a NC letter because I didn't want him contacting any of his APs and our counselor said his silence was message enough. The LTAP texted a couple of times in March, but her number is blocked, so the messages didn't get through. Then last Friday, she emailed, giving him only the title of a song and the singer's name. It was about a woman who wasn't over her former lover. Grrr.

So WH wrote a NC letter by hand and we mailed it Sunday. I've been thinking of writing the OW's BH to tell him about the affair. WH said he found one of WH's letters last fall, but that didn't end their relationship. I only have their home address, no work addy or cell phone#, so the OW might get the mail and take the letter. Is it worth it to write to him?


Me-BS 50
Him-WS 50 Sorrowfulmate
5 kids
Dday #1 12/12 He made up a ONS
Dday #2. 3/14 EAs, 2 ONS, 1 LTA
TT until 7/14 Timeline given

Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.


Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2014
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do you want send OW BH a letter? This is question I think many of us bS have to ask ourselves.

If you really decide you want to sent it certified receipt with his signature only accepted. It costs money but you'll know he got it.


Posts: 253 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Sleepingbeauty. She could intercept it very easily. I sent texts and emails to the BH and OW either got to them before he did or told him I was miserable and just wanted to make everyone around me miserable. I finally called him. She could also try to worm her way out of it by saying you are crazy but you are doing the right thing.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I contacted the OWs husband at his office by phone, and asked to meet with him at a local coffee shop, to show him my proof.

I agree, that if you send a letter to his home, the wife will likely intercept it.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1101 | Registered: May 2014
Questioningall
♀ Member
Member # 43959
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sleepingbeauty, I guess the most basic reason is that I'm pissed off and feeling vulnerable and I was thinking that maybe the OW would be too busy dealing with the fallout at home to contact my WH and try to start things up again. I really don't know if it's right to tell the BH about them or not. It really seems to be over on WH's side.

Last Friday, two of his XAPs tried contacting him--one to "friend" him on a fitness website (he declined and cancelled his account) and then this OW, who, being the only longterm PAP, is the most threatening to me. So I'm pretty freaked out now.

I guess I'll just let it go and ride the roller coaster of feelings until I hit a better place. Thanks to everyone for their input!


Me-BS 50
Him-WS 50 Sorrowfulmate
5 kids
Dday #1 12/12 He made up a ONS
Dday #2. 3/14 EAs, 2 ONS, 1 LTA
TT until 7/14 Timeline given

Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.


Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2014
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A good reason to contact the OBS is that they may not have any idea what is going on. Your BH says that the other guy found a letter, but that may not be true. The OW in my situation told WH and I that her husband was fine with an open marriage. I recently learned that that was hogwash, and he was just as hurt and betrayed as I.

Can you check LinkedIn or Google to get a work contact for him?


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Back on the coaster. Who knows?

Posts: 339 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should TELL the BH! He has a right to know what his WW has been doing behind his back. No doubt his world has been altered by her actions and he possibly suspects something already so you'd be giving him confirmation that he's not 'crazy' as so many of us BS's feel when we're lied to and denied to. Her H should know she's 'pining' for a MM that's not him! Out her!

If you send anything to their home send it certified mail so you'll know he got it, but since interception is likely, I'd find out where he works and try that route, it's a better bet. Telling is the right thing to do. Best of luck to ya.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9710 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Questioningall
♀ Member
Member # 43959
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, WH and I found the AP's BS's work address. I've written my letter, including a list of gifts WH gave AP and when they were given. I also included 2 pages of our cell phone bill from last summer, which shows her number almost continuously. And a printout of her latest email to WH. WH's cell phone # is on the bill, as well as our home address, but BS could look at his own cell phone bill to get WH's number and we're in the phone book, so I figure I'm more believable if I'm not trying to hide.

[This message edited by Questioningall at 5:52 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


Me-BS 50
Him-WS 50 Sorrowfulmate
5 kids
Dday #1 12/12 He made up a ONS
Dday #2. 3/14 EAs, 2 ONS, 1 LTA
TT until 7/14 Timeline given

Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.


Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2014
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job! Sounds like you've covered all the bases that you can for now.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9710 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
SCORNED
Member
Member # 6301
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone can sign for certified mail .....send it certified AND restricted delivery..... Make sure you get a tracking number
He will have to personally sign for it .....if he's not home they'll notify him it's at post office and he'll have to show id to sign.


"The cruelest lies are often told in silence."

Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 12193 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: southwest
Topic Posts: 10

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