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Newest Member: spaceplease (45329)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The last unexpected hurdle
bpositive
♀ Member
Member # 5981
Content  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I marry my SO in less than two weeks. This weekend we were both feeling off, and not communicating well with one another. It escalated into an off and on fight/discussion on Sunday culminating in considering postponing the wedding. We talked, shouted, cried, but never stormed off. We asked if a few days apart would help - we chose not to. We chose to stay, hold one another. We made an emergency call to our counselor for the next day.

Yesterday morning before the appointment, left with residual feelings, I let my immediate family know that we were in crisis and were addressing it - a tough conversation to have.

Come to the appointment - it turns out that both SO and I were having some related fears and anxieties. I am nervous about repeating mistakes I made in my past marriage, but know that this relationship is so far away from that. I am a different person now, my SO is completely different from my XH, the fears are irrational. He is afraid that my parents over-protective nature will impact our marriage. I have built some boundaries with them, and need to include him in those boundaries more than I have.

My past experience with fights in relationships was my XH. The only time we fought was at the end - so they were relationship imploding fights. This makes me more skittish of arguing. I never expected residual fears about getting married again, and that caught me off guard. But the best surprise is that SO and I worked through the communication block. Heard each other's fears. Made a plan to address those fears. We are strong together.


"If you're happy and you know it..."
1 in 3 US women die of heart disease. Take charge of your health and your life!

Posts: 6307 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: breathe.
meaniemouse
♀ Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you----hang in there. Trust that the two of you will do the right thing for your relationship. Thinking very "positive" thoughts for you!


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2125 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But the best surprise is that SO and I worked through the communication block. Heard each other's fears. Made a plan to address those fears

That is awesome. I'm so glad you both are tackling your fears head on - with honesty and compassion - together. It bodes well for your future.

[This message edited by brokeninfl at 11:31 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow such progress and you're getting married too? Where have I been.

Congratulations and good luck b+


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52586 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((bpositive)))

This speaks very well to your future together. Keep the lines open and deal with issues as a team, and you can get stronger from these moments.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 5

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