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User Topic: Back on High Alert
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get yourself together . She is trying to put you on defensive so that when you confront her she will use that to justify what she is doing. However, you have not cheated already but she has and you are not calling other some asking them to come
Meet you at midnight.
You cannot let her slide by here. She is already setting you up to justify her planned affair and you need to derail it and tell the real estate guys wife.
If you do not act now you will be sorry.

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
susan1989
♀ New Member
Member # 32640
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowledge is Power.

Keep your sleuthing up until you have the proof you need. Do not reveal your cards.

Set up a trap for her.

She is cheating on you and you know it. Texting, Sexting, whatever, is NOT OK for a WS.

You feel sick because you know the truth inside you just don't want to believe it. I've been there. I'm sorry.


BS - me (44)
STBXWH (45)
M 20 years, three kids
D-Day June, 2011
D-Day #2 Sept, 2013
Separated after D-Day #3 Dec 2013
Divorcing 2014

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2011
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well the bomb has been dropped.


D-Day 1: 22 Dec 2012
D-Day 2: 22 July 2014
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
1st OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm hoping you dropped bomb on her and it did not drop on you.
What happened

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strength brother


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3160 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
RomanticInnocenc
♀ Member
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let us know what happened mrcpu! Sending you strength to get through whatever shit storm you've just entered!

[This message edited by RomanticInnocenc at 9:52 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]


Me: BS 31
WH: 29 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS: getting close to 1
Together 10 years, married 2.
DD1: 8th of Jan 2014
DD2: 10th of Jan 2014
NC: 8th of Jan
In hopeful R!

Posts: 380 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I confronted her and of course she tried to deny and downplay. I told her I was going to out him on Facebook in our community and left the laundry room.

I poked my head in and watched and she seemed oddly calm. She would iron a bit and then look at her Facebook wall on her phone. I waited and watched to see if she texted him but she didn't.

I went back in and gave her some more of my mind. I told her how horrible our anniversary had been for me and how I felt buying her necklace but I had to wait for the kids to be away to confront her.

I called her a hipocrite for all the BS she had been spewing the night before.

I then went to my room and opened my laptop. In one browser I logged in as her and another as me. I grabbed my screen shots and compso ed a message to his wife and sent them to her.

I then used her profile to announce "my husband knows about us" to him in a private message.

I will provide more details later but my WW came in and I told her to sit down. Shut up. And watch.

"She" (me using her account) told him I was angry. He said he didn't understand because nothing had happened. I played it along but he seemed addamant that it was just flirting. "She" told him that I didn't see it as harmless and didn't belive her either and that I was going to send all the chat logs to his wife and his work and post them online in the local community Facebook group. He was freaking out at this point.

I was simultaneously chatting with his wife. She wasn't surprised and this wasn't the first time. She told me they were in counciling I told her how I was screwing with him and that I wouldn't actually post publicly because of her and her 2 kids and baby on the way. She told me that she didn't think they had hooked up and in the past he has had a text addiction flirting only. We both agreed this was still cheating and wrong.

Anyway my WW gave me the whole story but it could be TT. She told me he contacted her and would flirt with her once every couple of weeks. She told me she knew it was we on and that's why she deleted the messages.

I told her I didn't belive anything coming out of her mouth.

I have chat logs to clean up but I will try and post them here later.


D-Day 1: 22 Dec 2012
D-Day 2: 22 July 2014
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
1st OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad you did what you needed to do. Now you have to decide what the consequences are for her. If there are none, it will happen again.
Personally , au would post it all like you threatened. He is obviously a scum bag and you have to deal with this to protect yourself, not his wife. He is her problem, and maybe if you do take drastic action you will help cure him.
Sounds like your wife does not consider this cheating. Can't wait to hear her explanation on that one. She is most likely regretful you caught her .
You still have a real problem. She is now a REPEAT offender.
I bet you are glad you did not let this progress any further.
As long as you are in this more, tell her she is taking a lie detector test . That ought to scare the shit out of her

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
Twitchy
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Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((mrcpu))

Our stories are similar, but I love the way you handled it. I was later to the party at SI and tipped my hand too early.

Your WW's POSOM sounds allot like the guy my WW was texting. If you told me he lived out east I'd think we were dealing with the same guy.

[This message edited by Twitchy at 7:39 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 658 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, as I mentioned I used my WWs facebook account to chat with the guy while I made her look over my shoulder. Where you see "WW" that's all me. At the same time I was sending screenshots of the conversation to HIS wife. I will post her part of the chat shortly.


WW: My husband knows about us.
OM: What?
WW: He has been reading my messages
OM: ?
WW: What do you mean ?
OM: And?
You said you delete stuff
?
WW: Well he had something running that logged everything
OM: Wow
So how are you resolving this?
WW: What do you think I should do?
OM: I have to block him
WW: Why?
OM: And you need to explain nothing happened
WW: He knows about EVERYTHING
OM: And how many others

WW: You going to tell your wife?
OM: No
Nothing happened between us
WW: What do you mean NOTHING?
OM: When did your hubby find out
WW: A while back but he has been keeping quiet and watching all my stuff
OM: I actually did confess to my wife already that I've been flirting with girls and we are going through marital counseling
WW: How many others have you slept with?!?!
OM: I haven't slept with any
Lol
Neither did I with you
Lol
You need to just let your hubby know that you love him
You just need to resolve this with your hubby
WW: Well he went off for a walk. He says that he doesn't believe a word I say and that I've broken his trust, especially since I did have an affair with his best friend a couple years ago.
OM: So how many guys are there
That your flirting with
You need to resolve this so it doesn't effect me
WW: What are you afraid of?!?!
OM: My reputation
If he post or says anything
WW: He says he is going to plaster the info all over the community facebook pages and send copies to your boss because he sees you invited me over to your work to have sex.
OM: Wow
"WW name here" you need to have this resolved
Nothing happened between us
It's was just online chat
WW: That's not the way it looks from here though.
OM: Your husband is a good guy
You need to apologize and just explain that nothing happened between us
It was just all talk
I would never actually do anything anyways
WW: Maybe you are the one who should apoligise to him. He didn't seem to believe me and you flirted with another man's wife.
I mean, I flirted back too and it was fun.
OM: I can
Please work things out with "My name here"
It's not worth throwing years away
You love him
WW: I will try when he gets home. He said this may be the end of our marriage because I lied to him and hid all this so now he can't trust me.
OM: You have to work this all out
He can't do what he said he was going to do to revenge on me
WW: He is REALLY angry. He isn't a violent man but to him the truth is the truth and he is willing to embarass me and himself.
OM: Especially nothing actually happened between us
Let him know that I apologize
And that I was wrong
But he can't do what he said he was wanting to do, because it's not just a revenge on me
It's my whole family and little ones
WW: Maybe you should have been thinking about that before you flirted like this with me. Maybe I should have been thinking about HIM and MY little ones before I flirted with you.
OM: Ya
Hope you can work everything out
WW: Are you going to tell your wife?
OM: Ya
I already did
She forgave me
WW: When did you tell her?
OM: A few days back
WW: How did she take it?
OM: She was disappointed
Work this out with your husband
WW: You working late tonight?
OM: Ya
Up north
Please ensure me that everything will be resolved
And send my apology to a "My name here"
Tell him that im sorry for flirting with u
WW: You really should tell him yourself.
OM: And my intension was not to hurt him
How?
"WW Name Here" this is getting out of hand
WW: What do you mean?
OM: I don't know
This is on your end
Please work it our with your husband
WW: I think I hear him. What should I say?
OM: Nothing happens between us
Let him read my apology
WW: He says "fuck you" and you are going to go down.
OM: I can't help what happened has happened with me flirting with you
WW: He says if you are man enough you should send him a message yourself and expain to him why you think it is OK to flirt with another man's wife?
OM: I'll send him a message
Your husband don't believe you that nothing happened?
WW: He says that the way it sounds, we hooked up while he was out of town.
Or on my days off.
OM: Set something up so we all meet
WW: Including your wife?
OM: No
My wife wants nothing to do with this
WW: He says no wife, no deal.
OM: She won't
She's done with this
All this for nothing that even happened between us
WW: Well he says that if she doesn't want to see our chat logs all over the community facebook sites (Q and A, Buy and Sell)
and you don't want him to go to your work and disclose everything to your boss that shows that you are using your work for
hookups, then you need to bring your wife into this to prove that you want to move forward and heal both our marriages.
OM: This is turning into a threat now
WW: Why is healing marriages a threat?
OM: We can either have this resolved now
WW: I'm in the bathroom and he is talking through the door.
OM: You guys are threatening to ruin my family reputation
"His wife's name here" had nothing to do with this
WW: YOU did this too. But if "His wife's name here" knows and forgives you, would this be the best way to heal?
OM: We can try to resolve this
It's not okay to threaten me
This is unreasonable
WW: But this threatened both our marriages... is that OK?
I mean I'm going to possibly get divorced over this now.
OM: "His Wife's Name Here" will not have any part of this
WW: I have to go. I'm not sure how we will resolve this if the four of us won't get togther in person.
OM: "His wife's name here" will not
Do I need to get a restriction order on him?
This is really getting out of hand
And nothing happened


D-Day 1: 22 Dec 2012
D-Day 2: 22 July 2014
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
1st OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mrcpu

Well, it appears that you have caught this BEFORE it turned PA. You know that if it continued with all his spare time eventually she would have met him. And that is the problem!!!! And it's a big one.

For get the realtor for a minute. You can be mad at him, but the fact is YOUR WIFE we totally involved in this, deleting her messages, and in essence CHEATING on you again. Without HER co-operation, this could not have happened.

The problem is that she LIKES the attention from other men, and she will replace the realtor with another one if the are no consequences. It's just a matter of time since she knows you know what she was doing.

You need to DEMAND a timeline of when this all started, how he got her number and why she gave it to him, and what she is going to do to insure no contact. i would start by telling her that her gym membership just ended where she sees him.

One other problem is she now knows that you have ways of catching her electronically, so next time she will be more careful and secretive. And there will be a next time, you better face that, because she LIKES it.

I hope you are reading the posts from other men and women who are putting up with this stuff to keep the family together and the absolute misery they are going through. You've been through it once and apparently just dodged a big bullet this time because you listened and did not let it get to that point.

She obviously has a problem big time with boundaries with men. So does my wife, but my wife knows that any time I get a feeling in my gut that something is not right we will go right to the lie detector test or if she refuses to the attorney in a New York second. i just refuse to monitor technology for the rest of my life.Not that i am not random checking stuff once in a while.

Your wife's multiple infidelities deprives her of the right to any privacy and secrecy in your marriage should you decide to stay married.

You have some serous thinking to do.


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says this (Not going to tell his wife):
WW: You going to tell your wife?
OM: No

Then this (already told his wife):

Nothing happened between us
WW: What do you mean NOTHING?
OM: When did your hubby find out
WW: A while back but he has been keeping quiet and watching all my stuff
OM: I actually did confess to my wife already that I've been flirting with girls and we are going through marital counseling

Then follows it all with a couple "Laughing Out Loud's"???

WW: How many others have you slept with?!?!
OM: I haven't slept with any
Lol
Neither did I with you
Lol

Sorry but I'm having a hard time believing they didn't sleep together.

[This message edited by hardtimesinlife at 11:24 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6154 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kind of an odd conversation. At first glance you would think they did have sex. But then he goes on to say nothing happened, which would have been ridiculous to say to her if they did have sex.

Nice to see the OM sweat.

If nothing else, your wife certainly needs therapy to finally understand why she continually needs the attention from other men and to learn about boundaries...if she even cares to learn about herself.

Some people like the way they are, even if it is completely self destructive.


Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jun 2002
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God, that realtor is such a cowardly chickenshit douche. I'm so glad this is posted on General so I can say that. Because he is a spineless, nutless, ball-less douche.

Also, I think at some point in the chat he figured out it was you, and not your WW, on the other end. Hence the [mrcpu] is a good man, etc. He knew it was you and was trying to kiss ass.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 11:29 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6906 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just read Hardtimesinlife's post. I revise my opinion.

i think they did have sex as she does.


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it sounds like he realized early on in that conversation that he wasn't talking to your wife. Notice how suddenly it's all about how great of a guy you are..and she loves you?

I also think they had sex.

His wife thinks it's just a texting addiction because she hasn't actually caught him yet..and we all know cheaters lie and cover their ass when caught.

Both OM and your WW are full of shit.

But..even if they didn't have sex..this is an affair. You know that, this being her second affair.

Are you going to try and R? What will she need to do differently this time, that she didn't last time? What are YOU going to do differently?

Im sorry this happened. I never had the impression she was remorseful the first time around..regretful, but that's about it. And that she could do this again...knowing full well how much it would hurt you? Wow. Im just so sorry.

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:55 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you should keep it simple, calmly take your evidence to his wife directly, and say, "I think we have a problem". They sit back and wait to see what happens next.

Step.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

"If you are a side dish, and you become their spouse, just remember, the side dish position is open again" - Foolme1


Posts: 646 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This part was going on at the same time I was using my WW's account to talk to the OM I was talking to his Wife:

ME: ****, I'm terribly sorry to be the one to tell you this.
I come from a place of pain because a couple years ago I caught my wife cheating on me with my (now ex) Best Friend of 30 years.
Their affair went on for 6 months. I had a lot of gut instincts but never did anything about them. I WON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE.
I know this sucks with you being pregnant and all but a couple of nights ago your husband, who apparently has been going at it on
facebook with my wife sent her a message that I was able to intercept. It appears to me they have been hooking up.
I recommend you do not react to this right away but take the time to get onto his facebook and investigate further.
I'm SO SORRY that I have to be the one to share this with you.

<Screen Shot of his chat with my wife>

BS: Can you tell me when that message was from??
And what you plan to do about it?

ME: It was 1238 in the morning after we came back from the beach. 22nd I think.

BS: Of July??
ME: Yea.. like a coup.e days agao this is him now.. <Screen shot of me as WW chatting with him and him commenting on her deleting stuff>
ME: I'm messaging him from her account He is telling her to block me or him to block me and to tell me that "nothing happened"
ME: Well I'm sorry but something DID happen. A MARRIED MAN with another kid on the way doesn't message a MARRIED woman at 12:30 in the morning inviting her to come to his office to have sex.
I didn't get the screenshot for all of that but that's what they were talking about and from the tone of his "come over" and her replay saying she couldn't because I was home that they HAVE hooked up
BS: Ok It's not something I'm surprised by. Just surprised it's continued Please don't tell him I know anything
ME: I'm sorry. Like I said, a couple of years ago she cheated on me with my best friend. Do you think they hooked up?
BS: Sorry, I'm not trying to sound rude but have I ever met either of you?
ME: lol.. I don't think so. You almost met me at the ******. I have watched your husbands outgoing persona on facebook and thought he would be a cool guy to be friends wtih.
BS: So how does he know "My wife's name" ? Just from fb?
ME: The ONLY reason that I'm not posting this all over the community pages and sending it to his is because of you. Because you are expecting another baby.
ME: I think she only knows him through FB. She has his number in her phone under "****" though
BS: Hmm ok
I appreciate the self control, thank you
ME: You should head over to "survivinginfidelity.com" and check it out. There are a lot of resources there that have helped me a lot.
based on your past with him, do yo uthink they hooked up or were just flirting?
BS: I can't guess at wether there has been anything going on between them. He's a terrible flirt and hasn't been completely faithful
But thought we were past all of that
If he knew her a year ago if say yes for sure
BS: That's why I'm more surprised that he has so recently been starting that up again
ME: The fact that she has been (ineffectivly) deleting his messages is what hurts me the most. I can't trust her to tell me the truth now.
The worst part is that this past thursday was our 15th anniversary. I spent almost all of it having mini panic attacks and checking her online stuff repeatedly.
BS: And that's the crappy part. You can't love without trust. I've had to try for over a year to do just that
ME: IF she had TOLD me about this flirting and IF she hadn't ever deleted anyting I would have read the messages and had a laugh or two MAYBE. At the very least I would trusted her. I can't trust her now. At all.
BS: Flirting isn't harmless Someone is getting hurt
ME: No one is perfect. All I ask of her is for our marriage to grow TOGETHER.
All I expect of her is to not hide things from me.
I can pretty much deal with her crap either way.
I will be going for an STD test soon. I need to make absolutely sure of this.
BS: I'm sorry it's been a rough go for the two of you. And I'm sorry that he seems to have started the issue up again for you. I expect 100% faithfulness to me, no exceptions. And that was promised
ME: IF anything does come up I will let you know because you are pregnant and your baby could be at risk because of his behaviour
BS: That's ok, I've already gone down that road. Part of prenatal screening.
ME: Faithfullness comes in many forms. For me it simply means not doing something behind my back that you wouldn't do in front of me. By deleting his messages she knew 100% that she was fucking wrong to be doing it.
BS: Believe it or not, that's the only thing I do trust. He might flirt and even mess around but he's never had sex with them
ME: Well I don't trust her to possibly not have done someithng with someone else too and given shit to your hubby. "-(
Sounds like you are in as much denial as I am. LOL
BS: Possibly. But I've been through this. And one thing he has been is brutally honest when confronted.
ME: She was very verry honest with me with my BFF
Partly because I had 450 email messages and text messages so she couldn't hide it AND
BS: I hope for my kids sake it didn't go that far. Or our marriage is over
ME: I confronted my xBFF and he confirmed
BTW...
I'm fucking with him on his chat with my wife's account....
I said "He says he is going to plaster the info all over the community facebook pages and send copies to your boss because he sees you invited me over to your work to have sex."
I won't, again for YOU and your children's sake because I don't want them to get hurt.
ME:
Thank you
But I swear I thought really long and hard and very angrily about doing that!!! LOL
BS: I would too
Both of us live very public lives because of our work
I've finally gotten to a place of financial independence (if need be) and it would kill me professionally
ME: I figured as much. You guys have very open profiles.
That's how I know about you and feel a sense of concern for you and your kids.
BS: Public humiliation would be the way to make his heart stop. I'm sure he's sweating now
ME: I felt I should tell you all of this to protect you from him and his behavious. I wished that someone had been upfront and told me about my wife
Is he home?
BS: I understand.
We are at the trailer
I heard his messages binging. He turned the sound off
He has a brutal temper so there's no way I'll be confronting him here , now.
I'm just trying to stay calm
ME: OUCH. I'm sorry to hear that.
so he seems pretty clear that nothing happened beyond chatting.. (yet?) What if I hadn't stopped it?
BS: I know it sounds naive BUT this is why I chose to keep trying and to rebuild some trust. He's never to my knowledge taken it that far physically. It's all ego for him
ME: But it's not right if it's behind your back.
BS: It's not right period.
BS: Do you plan to confront "My wife's name" ?
ME: I already confronted her.
I told her to sit down and shut up and watch this.
BS:And
ME:She is swearing up and down it was just chatting
It doesn't change the fact it REALLY HURT
BS: Agreed
ME:specifically because she was lying and doing it behind my back.
After all we went thourhg.
BS: It destroys any sliver of trust I had
ME: my exBFF and I were friends for 30 years.
I was devistated and depression cost me my last job.
You say he is violent?
BS: No
Just hot tempered
ME: I am too. I swore and spit fire at her tonight. I would never hit her though.
BS: My kids have been through enough crap
I can handle anything but they shouldn't have to
I will be talking to him. Just have to time it right
ME: Do you have access to his facebook and email passwords?
BS: Thank you for being honest. And for being big enough to not react
I did. Unless he changed them
ME: Then you should log in and have a look. He MIGHT be deleting messages though.
I had to do something else to track her which I don't want to discuss or give away right now with her looking over my shoulder.
BS: I will
ME: Hey, where's your trailer? Is it nice there?
shit!
My wife just told me
BS: If I ask him he will tell me. Always has
ME: it's *****
We are going up there in a couple of weeks. crap
BS: Yup
Guess our spouses will need curfews. Sheesh.
ME: This really sucks because I thought that you guys seemed like a cool couple and was hoping that we could all be friends
BS: It's like living with a 16 yr old most days
BS: We are cool. And totally messed up
ME: Yea. we are pretty bent and twisted
You know that song by pink?
BS: Um yah not true. More like a year ago
ME: Yea.. he's lying to her.. what an ass (sorry.. I know he's your ass) <Screenshot of him saying he told his wife>
lol
BS: Nice of him to assume I'm forgiving
ME: Are you feeling any calmer?
BS: He's had it too good
ME: He said " you were disappointed"
BS: Nope
Still ready to kill him
ME: Wish I could help you in some way.
BS: Theoretically
ME: lol yea
I know. then I think about how my kids would grow up "orphans"
BS: You have. It's better to know
Just really really sucks. I thought we were past this crap
ME: Yea... I've been having panic attacks all week.
He clearly has some sort of sex addiction or something. He needs help. So does she.
BS: Yes. I agree. Too bad he doesn't see it
It's always me that's the problem
So I change. Over and over. But it doesn't matter
ME: It's not you. You shouldn't have to change.
BS: It's sad
ME: They have NO RIGHT to do this to us. They made promises to us and while we aren't perfect, they can't stop breaking them.
Now he is telling her it's Getting Out of hand.
BS: Yeah no kidding
ME: I think he is freaking out lol
I see him typing and typing and typing.
"she" told him he needs to apologize to me directly.
Apparently "this is on your end"
BS: Honestly, very little of this behaviour hurts me anymore. What kills me is that it hurts our kids big time.
ME: he thinks my wife needs to fix this for him
BS: Of course
ME: I wish i were there in person.. I would give you a completely platonic christian-side hug
I hate that I bought this on to you and your family
BS: Haha
That was funny
You didn't bring anything. This was his choice
ME: And her's. I didn't get to see who started it.
Wait.. She says he did.
BS: He's never had to deal with consequences ever. He was spoiled
ME: Not sure I turst her
Why would his public embarassment affect you professionally?
BS: Unless she's a bigger flirt than he is, I'd believe her
ME: Another thing that pissed me off with her lies...
BS: Because a very large number of his influential friends/clients are also mine
ME: was that I was fishing a bit and asked her if she thought asian guys were cute and she was very clear that they weren't her type. lies and bullshit
You MIGHT lose a few of his friends and clients...
but most would go on YOUR side. No one sides with a cheater.
BS: You'd be surprised how convincing he is at playing the victim
ME: I just played it up that she told me that he said sorry and I said "fuck you" You are going to go down.
I'm sorry.. I just want the guy to sqirm a bit. I hope that he gets a REALLY GOOD scare into him and maybe it helps you.
BS: I agree
He's not a bad guy
He's pretty amazing
Just really messed up from life
And needs help
I can only be and do so much
ME: Yea.. like I said, he seems cool. The truth is I'm having a bit too much fun messing with him. I think I'm possibly evil...lol
What do you mean you can be only so much?
BTW he blocked me on Fb so I can't even send him a personal message.
You are, from what I see on facebook, an amazing woman and mother. My wife (as silly as this sounds) thinks the world of you. Too bad she didn't respect you enough to stop his flirting though.
"she" just told him that he should be man enopugh to message me directly
, I hope you take deep breaths and remember that you have some really cute amazing kids that need you more than anything.
And that you have a new little one growing inside you that needs you to be healthy.
BS: He has an addictive personality. As in he gets addicted to whatever provides a distraction. Smoking, girls, motorcycles , food
I can't fill whatever void he keeps trying to fill
I've given up trying
ME: I have an addictive personallity and I will be open and tell you that I like porn a bit too much. The difference is I look at it in front of my wife.
You CAN'T and SHOULDN'T be filling any voids for him!!!!
BS: Yes but that's my personality. Lol. I'm a saviour
ME: You are a whole person and he should be a whole person and the two of you should come together as two whole people.
Yea.. that was my xBFF's thing. When my wife was depressed he decided to try and HELP her. Asshole.
BS: I agree. Unfortunately there aren't very many whole people
ME: I have a saying that we are all messed up and we need to find someone who's messedupedness works with our own.
OK, I'm going to try and sleep. I have to get up at 5 am to go to work. That's REALLY going to suck.
BS: I don't have hard feelings for "My wife's name". I understand the temptation. I just figure since I've never ever even played with that fire , then others should have the same will power
ME: HE must be in my head...
HE just suggested we all meet....
I asked "including your wife" and he said "no"
He is still chatting with Her from his point of view.
BS: Ha
Of course not
Because I know nothing
ME: I just said " Well he says that if she doesn't want to see our chat logs all over the community facebook sites (Q and A, Buy and Sell) and you don't want him to go to your work and disclose everything to your boss that shows that

you are using your work for hookups, then you need to bring your wife into this to prove that you want to move forward and heal both our marriages."
BS: He will talk all night. Trust me.
ME: He says this is turning into a threat
BS: I suggest let him try and sleep on it
And get some sleep
Yourself
If possible
ME: OK... good night! Try and get some sleep. I know I won't
BS: Me either. Sigh. We will walk this out and see


[This message edited by mrcpu at 12:45 PM, July 28th (Monday)]


D-Day 1: 22 Dec 2012
D-Day 2: 22 July 2014
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
1st OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mrcpu

I apologize for the 2x4. Your technological detective work was excellent, but you are making this seem to be a lesson in etiquette instead of a fight for the survival of your marriage. It appears like to plan to just accept her denials and be content that you outsmarted the POS OM and were nice to his wife. So far, I still see justified mistrust but no real anger to the point that she did anything but go back to her ironing.

His wife seems used to this behavior and probably has her head in the sand in denial also. No one flirts like that and never follows through if they get the opportunity with someone else's wife, which seems to be his specialty.

S right now, you caught her. She did not even seem to get upset or show any remorse, and you played a funny joke on him that scared him but that he will realize was a joke since your wife and his know you were kidding.

So what is next. i see more CIA work. My advice now would be to see an attorney, get divorce papers, and tell her she has one more chance to tell you the entire truth but that if you do not believe her. Then file the papers, which you can stop at any time, and tell her it is now her responsibility to convince you she still wants to be married to you, not your responsibility to accept her word as truth, which we know it is not.


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a lot of thinking to do.


D-Day 1: 22 Dec 2012
D-Day 2: 22 July 2014
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
1st OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
Topic Posts: 98
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5

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