You don't give us much information, but your pain is palpable. please hang in there. We are all here to help.
Fullofremorse07, yeah. It's going to be hard. I will tell you this truth. As a BS, even though my FWH and I are fully reconciled, I would have had SO much more respect for him, if he had had the courage to tell me the truth, rather then make me discover it on my own. Offering me the truth might have set me free from my compulsive need, to this day, to check up on him. Or might have mitigated it. It would have helped me to rebuild my trust in him quicker.
You have that option. You can lance this wound, this abscess, and start purging the infection. Both of you will be healthier, quicker, if you do rather than let it fester and poison even more of your marriage. You can do this. For yourself. For your children. For your marriage. Lean on the other Ws here. They have walked in your footsteps and will help you.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
And tell him the complete truth the first time.
These are the two major mistakes I have made through this process. Because of them, I have no credibility with my BS and I am facing the end of my marriage.
Stay on SI. Come here often for help, suggestions and support. You have friends here, and people who have been where you are now, and are willing to share their experiences and advice.
Currently living apart, unsure of reconciliation. In IC.
"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
no stop sign = BS always welcome
Deleting is the worst thing that you can do because it will lead to unresolved questions.
However most waywards seem to do this, we think we are going to save our butts by doing it. In reality we simply dig ourselves deeper.
So, while it's important to wait until you have some space from your kids, please confess as soon as possible.
Also, please do not confess then give him a speech about all the work you're doing on yourself and start handing him books to read. Don't try to control his healing. Good luck!
I too confessed to my BH, including a ONS with his BF going back 21 years. A positive thing for you (although it may not feel like it right now) is that you realise what you have done and know you need to come clean to your BH. It will be hard, I will not sugar coat that, but it is the only way to begin to live your life with honesty and integrity. Listen to what the BS on here have said. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.
My husband deserves better than me.. I know that.
It will be hard. No doubt. But it sounds like you realize it is worth it.