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Newest Member: Cche (45068)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: On line dating question
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Started O.L.D. after my D. At first I went into it just wanting to have fun and I did. I had no desire for a relationship. Met a guy about 2.5 months ago in similar boat.

I continued to date after him but now I only want to date him and I do want a relationship but I am scared to tell him. He got really hurt in his last relationship and has been taking things VERY slow. I can appreciate that and can be patient if I know he is only dating me.

I don't want to scare him away by telling him the truth. Advice?


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 207 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honesty is the best policy. If your feelings have changed, let him know. If you lose him, it wasn't meant to be.

In dating, as in other aspects of life, it's best to live authentically. If you pattern your behavior to match what someone else wants (or what you suspect they want) you'll never find happiness.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20227 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can appreciate that and can be patient if I know he is only dating me.

I think you should tell him. Not in a heavy commitment sort of way because your D looks like it was only final three months ago so you need to give yourself time as well. But I see no harm in telling him that you really like him and would like to date each other exclusively (while taking it all really slow for both of you).

As PP stated, if that isn't what he wants to do it is better to know now.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2135 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only way to do this dating stuff honestly and authentically is to be honest and authentic yourself. I think all you need to do is to tell him what you've told us:
I only want to date (you) and I do want a relationship but I am scared to tell (you). (I know you) got really hurt in (your) last relationship and (we have) been taking things VERY slow. I can appreciate that and can be patient if I know (you are) only dating me.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard to make yourself vulnerable by admitting something he may not be able to handle, but you're strong and brave enough, and there is always a payoff in being honest even if it means he may need to back off. Hopefully he will be ready to be exclsive too even if you both take everything slow.

I'm glad you're doing well!!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 5

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