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Newest Member: brierpatch (45434)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What If or Would They Have?
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't believe she would have. Hell, I was TT for 3 months from my discovery of the EA, before she came clean of the PA. and I believe it was because she was backed into the polygraph corner.



BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 415 | Registered: Dec 2013
Howie
♂ Member
Member # 41922
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, yes. Her two year affair had been over a year and that year, she would have odd silences that got me thinking,pauses when other folks martial woes came up that got me thinking. Finally, having gathered enough suspicions to have something to counter if she said no, I asked her on all she held sacred if she was loyal-and she said NO. Much later, she said she was trying to gather the courage to confess. I do credit that. Why she tipped me off or why she betrayed me are two things I will never understand.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Jan 2014
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Period.


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5086 | Registered: May 2007
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely not. He lied in the face of evidence, and even then only admitted what I could directly prove. He'd be cheating and lying still.

He will until the day he dies.

(I'd feel bad for his current live-in, if she weren't either an Adult Friend Finders "true love" or his pot dealer's sister, or something equally as soulmate.)


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8885 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4022 | Registered: Dec 2011
Losconang15
♀ Member
Member # 42544
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NOPE! I had suspicions that something was off and every single time it was denied. I even told him to come clean with no consequences or questions and still denied. WH would have never EVER told me anything. He would have taken it to his grave. Unfortunately that's the same fear I have going into the future that unless I find something out, I'll never know :( terrible feeling


Together - 14 years
Married - 7 years
DDay- Jan 15, 2014. WH had EA/PA

Hopeful reconciliation.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2014
bs13
♀ New Member
Member # 44123
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. He's told me that he never would have admitted anything. That eventually their 'relationship' would have gone back to being 'just friends' and safe again.
So far he has still only admitted to the things I have confronted him about, took things farther underground, and has minimized the things I did find.


Me-BW 38
WH 42
Married 14 years, together 19 years
3 kids- 17, 13, 6
D-day 4/11/14

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jul 2014
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My xWGF (1st long term relationship) did admit after we were broken up to cheating. At the time she was trying to get back together with me. However, her efforts by this point were far too weak. I'm not sure why she confessed really. I had already figured out on my own that she cheated so it wasn't a revelation for me. In fact she didn't even apologize so I think it was less about making amends to me and more about relieving her sense of guilt.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4007 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you believe they would have told you any truth if they weren't actually caught having an affair?

Well, I don't think my wayward husband would have ever admitted to it.

When, we were watching movies during our marriage, in which a man would admit to cheating, he would always say the guy was a fool for admitting it. He said he should have kept it secret. Because why hurt the spouse.

I found out only through an anonymous letter.

I also suspect other affairs, early in our marriage, now, but I can't prove them, and he won't admit to any.

Still, early in our marriage there was a woman in my neighborhood who kept telling me she saw him with a red haired women, the same one. She was a local gossip, but she did seem to have pretty good radar, and seemed to know everything going on in every corner of the neighborhood.

When, I questioned my husband, he insisted it was a client.

He does have female clients. So, I still don't know what the truth is.

He did deny it at first, when caught, an only confessed when I showed him evidence.

[This message edited by seethelight at 9:22 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1436 | Registered: May 2014
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know for a fact that my H would have never ended it if I didn't find out. And he probably would have strung her along for another 20 years or so. Partly because she was willing to let it go on that way.

But what I cling to is reality - I DID find out. And, when I did, he dropped her - kersplat. After 6 years of being her everything, the scales fell from his eyes, he realized what he could have lost (me and my boys), and he stopped living in his fantasy world and returned to reality. Realizing that - hey! - reality is not so bad. In fact, it is pretty damn great!


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 424 | Registered: May 2014
SoTired011114
♀ New Member
Member # 43014
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, my WH told me himself that "if you hadn't found out, then I probably would have never told you". Uugghhh probably my ass, he would have taken it to his deathbed


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 3 years, together 6
DDay: 1/11/2014- internet/phone EA
Status: Giving it all we've got.

Posts: 47 | Registered: Apr 2014
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, my WH told me himself that "if you hadn't found out, then I probably would have never told you". Uugghhh probably my ass, he would have taken it to his deathbed


The deathbed thing really upsets me, too.

I have read of people who have only learned of a spouse's affair, after their death.

I can only imagine how hurtful and emotionally damaging that would be, because the faithful spouse would never be able to get any closure, ever.

So, just thinking of the possibility of a spouse finding out after the cheating spouse's death, wasn't enough to stop the cheating.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1436 | Registered: May 2014
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ooooops! I realize I answered the wrong question.

Would my H have ever told me the truth if I asked? Heck no. Because I did and he didn't. Even after he gave me an STD. He insisted that there had to have been another way for me to have contracted it. My doctor said the chances were remote, but if he insisted and I believed him...I was so STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. But, back to the point - never in a million years would he have told me!


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 424 | Registered: May 2014
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way.

WS are selfish and they will protect themselves initially above all else.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1214 | Registered: Apr 2013
Didact
♂ Member
Member # 42867
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you believe they would have told you any truth if they weren't actually caught having an affair?

I don't think so. She told me that she believed it would end at that I'd never find out. Perhaps, if we had found some other way to really start being honest with each other (besides the worst way imaginable) she would have felt the need to tell the truth. I genuinely hope that we approach that type of relationship in the future.


No matter how painful, life either adapts or it dies.

BH (Me) 49
WW 48
Married 1985
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R


Posts: 240 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 35
Pages: 1 · 2

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