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Newest Member: confusedwife32 (44902)

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User Topic: Hysterical Bonding.
BrokenDoe
♀ New Member
Member # 44077
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um. I have read a bit about the whole hysterical bonding theory.

And well he just showed me he is clean no STI and I am 9 months pregnant and full of hormones. Would it really mess things up to ask him to help my relieve some of my built up ... I don't know what to put here.

I am not sure I would even want to reconcile later with him, I guess I just want some psychical comfort and release.

Has anyone else ever felt like this delt with this?

Am I crazy?


BW 32
WH 32
Married 6 together 10, friends 20
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 3yr & 1DS 1month

Planing on giving birth, then sorting things out.
*update* perfect little boy born


Posts: 47 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Ontario
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depends so much on the individual, but if you are thinking of separating or divorcing later I would give it a miss.

I declined HB because i was so damn angry. I personally don't think my WH would have survived the experience.


Posts: 1704 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you both want it, go for it. It's the only good part of recovery so might as well.


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 573 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Red&Gray
♀ Member
Member # 32417
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have sort of dealt with what you describe. Assuming you have not already, um ... made a decision, I'll answer your question with a question:

How will you feel tomorrow if you go through with it?

Your answer to that question is what matters most, IMO.


Me: BS 42
Him: FWH 42 (1 EA; 1 ONS; 1 EA>PA w/ OW in another country)
- M 16 years (12 at time of A)
- Two children post-A

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: red&gray
Red&Gray
♀ Member
Member # 32417
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh -- and no, you are not crazy. You're pregnant. It's a condition easily confused with crazy, but not clinically crazy.

:)


Me: BS 42
Him: FWH 42 (1 EA; 1 ONS; 1 EA>PA w/ OW in another country)
- M 16 years (12 at time of A)
- Two children post-A

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: red&gray
MegM
♀ Member
Member # 34941
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is your journey and whatever might bring you comfort is the most important thing.

If you do go ahead I can't recommend using protection enough. (I would say this even if you weren't pregnant - but obviously this weights the need even a little more).

I indulged - a lot - and my insistence on using a condom kept some boundaries in place for me - as well as keeping me safe from potential infections or diseases that he might have.

Your boundaries might be different - I have heard of ppl here on SI that set other boundaries about what they wouldn't allow to happen that helped them feel safe - while still allowing them the comfort of some intimacy.

For some reason I needed it. It was an educated risk that practicing safe sex helped to manage. I found comfort and release in our sex. Sometimes I cried during or after, sometimes I felt angry - but for some reason during that period abstaining was not an option for me.

If I decided later that I didn't want to reconcile so be it. I could still decide that now. The fact that I was having 'meaningless' sex with him in that period was irrelevant to my journey of reconciliation and I made that clear to him at the time - that it didn't mean anything with regard to the amount of work in front of us.

I say 'meaningless' - but the truth is it helped to reform the circle of 'us' once I had full disclosure.

But look after yourself - physically and emotionally.

Meg


BS / fWS me 41 (@ DDay)
WS / BS him 39-BlindFreddy (@DDay)
My DD's 13 Jan 2012 / 29 Jan / 27 Feb (Trickle truth for 5 wks)
His DDay Dec 2003 (details 06/12)
Married
3 ch(6 - 16 at discovery)
remembering "Sunshine on my shoulders"

Posts: 634 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Australia
neecee
♀ Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kicked my WH out the night I found out about his A. 6 weeks later I gave into my desires and we had the most amazing sex. We always had amazing sex, frequently,for 27 years!!! So I can relate to your situation and needs. Ultimately it brought us closet and was the first step that I needed to take to start taking down the wall I had built up around me. Intimacy always brought us closer, this time was no exception. The honeymoon stage lasted a good 2 weeks and then the reality of our "new" life set in. And it sucks!!!!
So I say YOU GO GIRL, GET YOUR GROOVE ON!!!! Enjoy it while it lasts!!!


What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.....I should be dead by now!!!!!
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 100 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say go for it but first think about the question posted above...how will you feel tomorrow. I have to say HB was some of the best sex I've had, However had I known he had gone undergrround with the A, I would have declined. I felt kinda shitty after I found out he was still seeing ow.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5025 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 8

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