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Newest Member: surprised1 (45370)

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User Topic: Hysterical Bonding.
BrokenDoe
♀ New Member
Member # 44077
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um. I have read a bit about the whole hysterical bonding theory.

And well he just showed me he is clean no STI and I am 9 months pregnant and full of hormones. Would it really mess things up to ask him to help my relieve some of my built up ... I don't know what to put here.

I am not sure I would even want to reconcile later with him, I guess I just want some psychical comfort and release.

Has anyone else ever felt like this delt with this?

Am I crazy?


BW 32
WH 32
Married 6 together 10, friends 20
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 3yr & 1DS 1month

Planing on giving birth, then sorting things out.
*update* perfect little boy born


Posts: 49 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Ontario
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depends so much on the individual, but if you are thinking of separating or divorcing later I would give it a miss.

I declined HB because i was so damn angry. I personally don't think my WH would have survived the experience.


Posts: 1748 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you both want it, go for it. It's the only good part of recovery so might as well.


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 788 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Red&Gray
♀ Member
Member # 32417
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have sort of dealt with what you describe. Assuming you have not already, um ... made a decision, I'll answer your question with a question:

How will you feel tomorrow if you go through with it?

Your answer to that question is what matters most, IMO.


Me: BS 42
Him: FWH 42 (1 EA; 1 ONS; 1 EA>PA w/ OW in another country)
- M 16 years (12 at time of A)
- Two children post-A

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: red&gray
Red&Gray
♀ Member
Member # 32417
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh -- and no, you are not crazy. You're pregnant. It's a condition easily confused with crazy, but not clinically crazy.

:)


Me: BS 42
Him: FWH 42 (1 EA; 1 ONS; 1 EA>PA w/ OW in another country)
- M 16 years (12 at time of A)
- Two children post-A

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: red&gray
MegM
♀ Member
Member # 34941
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is your journey and whatever might bring you comfort is the most important thing.

If you do go ahead I can't recommend using protection enough. (I would say this even if you weren't pregnant - but obviously this weights the need even a little more).

I indulged - a lot - and my insistence on using a condom kept some boundaries in place for me - as well as keeping me safe from potential infections or diseases that he might have.

Your boundaries might be different - I have heard of ppl here on SI that set other boundaries about what they wouldn't allow to happen that helped them feel safe - while still allowing them the comfort of some intimacy.

For some reason I needed it. It was an educated risk that practicing safe sex helped to manage. I found comfort and release in our sex. Sometimes I cried during or after, sometimes I felt angry - but for some reason during that period abstaining was not an option for me.

If I decided later that I didn't want to reconcile so be it. I could still decide that now. The fact that I was having 'meaningless' sex with him in that period was irrelevant to my journey of reconciliation and I made that clear to him at the time - that it didn't mean anything with regard to the amount of work in front of us.

I say 'meaningless' - but the truth is it helped to reform the circle of 'us' once I had full disclosure.

But look after yourself - physically and emotionally.

Meg


BS / fWS me 41 (@ DDay)
fWS / BS him 39-BlindFreddy (@DDay)
My DD's 13 Jan 2012 / 29 Jan / 27 Feb (Trickle truth for 5 wks)
His DDay Dec 2003 (details 06/12)
Married
3 ch(6 - 16 at discovery)
remembering "Sunshine on my shoulders"

Posts: 655 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Australia
neecee
♀ Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kicked my WH out the night I found out about his A. 6 weeks later I gave into my desires and we had the most amazing sex. We always had amazing sex, frequently,for 27 years!!! So I can relate to your situation and needs. Ultimately it brought us closet and was the first step that I needed to take to start taking down the wall I had built up around me. Intimacy always brought us closer, this time was no exception. The honeymoon stage lasted a good 2 weeks and then the reality of our "new" life set in. And it sucks!!!!
So I say YOU GO GIRL, GET YOUR GROOVE ON!!!! Enjoy it while it lasts!!!


What doesn't kill me.....better run cause when I get back up I'm gonna kick some ass!!!
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 141 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say go for it but first think about the question posted above...how will you feel tomorrow. I have to say HB was some of the best sex I've had, However had I known he had gone undergrround with the A, I would have declined. I felt kinda shitty after I found out he was still seeing ow.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5142 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 8

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