I let my husband move back in after dday to work on our marriage and he has been working but I must say, I really don't know if I want to stay any longer. I have been riding this roller coaster ride and it is starting to level out and I want to get the hell off of it. I want to go get cotton candy, ride some other rides, enjoy the amusement park. Hell, even leave the park.
At first, I really wanted it to work. Now, I feel/think this adultery shit is for the birds. This way of life is sad , pathetic, stupid!!!
Sorry for cussing, I was never a cusser until all this took place. I am sorry. .I am all over the place , I feel that big hill coming and I am sick of it, just done with all these emotions.
[This message edited by Love25 at 10:41 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]
If your WH is working and changing, and you are working and changing, and you are done, then maybe it is a deal breaker for you. If there was rugsweeping or your WS hasn't really changed, I can totally understand feeling done.
A third possibility is that you are tired. You've been working at healing, and you are just tired. I've been there too. If you believe your WH has changed, and your marriage is worth keeping, you can wait it out and these feelings will likely pass.
For me, I tend to feel like this when we get busy and don't make time for each other. It is like my mind is taking note of the lack of connection and some kind of emergency alarm goes off.
Interspersed with my fatigue there would be glimmers of humor, cautious happiness, peaceful family times. I'd use those hopeful moments to get my focus on the positive. My natural inclination after the A was to be self-protective, and that often made me focus more heavily on the hurt of the A in the belief that that would keep me safer (he couldn't hurt me if I didn't let him in or if I only allowed the negative to be my focus.) But in choosing to put my attention on the worst of it, I was only wearing myself further down and was missing any joy or peace that was becoming available to me. I leaned heavily on IC and MC to help me shift my focus. I didn't become all pollyanna about it--suddenly seeing rainbows and unicorns everywhere I looked, and allowing my H to skate on all the changes that had and would continue to be made, but my view became more open and balanced. Year 2 was the workhorse year of change, and year 3 was the time of actually enjoying the fruits of all our labors.