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User Topic: Should I believe him? Even so, he shouldn't have!
julesinpain
♀ Member
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went out of town Monday night with my sister. I rarely ever go away on my own with out WH. We have been doing well and I felt good about leaving for the night. He was home with our boys.

So I get home and we are happy to see each other, then eventually I went in to check my FB account. My sons was up and I thought that was weird since our son doesn't use our laptop. I had a weird feeling and I checked the searches. Sure enough WH had searched his OW Monday night. Monday night right after we said our goodnights to each other.

Back story: I sometimes was looking at the OW's FB through my sons account. (WH and I have her blocked) Just to make sure I didn't see weird stuff about my hubby and to check up on her. I would sometimes report to my husband some of the stupid things she was doing. (I know not smart) He wondered how I knew these things. At first I said "I have my ways" Then one day I told him how. I haven't looked or reported about her in at least two months or more to him. I am trying to completely keep her out of my head space!

So when I questioned why he looked her up while I was gone, his answer was " I was trying to see how you find out information about her" I said "I told you how I find it out" He said he doesn't remember that. Either way I was pissed he had looked her up. There was no excuse for it!!

He says he scrolled down through a couple things she had up then closed it. Which I doubt he only looked at a couple, but I can't prove this. I told him I feel he looked because he was curious about what was going on in her life, and to see pictures of her. He tells me a few times over, that he only looked because he wanted to know how I knew about her and wondered if FB was how. (remember I hadn't talked with him about her in months, and I already told him how) He says he doesn't remember that. :(

He didn't realize that it saves the history of searches. I am sure he would have removed it otherwise. It was very disappointing that when I finally leave him overnight again, this is what he does.

Should I be worried about this?? Was he just wanting to see her and curious what was happening in her life? I wish he didn't catch me looking at it, because then I could have seen if he continued to search her.

The sad thing is after I told him I think he is lying and looked her up because he wanted to see her and what was going on in her life, he didn't talk to me again all night and left quickly for work this morning earlier then usual. If he was innocent of just checking because he wondered how I knew about her, wouldn't he be loving and trying to convince me that this is the case?

We have been doing amazing and things are starting to feel good and normal and a tiny bit of trust was coming back. This has set me back once again. She is obviously on his mind!!!

Should I let this pass, just talk it over with him? Do I believe he did it to see how I knew, because he forgot how I told him? He has lied to me so badly so many times over the years. I am angry the one time I finally go out of town, he looks that skank up!


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think his reason is bullshit.

If he really wanted to know he could have asked you to show him. If he didn't remember you telling him you looked OW up on son's FB, what prompted him to do it?

I'm voting lies.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Feelthrownaway
♀ Member
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds off to me. Why look the first night you leave ? Why get defensive? Why does he care six years later? I'm not saying he is cheating just that his excuses are bs.


BW- 48
FWH-49
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 23 years- together 25

What doesn't kill me, scars me.


Posts: 1068 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The sad thing is after I told him I think he is lying and looked her up because he wanted to see her and what was going on in her life, he didn't talk to me again all night and left quickly for work this morning earlier then usual. If he was innocent of just checking because he wondered how I knew about her, wouldn't he be loving and trying to convince me that this is the case?

Is it possible he left early for work to meet with the OW, again.

My wayward was going in early to work to have breakfast with the OW.

Also, I doubt he forgot. I agree, even if he is not still seeing her, he is thinking about her.

I don't think you should let this go.

There are two ways to get at the truth, hire a Private investigator to follow him, particularly when he leaves for work too early. Or, ask a friend, one he does not know, to follow him.

The other that might be helpful is to ask him to take a polygraph.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1361 | Registered: May 2014
julesinpain
♀ Member
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your answers ladies!

I call BS too. He was obviously thinking about her either way and choose to look her up. There was NO excuse in my mind that he did! He wanted to see her life and pictures and he used me looking her up in the past, as an excuse. He knew he could just say he wanted to find out how I knew about her, and that way he might get away with it.

In my head, she was on his mind and now he has lost what little trust I was building. Because I wonder did he really look her up because he wants contact again? I have all this shit streaming though my head once again and THAT pisses me off!! I shouldn't have to be thinking about this today. I wanted to come home and be so happy that he did amazing while I was gone. Instead it is the opposite!!

When he left earlier then usual,I really doubt he was meeting her this morning. (you just never know, tho my gut says he wasn't) It was more he was avoiding me and having to talk about it.


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012
NoMorDeceit
♀ Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slippery slope he is going down. His reason doesn't matter. The issue is whatever was broken in 2008 and in 2010 is still broken. Two seconds out your sight and he is searching for his ex-OW? Seriously.

What steps did you take to deal with his infidelities in the past? Has he done IC? There is zero excuse for this. Zero. It shows he has a light veneer over himself to hide his real intentions from you, he has not changed, he just painted his room a different color for you. I'd be on that like white on rice. Do not let this go. Your R with him is shallow, he hasn't dug deep at all. He is just doing what he needs to do to pacify you, once he thought he had time alone, the first thing he goes for is her? I wouldn't put up with that.

[This message edited by NoMorDeceit at 2:38 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 532 | Registered: Apr 2009
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him I feel he looked because he was curious about what was going on in her life, and to see pictures of her.

Yes, I think you nailed him on this one _^^^^

Why on the night you left, this makes him look suspicious too.
I would be on alert for sure.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5127 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he didn't clear the browser history, where he went on her page will be there, too. You can go click on each link and it will take you right to each photo or page in her fb that he looked at.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4144 | Registered: Sep 2005
julesinpain
♀ Member
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where do I find the browser history? I only saw he looked her up in the search.

Thank you

Edit: Never mind, I know what you mean. He did delete the browser history.

[This message edited by julesinpain at 4:51 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012
PrtyInPink
♀ Member
Member # 44148
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by PrtyInPink at 4:55 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]


Me: 30ish Him: 30ish (99% sure he has NPD)
Together 14 yrs, Married 9 yrs
His #1 EA D-day 10/20/09
His #2 PA/EA D-day 7/11/14
My PA D-day 10/21/09
My brain says leave, my heart says stay

Posts: 295 | Registered: Jul 2014
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a quick mention that if your WS deletes browser history they are hiding something. That in itself tells you something.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
julesinpain
♀ Member
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor, you are right. I think he erased the whole Facebook thing in the browser so I wouldn't discover he looked her up! He was hiding it from me!! Or trying, but he forgot having my sons Facebook up might cause suspicion for me.


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This now raises the question, has he been doing this right along and deleting the browser history. This time he forgot to close the FB page....gotcha.

This is a serious breach. You can't just ignore it and I know that takes you right back to the beginning. I am sorry he has done this and how it is now affecting your security and faith in your M. Shame on him, for doing it, and for running away this morning. He isn't owning his actions and that IS a major problem.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2985 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
julesinpain
♀ Member
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been thinking about this all day today and the more I think the more pissed off I get, because now crap that I haven't thought of in a long time is back in my head!!

There was no excuse to look the skank up!! None!! So why did he do it? Why is he even thinking about her, and why when I leave town?

Again he thinks he can just say sorry and all is good again. I realize I have trained him this way over the years by just going back to normal. I am so tired of him having to say sorry! I am feeling my old anger coming back, when things were so great the last few months. All because he wanted to see his skank on Facebook behind my back!

Start saying sorry, by not hurting me anymore WH!!


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012
stunnedmullet
♀ Member
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 12:42 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I am so sorry, I don't have any advice but I too would be suspicious and worried.

I just wanted to let you know another one that is sending you strength and support x


DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

Us together 20 years, married 17 and 6 kids

I always thought I was enough but obviously not!


Posts: 209 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 15

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