Sorry for the long message, but there's a lot to it. Unlike my STBXWW, I have not been out on the market for 16 years. I told myself I wasn't going to actively pursue any relationship for awhile. I am not too interested in the whole dating scene right now, especially trying to get through my D. However, something absolutely unexpected happened.
I started having friendly chit chat with someone I already knew. After a short time it got very deep, you could tell something more was there. She knew that I was in the midst of a D. I told her after I got through my D, I really wanted to explore the possibility of a relationship. She was all for it and said that we could just keep talking and hang out until then.
So we did that and we essentially found ourselves getting more emotionally and physically connected. We had a budding relationship on our hands. I told her about my STBX's A and she disclosed she was part of the club too with her XWH. We both have children and are very committed to them. However, her and her XH split a number of years ago, but it can be seen that she still has some wounds there. We both realized it was developing into something more quickly, so she started applying brakes. She said that she didn't want to hurt me, nor did she want to be hurt and really wanted to wait until I was through my D. She even used words like, "this seems too good to be true," which I felt the same way, and it made me excited.
Don't get me wrong, things that seem too good, usually are, but I just wanted to allow myself to be vulnerable just in case. I don't want to get hurt, but I also knew there was something else there. We have a ton in common, we have a ton of mutual friends, we are really good together, we are very attracted to one another and we both hold similar values. The chemistry when we are together is great.
I told her that I will respect whatever she wants, so I would just follow her lead. She told me that she "is confused." Since then, she has pulled away and keeps up limited contact. It started out that we were keeping up daily contact, then it went to responding within 24 hours, to now, we have gone the longest without talking with one another at 1 week. We both see what each other is up to through social media, but of course it is not the same.
I know I am probably overthinking this, but it just pains me to think that something else has happened and our chances are dwindling. I keep telling myself, "she told you she wanted to wait until you were divorced, so just be patient," but there is also those other voices of she is no longer interested, I did something or she met someone else. I get worn out with all this sometimes. My D supposedly is going to be finalized in the next week or two, but I just don't know. I'm also not interested in feeling dependent on someone else, so I am working hard not to be too attached right now. I'm just letting things happen - which is what is helping me through all this.
I think she looks at what she went through during her journey and thinks I will go down those same paths - that takes a ton of time. I know it is probably just a protective factor on her part, but I just wish she would let herself be vulnerable with me. I just don't want her to think I have lost interest in her, but I don't want to send her texts all the time either. I have followed her requests of following her lead...but of course I would love to chat with her more regularly.
I'm just new back into this and am confused. I need some sense talked into me.Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."