Problem is, she is the one who walked in fWH having sex with OW. She's still angry and feels betrayed by her dad, and is angry at me for staying.
Knowing her, as soon as I say something to her about acceptable behaviour, she's going to ask me why I'm talking to her about what not to accept, when I stayed married after dad cheated?
Any ideas on how to broach this subject, and on what to say when she challenges me (and she will)?
Thoughts and ideas would be greatly appreciated, I don't want to screw this up.
Tell her that she's got to determine what's acceptable for her in her relationships, and that you want her to have healthy relationships and avoid the pain you've faced. And you can offer to answer any questions and be open about what kinds of choices and boundaries she should be thinking about -- but in the end the choices will be hers to make.
And remind her that she's a valuable person and deserves respect and honesty.
Just a thought...
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
ETA: Focus -- every day! -- on telling her what a great girl she is, how proud you are of her, and how proud she should be of herself. Girls with high self-esteem won't put up with boys who treat them badly. Have conversations with her as issues arise, asking for her opinion on how certain couples treat each other and what she thinks of it. Talk to her about what she thinks dating relationships should be like, and why. I know from working with middle school kids that discussions often go better than lectures.
[This message edited by krsplat at 7:05 AM, July 24th (Thursday)]
Let her know that her actions could have lasting consequences: sex equals possible pregnancy or STDs.
Other than that, I would just sit back and keep a close eye, without her realizing if possible, as nonchalant as possible.
When you see her making mistakes, try to guide her gently and give her the wisdom of your experience at that point. I think she will be more accepting of your counsel when you offer it and it makes sense to her and she can put it to immediate use.
Trying to give her a lesson on boundaries and acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior pre-emptively before anything goes wrong in her relationship is going to be tough.
I have a 16-year-old son. He doesn't heed warnings well, my warnings and advice given ahead of time to head off problems seem to go in one ear and out the other, or worse yet, sometimes the warning doesn't even get in his ear, just goes right over his head.
But when he has a problem and I have advice that can help, he will listen. I was the same way as a teenager.
You know your own kid, if you think she'll listen and use the advice now, then go ahead.
[This message edited by wk55hn at 10:46 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]
And really in general people make decisions based on the info at hand at the time. And what works for one might not work for anyone else.