My husband had a four-month EA/PA affair last year. As I’m sure all of you can relate, it was the most devastating experience of my life.
Unfortunately, I did not find the SI website until much too late, so I made mistakes that I *profoundly* regret. Oh how I wish I had known about the 180.. How I wish I had been able to read this forum.. But I was alone, going insane, a caged animal acting on impulse, doing the exact opposite of what I should have done. Could’ve Would’ve Should’ve..
Regrettably, I made the poor decision back then to confront my husband’s AP, via text, and it did not go well at all. It only resulted in a lot of humiliation for me.
I have no one to talk to about any of this. I feel like I’m in Kafka’s Trial. Everything is completely absurd.
For many months now I have been on the fence about sending a letter to the Board of Ed (they are both teachers) to expose her.
It's a dilemma: should I send that letter? How do you view that? Would you categorize it as Consequence, or Payback, or.. Revenge?
Of course, I grasp that it might not be the most productive thing to do. I understand that it could all fire back - she could in turn get back on us, and he might lose his job as well. - ??? - I don't know. But I have been thinking about this for many months, and it absolutely kills me that she has gotten an ENORMOUS ego-boost out of her fling with my husband, while I have been thrown under the bus, spit upon, and ridiculed (yes, they laughed about me).
Yes, I obsess. I check her iPhoneogram and blog and Facebook page all the time. I cannot stop myself. Her life is completely and absolutely fabulous, while mine is a heap of crap. She travels and meets people and does incredibly fun things. A new guy every month too.. My husband was one of them. She was actually dating other people while they were together, but he did not care, he was in love and acted like her puppy.
I also resent the hypocrisy. Her claim to care oh so much about the kids she teaches, about what a fantastic teacher she is.. But she had no problem laughing in my face and intensifying the affair after I told her of the utmost pain that the kids and I were going through. The only time in four months that my husband agreed to watch the kids, he took them on a date with her! He left our 8 yo daughter alone in the car in a dark alley one time while he ran up to his AP’s apartment “for a few minutes.” He brought her to our house for dinner as his “friend.” Our daughter asked him one evening if he could hold her, and he snapped at her that he was busy, yet spent countless hours cuddling with that tramp. Our 6 yo son developed severe anger issues during those months. My husband completely ignored him while the boy was sick and constantly asked where daddy was, yet drove across town to bring his mistress soup and make her tea if she had so much as a sneeze. She reveled in all his attention and adoration. I feel sick thinking about all of this.
I am full of pain, anger, and hatred.
I have lost 40 lbs. People marvel and ask what I did to lose so much weight; I want to tell them, “Grief.” It is now 3AM as I am drafting this, and I cannot sleep. I have had three drinks to medicate myself.
Why should her life continue to be blissful, while mine has been destroyed? She was a knowing and willful participant in this mess, full of arrogance and cruelty. She intentionally caused havoc. Should there be no consequences for her actions? Zero? None?
Two kids, DD(9) & DS(6)
OW: 15 years younger than me
4-month EA/PA in 2013