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User Topic: Why Does the AP Not Have to Suffer Any Consequences for the A?
justdoit
♀ Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything lovedyoumore said - especially about potential fallout for your kids. The school board will likely see them as two consenting adults, and if there is punishment it will be handed out to both. How hard would it be for your wh to get another job?
I do understand what you're saying - I almost hired someone to put a sign in fwh's whore's lawn that said "Warning: I sleep with married men - maybe your husband too!". It is good she lived 2,000 miles away or I probably would have done it myself and with my luck gotten arrested!


Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 159 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IC explained the TRIANGLE pretty well....when the A is brought to light (dday) someone gets left behind....
the OW in our case divorced her husband in the middle of their 2 year A....her ex moved on....A exposed...she got left behind....all the social media crap is just that CRAP....
I wish her peace of mind ....and to focus on her part so she can move on and find someone AVAILABLE....
she is suffering and for that I admit I have compassion...because no one wins in infidelity....


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 616 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry this happened to you. At some point you will see that focusing on the AP is a waste of time. It took me more than a year to get to that point, and in unguarded moments he still pops in my head from time-to-time. But your real problem is with the guy who lies down next to you each night. If he valued and protected your marriage, there isn't a woman in the world who could get between the two of you.

My suggestion is to try your best to forget about her - she's one of probably hundreds if not thousands of women in your geographical area that would have filled the same role under different circumstances. Figure out what's wrong with your husband and whether he's worthy of a second chance, and that will eventually resolve all of your problems. Best of luck.

ETA:

only time in four months that my husband agreed to watch the kids, he took them on a date with her! He left our 8 yo daughter alone in the car in a dark alley one time while he ran up to his AP’s apartment “for a few minutes.” He brought her to our house for dinner as his “friend.”

Read this several times. Do you see who your real problem is? She could have been anyone. He needs to pull his head out of his ass and decide if he wants to be a married father or a single guy.

BTW, I'm sure she's a real lowlife sleaze. Didn't mean to imply otherwise. But the world's full of sleazes, nothing new about that. They are dime a dozen and about as unique as grains of sand. But you have one husband. That's where your focus should be.

Best of luck, we're pulling for you!

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 8:10 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Verynaive
♀ New Member
Member # 41425
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can totally relate. As we were "friends", I wanted everyone to know who and what she was. But in the end it would have been kids that got hurt. I hijacked this from a member here and apologize that I can not give credit as I copied it and read it when I get upset.

It must really suck to live everyday with such low self-esteem and self-confidence that you need to go against decent human moral values to get attention from married men.

Even the women that come across as thinking they are all "that" and portray themselves as such...are hiding the fact that they feel worthless.

No one who feels good about themselves, has high integrity, and moral values commits to this behavior.

In the end...they are cheap, easy, pathetic creatures. It must suck to feel like that everyday.

No matter what...she can't erase the ugly stain from her soul, or feel confident, or hold her head up with pride. She just has to keep living like a bottom feeder. Never good enough to get married, barely good enough to be passed around.


Posts: 13 | Registered: Nov 2013
nothinglefttogive
♀ New Member
Member # 44365
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, August 16th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written this myself. I exposed. All darkness come to light, right?. I don't regret it either. I tried my best to keep it from the kids but since he was a coward at the time, they found out. I feel bad for him because it has to suck big time with your kids looking at you like you have two heads.

As for the OW, who cares? She is a non factor now. An empty shell whom everyone knows about now. WH told her MY personal business and she in turn told others. But see, I wasn't even mad at her. That's what she had to do to try and make her feel better. My problem lies with him. It pains me to know that the H I chose to live the rest of my life with and have three beautiful children by would also throw me under the bus. I didn't have much self esteem to begin with and when the A was discovered, it drained what was left. DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOURSELF FEEL GOOD. IF YOU DON'T, THE CHILDREN WON'T FEEL GOOD EITHER. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND KEEP IT MOVING.


Nothinglefttogive

Posts: 14 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: California
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, August 16th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't compare the inside of your life to the outside of hers

This is brilliant ^^^^^^

It does sometimes feel like they have zero consequences but really, how empty her life must really be if she has a new man every month. That says to me, she's incapable of a real relationship, only shallow empty lustfests...when thing's get real, she trades them in. I too felt like ow suffered none but.I doht know what really goes on in her life, only what I know from the surface. I also didn't know about SI on DD and text ow
trying to make her understand what she did to my family...she doesn't give 2 f**ks about me or my kids. Keep posting when you feel the need, it does help.
Welcome to the club


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Angel177
♀ Member
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, August 16th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The ow in my case was exposed. She still got to walk away from the situation with no consequences. She left obs for om #2 and cut all of our mutual friends out of her life and made new ones, moved to a new place, got a new job and made new friends. Her and Om #2 are now engaged and having a baby. So she lives happily ever after and I live with the aftermath of what she did. Add to that my son died last month and my life is in complete shambles. I hate it. Karma got the wrong person and let her off the hook.

[This message edited by Angel177 at 7:50 AM, August 16th (Saturday)]


Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Daughter-3
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012
Angel177
♀ Member
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, August 16th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post

[This message edited by Angel177 at 7:49 AM, August 16th (Saturday)]


Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Daughter-3
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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