Sexual orientation is on a continuum. It's not as black and white as we tend to think. Being gay--or bi, or anything because we all have our individual quirks and preferences.
I strongly disagree with this. Statistics bear out that orientation is not on a continuum. Different strokes for different folks - sure. But the concept that there is a sliding scale for sexual orientation that applies to everyone is false. Look at the statistics.
I get it. My ex was perfect for several months post d-day. Only wanted me, wanted our family. We did therapy both IC and MC. He tried, I guess, in his way. But, as I look back, the emotional connection really wasn't there.
He just wanted it in the past and to move forward. He didnt' really want to talk about what he had done, or dig around in his head, or work on figuring out who he IS. He just stuffed it back inside (although it looked like he was working because we were in therapy), it didn't take very long for him to just go back to the old coping mechanism.
We understand how hard it is when they SWEAR they are sorry and will not do it again. But, we are here to tell you that only a very small percentage can actually do that.
PROTECT YOURSELF and your child. Get away from him and take some space so you can both think. If you are meant to be together...that will happen in the future. Right now, protect yourself.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
I really appreciate ever ones comments Thank you
The key is this: if you want and are willing to work for a monogamous relationship, you need him to want, to be willing to work for, and to be able to sustain a monogamous relationship.
He probably can't do that if he's gay, but being straight or bi is no guarantee that he will do what you need.
I'd recommend focusing on whether or not he's ready, willing, and able to be monogamous with you.
You have to find out what's important to you and how long can you go with the continued disrespect. You've caught him 5-6 times already. How many chances do you plan on giving him?
[This message edited by UneasyFeelings at 11:24 PM, July 25th (Friday)]
I strongly disagree with this. Statistics bear out that orientation is not on a continuum. Different strokes for different folks - sure. But the concept that there is a sliding scale for sexual orientation that applies to everyone is false.
If you'd read my message you'd know that sexuality wasn't even the POINT. I stated my opinion that yes, the OP's husband is likely gay, but that is the LEAST of her worries because dishonesty, lack of commitment, and refusal to commit to a monogamous relationship are marriage killers, regardless of orientation. It doesn't matter whether he is unable or just unwilling -- it just doesn't. Either way, she does not have a partner.
If he's gay, he will not likely ever be able to be a real partner to her. Secrets and lies are barriers to the emotional intimacy required for a successful marriage.
But if he's straight, those lies and deception pose just as great a risk. Until and unless he is remorseful and committed to truth, there cannot be a mutually satisfying marriage.
[This message edited by solus sto at 12:00 AM, July 26th (Saturday)]
Sorry, OP. No intention to hijack.
As PPs have said, I would be more concerned with the dishonesty with you (and perhaps himself) than a conveniently dismissed meet up gone awry. Does it really matter who he's lying to if he is consistently lying and hiding?