Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: WillThriv (44937)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: sometimes it surprises me
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So this guy came to the house today to install internet and phone line for my new job. My office space is in my bedroom and I wanted the box set up there. I was still in pajamas when he arrived, nothing crazy just tank top and shorts. Answered the doo and felt uncomfortable as soon as he introduced himself. Immediately I thought it was me, I began questioning myself. Why do you feel uncomfortable? Because of this person. Why does he make you feel uncomfortable? Because of the way he looked at me. Why did that look make you feel that way? Because I would have taken it as ego kibbles before and now it just makes me feel icky. I got to this conclusion and immediately told xSO to watch the guy and went and changed into jeans and a t-shirt to make me feel more comfortable. I then had to check to make sure the connection worked. I dont have space in my house so my desk is against the wall and I pull it forward for work while I sit on the edge of my bed. I sit where I usually would to begin testing the connection and immediately feel uncomfortable again. I try rushing through it. The guy sees an Xbox controller on the bed next to my laptop and asks how xSO uses it. I tell him I used it and it was a usb connection while simultaneously trying to connect to the internet that's not working. He then begins telling me about how he met his girlfriend through playing games and how they used to go go school together and how he used to get bothered in school and my discomfort raised even higher. I nodded and gave short responses. My internet began working and I said thanks. He left and I felt no need to walk him out just locked the door behind him.

I realized he was crossing boundaries that I have placed and I didnt allow myself to cross them. It catches me by surprise sometimes when I realize I have boundaries now that I am proud of.

[This message edited by Unagie at 1:00 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2736 | Registered: Oct 2012
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well done Unagie, you're making good solid progress and handled the situation really well.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
NoGoodUsername
♂ Member
Member # 40181
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job on that. Your boundaries got pressed more than once there and you held firm. Nice going.


Me: WH
Her: BW
Dday 7/11/13
"May you be protected from hearts that are not humble, tongues that are not wise and eyes that have forgotten how to cry."

Posts: 239 | Registered: Aug 2013
tooanalytical
♂ Member
Member # 22306
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love when my fww exhibits new healthy boundaries and you certainly did here. My only observation is to try and avoid situations that could increase the likelihood that they will be tested.

For example, I wouldn't go out to lunch or dinner alone with a coworker of the opposite sex. Or in a group party I wouldn't stay behind or be the last "two" there. Why test myself? KWIM?

I'm not sure if it was a scheduled call for you, but as a BH I wouldn't feel comfortable if my fww stayed in her pajama shorts knowing a service man was coming into the house that morning.


Me BH 44
FWW 44
Married 21 years
D-Day Apr 29, 2008
Children: 19,17,14
EA/PA - 1 year
Status: R

Posts: 280 | Registered: Jan 2009
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if it was a scheduled call for you, but as a BH I wouldn't feel comfortable if my fww stayed in her pajama shorts knowing a service man was coming into the house that morning.

As a woman, I wouldn't feel comfortable for me!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37577 | Registered: Sep 2007
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was a scheduled call with one of those 4 hour time frames and thats totally on me. I woke up and was cleaning. Thought I still had time but should definitely had changed earlier.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2736 | Registered: Oct 2012
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realized he was crossing boundaries that I have placed and I didnt allow myself to cross them. It catches me by surprise sometimes when I realize I have boundaries now that I am proud of.

I get it. It really is eye-opening to see how other people act. Yesterday I was at a baseball game with a group of people from my office and clients. I was disgusted how the guys were interacting with the women around us and our waitresses.

A year ago, I would have been at the head of the pack.

God, what an asshole I used to be.


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 538 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
FixYou71
♀ Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T/J
SomethingRemorse,
God, what an asshole I used to be.

That made me smile and feel proud of you all at the same time (and I don't even know you). I love it when assholes stop being assholes!!!
Good for you!

Unagie

Good job on shifting your boundaries until you internalized them! You should feel proud too!

[This message edited by FixYou71 at 11:48 PM, July 28th (Monday)]


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum: Wayward Side Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.