I hope things go well for you. I hope you know that whether you talk to friends, family, or anyone is your decision. You have no obligation to your WH to protect his dirty little secret. If talking would help your healing process I'd recommend you do so without worrying at all about WH's reputation or opinion.
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
We have been in successful R for 3+ years and I am SO thankful for my decision not to tell people. Now, when friends/relative see him I feel very comfortable that they are not thinking, "Look at that f*&king asshole, what a POS ~ She should have left that cheater"
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
My cousin knows and sometimes I wish I kept my mouth shut. She never liked him and when we've talked she's always had colorful words to say about him. I don't need that. We're not R'ing, but he's still the father of my children. He should get a little respect for that, no matter how much I hate him.
My friends are all military spouses or members since WH is in the military and I use to be. A few of the women I know/am friends with are married to people within his chain of command. It could jeopardize our ability to provide for our family if his command found out. So I can't tell them.
My family hates the fact I got married and told me I wasn't worth anything and could never keep a man happy. As you can probably imagine the only thing that telling my family would do is to cause more pain.
So Im stuck in my little bubble as well. Its one of the hardest things about this, Im so alone.
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
I know how much it sucks, my wife just had an EA then came home yesterday and wants a divorce. We'd be 8yrs in Sept together 9 too. I can't have kids so dump him and be with me...only kidding. I'm so sorry about your situation. It sucks when few people know and the ones that do aren't supportive. In my first time through here (well, close to here) 14 years ago, all of her family members knew what happened and while they empathized with what I was going through, the fully supported her, and continued to hide the continuing affair from me. I really should go to bed. To much sadness today mixed with anxiety meds and a week without sleep makes a persons perceptions a bit wonky. Night all. hugs and kisses
I have only told one friend, and my wife has only told a couple of family members.
It can be very isolating at times, but not telling certain folks can have its advantages - that is completely up to you to decide.
I am so glad you found us here, and that you are comfortable talking to us.
We're here for you.
[This message edited by BlueBlueEyes at 4:25 AM, July 25th (Friday)]
OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.
Hopeful but cautious
I know many of you are attempting R and I commend you for that. My WH desperately wants to but I canít deal with him or it any longer. I have accepted what WH has done and just want to work on me now.
"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones."
SI is definitely helped in all of that regard. I can ramble / vent / get advice from others in the same boat, and in my rare sane moments pay it forward to another BS.
With that said, I do so understand how isolating it is not to be able to tell.
None of our family members know and some local friend found out through local gossip.
Still, we have out of state friends who don't know.
When, they start to tell me what a great guy my husband is, particularly if a wife says something like "your husband is such a great guy", it just makes me feel so alone.
My husband always projects a nice guy image, it's important to him, but these days it just seem so phony and somewhat manipulative to me.
It's as if he is trying to impress these friend's wives with what a great husband he is, but the truth is he is not such a great husband, nor even a very nice guy.
Some people hate him but the people that matter to me most said if I choose to stay and work it out, they will support me and be civil to him.
Its just too hard to keep it all private sometimes and if people will stop being my friend or push me away from the family then they arent the support I need anyway.
Met - early 2006
Started dating - 12/06/06
Moved in together - 02/2007
Engaged - 2/14/13
Married - 10/26/13
DD - 4/24/14
(EA with, IMHO, an attempt to turn it into a PA. OW wasn't interested and told me)
My WW and I are working on R, and I think things are going as well as can be expected. We haven't really shared the A with any of our friends or family for the most part.
So last night we are having drinks with another couple, and they are telling us a story about another couple they knew that they thought had a great marriage. But then that husband had an A. Then our friend went on and on about what a terrible person this wayward husband was. Meanwhile, I'm wondering what would they think if they knew about my WW's behavior. So I'm glad we have kept things to ourselves.
Come here to talk.