I've reached out to some people (my dad, a few friends) because I needed the support. Would it be nice to take back some of those conversations? Maybe, but then again I really needed help and I don't owe her confidentiality. Actions have consequences.
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
After while, NOT telling started to feel oppressive, like I am perpetuating WH's lies and protecting his reputation at the expense of my mental health. I made WH tell his sister (mostly because he had no one else to talk to) and I told more of my friends, all of whom were supportive and positive. This week, I plan to tell my mother, who is a BW herself.
I know it's way too soon to know if there will be any long-term negative consequences, but right now, telling has been a positive and liberating experience, and I feel much lighter, like I can breathe better now.
Just my two cents.