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User Topic: What to do if invite says no gifts?
Daisy312
♀ Member
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I'm invited to a wedding celebration. Just the reception the couple got married last month. The invite says no gifts. I feel strange going empty handed but also want to honor their request. What would you do?

Posts: 278 | Registered: Sep 2012
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make a contribution to a charity in their name


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6567 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go with a card.

My husband I did NOT want gifts when we got married. We had grandma spread the word. I think we got a couple gift cards, which was nice. But, really, we just wanted a party and appreciated the congratulations cards.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You go and enjoy yourself!
If you feel you absolutely must provide a gift then consider a monetary one or make a donation to a charity in the couple's name. Are they passionate about the outdoors? Animals?


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think when people say no gifts, people should just give them a card or if you have something sentimental with no real monetary value and want to give it, that would also be fine. If someone says no gifts, and then has hard feelings if you didn't give them a gift anyway, then I think that would be rather strange. I would hope that people who are really wanting gifts would not put "no gifts" on the invitation.

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought no gifts meant cash...


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
movingforward777
♀ Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps a nice bottle of wine and a donation to their favorite charity?


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
GabyBaby
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Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go with a card.
My husband I did NOT want gifts when we got married. We had grandma spread the word. I think we got a couple gift cards, which was nice. But, really, we just wanted a party and appreciated the congratulations cards.

Same with us! We had two households worth of stuff, so we didn't need anything. We just wanted our friends and family to celebrate with us.

A card and/or a bottle of wine. (I don't like going empty-handed either).


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6540 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Crescita
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Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think when people say no gifts, people should just give them a card or if you have something sentimental with no real monetary value and want to give it, that would also be fine.

I agree that something sentimental would be nice if you are close. Do you have an old picture of the couple? If they are readers maybe bookmarks with quotes about love/marriage. If you aren't that close a card with your well wishes should be sufficient.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
positively4thst
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Member # 23998
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No gifts means no gifts. Show up and celebrate love and friendship!

Posts: 1252 | Registered: May 2009
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought no gifts meant cash...
Nope. Would that be the epitome of gauche, or what?!

It means no gifts, at all.

When I get an invitation like this, I consider who sent it and whether it reflects the honoree's wishes. If I think the host/ess has made the wrong call (and I can think of two milestone birthday parties, recently, when overprivileged hostesses decided the guests of honor "needed" nothing more; the parties were ostentatious meals costing thousands--given for people struggling to meet the necessities in life, for whom gifts would have made a meaningful difference), I get a small but personal, meaningful present and give it privately so that rule-followers are not uncomfortable. (I might not give it at the event, but rather at another time.)

If I think "no gifts" does reflect the honoree's wish, I get a nice card and write something in it that reflects what I feel that the person has added to my life.

For this wedding, I'd do the latter, assuming the couple has made the decision together.

[This message edited by solus sto at 7:52 AM, July 26th (Saturday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8848 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, July 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I often say "no gifts" for my own celebrations (I feel too old for gifts), but I would be so touched if someone made a donation to a charity in my honor, particularly something they knew I enjoyed (animals/environmental causes/disease research, etc.).


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2312 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A lot of people have had it up to here with 'stuff' and are renting storage units for all the crap. Honor the request and realize that your presence is all that is wanted is wanted or needed. If you must bring something, a card is fine. If you think someone is in need give it privately.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5859 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
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