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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Fighting with Friends
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a new concept. Traditionally, I would have a friendship, when the inevitable disagreement hit, we would go our separate ways. (Just like FOO)

This week, a friend asked for advice. She and I are alike in many ways. Ya know how you can always see everything so clear in everyone else's sitch, but it seems so muddy in your own? Yeah, this was kinda going on. Anyway, we talked off and on for a couple hours. And somewhere, it took a weird turn. She got defensive, and I wasn't expressing myself well. Then I got the "I just need to take a step back" line.

I was ready to puke. Because it was a fight. And I knew I wasn't expressing myself well. And my friend was hurting and confused. And I couldn't figure out how to re-word what I was trying to say. And now she wanted space. I knew how this would end. My heart started to hurt.

Only, because of the over analyzer that she is, she couldn't walk away. We switched gears. Slowed wayyyyy down. Somehow I was able to rephrase in a way that "clicked" for her. I had revelations, she had revelations. And at the end of the day, we were still friends. In fact, I think it helped us both drop walls that we still had up.

Fighting is ok. Disagreeing is ok. People are people. We are human. And we're gonna make mistakes. I would rather have a friend who made mistakes and apologized, than someone who is "perfect". (Cause no offense, but how fake would you have to be to be "perfect" all the time?) I want someone who will tactfully shoot straight, rather than someone who tells me only what they think I wanna hear.

I have authentic humans in my life. The flawed people who get up and keep going. The hot messes who try to chill out. The broken who are gluing their pieces back together. Because they see their issues, and they are trying to become better. They aren't hiding behind a wall, they aren't pretending to be perfect. And I don't have to either. I am who I am. Pretending is over. Walls are down. What you see is what you get.

So yeah. Yay friends. Yay disagreeing and working it out. Yay life.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6256 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for that.

I have found since DDay, I don't have people to talk to deeply. Or maybe the truth is that I feel uncomfortably talking to others. It is nice to hear what you wrote.


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 568 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you, Aubrie! Good for you!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37751 | Registered: Sep 2007
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reminds me of that Dumbledore quote from Harry Potter: "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."

Glad you were able to communicate with each other and work things out.


Posts: 7223 | Registered: Dec 2010
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."

I forgot about that one. Very profound, and very true.

Great job, Aubrie.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know you have it in you Aubrie, good job!


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2755 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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