Hopeful74, we are in Year 4. I hesitate to say reconciled (past tense) only because I never want to get complacent and marriages always require commitment and work. Anything important in life does, and sadly that's not what we did prior to dday. As far as the affair itself goes and having dealt with it, then yes reconciled/past tense. Our marriage is stronger and better now. Life is good. You can make new memories which will replace the old tainted ones.
Bionicgal, really nailed it here. This was about a WS being broken and in a crisis and finding likewise. A mirror. That's all.
If you both work at it, you will find out a lot about yourself, your spouse and your marriage. It's not all going to be good, but it's necessary. It's going to be hard and painful. You will realize very important things along the way too. I remember being able to move from "How could you do this to me?" to "How could you do this to yourself?" There was a big shift in my thinking when I saw it that way. Many big and subtle shifts will come to your awareness.
It's a long process to get to acceptance. You can't rush it. It's your own individual journey on your own timeframe. Good luck with everything.