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User Topic: tmi tmi Another tell tale sign of OM tmi tmi
beingmiranda
♀ Member
Member # 32519
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was one of my very first suspicions. He came home from work, ran right past me and into the bathroom to shave his area. Like the h&l, he would never and was a constant request of mine. It was so gross.

But you know what I think about it all now? As many of you know, he eventually picked up and left for OW. You also all know that people don't just change their habits. The OW can now deal with the hairy bush. NO way he's keeping up with it all these years later. Enjoy!!


Me: now 38
Him: up and left for OW
OW: old maid mid thirties with biological clock ticking, desparate for a man.
Divorced the cheater - 8/2011
Married the most AMAZING man - 10/2013

Posts: 797 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: NJ
stunnedmullet
♀ Member
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH shaved for her too, apparently she didn't shave it all off for him, but who knows? Why would I believe anything he tells me about her


DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

Us together 20 years, married 17 and 6 kids

I always thought I was enough but obviously not!


Posts: 217 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H&L, the more I read about your situation, the happier I get that the biggest liability is about to walk out of your life! Great news!

Btw, have you considered counselling (maybe in-school counselling) and support groups for for the kids?

Best wishes


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 337 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was what told me he was cheating. Pubes in the bathroom garbage. it was a requirement of the whore. On her website, she "required trimmed or shaved pubes, fresh breath and no body odor". And he accommodated. He doesn't understand how insulting it is, to me, for him to have put so much effort into a woman he PAID to have sex with him, when I get the full days stink and cigarette breath.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get how triggery it is, I really do. But IMO it is not disgusting for a woman to decide not to shave/wax etc. Having a 'big bush' is normal/natural and hearing people say it's disgusting feels like an attack on womanhood. It's a woman's choice, either way, and not something she should be judged for.

But I totally hear you on the only bothering to groom themselves for the AP. The Arse hardly ever showered...except when he was seeing an AP. I knew it was false R when he decided to start exercising every day, again. I don't think it's a sign of disrespect exactly, but more that they know we love them warts and all....and the AP doesn't.

[This message edited by Softcentre at 8:49 AM, July 28th, 2014 (Monday)]


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1098 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking the same thing, Softcentre. I felt a little slighted, but I understand people have preferences. And no one here was personally attacking MY junk, even if they insulted what my junk looked like!


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
charliboy321
♀ New Member
Member # 42803
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems that it's standard for a cheating spouse ,
I too waxed ex husbands back for 6 months prior to finding out about his 'friend' . I waxed his back every Sunday apparently for the gym as he didn't like to show others how hairy he was , I also shaved his neck and shoulders on a weekly basis and he started trimming his bits.
I was to blind to see what was right in front of me because I trusted him with my life. Wonder if she waxes his back for him now !!


BS 40 me
WH 41
dd1 17,ds 15,ds2 13
OW 50 3 children
met 1988,together 22 years he lives with OW and has done from 2 months after DDay
dday june 2010

Posts: 21 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: england
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Geesh reading this thread is so weird.

My wayward suddenly starting shaving his nether regions and armpits, too.

It was unusual and when I asked him what was up, he said it was to keep odor down.

Whether that was true or his OW just wanted him to shave, it upsets me that for years he did not worry about any odor, but he meets her and all of sudden he jumping through her hoops.

I saw emails in which she complained of her husband's chest being too hairy and disgusting.

Didn't she know her husband was hairy on the chest before agreeing to marry him.

I so lost respect for my husband for jumping through her hoops like a trained idiot.

What is it about affair partners and the hair removal thing.

It seems to be very common in affairs.


“If two people truly have feelings for one another then they don’t have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Softcentre / Steadfast -

My apologies, I could have written that a bit better. My only point was that she hasnt taken care of certain items for me, but will for him. She used to without asking when we were dating, but immediately quit after we got married.

Again, I'm sorry for offending anyone reading my rant.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the lazy part: How many women do you know use hair dryer, flat iron, etc. then leave them hanging from the plugs in the walls? How many get dressed and leave a pile of old clothes next to tub and new clothes that don't fit etc. on bedroom floor? Take a cup of whatever into the living room, then leave the glass on the floor? Plate on the coffee table? Piles and Piles and PILES OF SHIT EVERYWHERE?

Regarding the hairdryer, I am a very neat person but that is one thing I also do -- I leave the hairdryer and flat iron plugged in, dangling from counter, every day. The reason being, I guess I "don't have time" (ie just don't want to take the time) to put it away/take it out each and every day (I use every single day).

As for the remainder --- just a lazy, messy person who has no regard for their co-habitants. Nevermind its setting a HORRIBLE example for the children in the house.


Posts: 522 | Registered: Feb 2014
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread reminds me of my husband shaving his junk after he came home from his trip where he cheated. He pointed out to me that he trimmed and it immediately made me suspicious. In the 25 years we'd been married at the time, he had never trimmed. Later, when he admitted to the physical aspects of the affair, he insisted that he had never trimmed for her and only did it for me because he thought he would reciprocate for me always staying neat and clean for him. I still think he's full of shit. In any case, I told him not to bother doing something he'd never done now because it's yet another reminder of him cheating due to the timing of his sudden consideration even if it is unrelated.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4265 | Registered: Sep 2005
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HAL, I hear you,maybe just a touch more tact/empathy another time?

But yes, them doing things for the AP is deeply hurtful. On our 14th anniversary last year, just after he'd left, The Arse went out for an expensive meal with Fat Bottomed Girl. He'd only ever taken me out for one expensive meal...the year before,when he felt guilty for cheating (pre-dday), oh, and it was Fat Bottomed Girl's suggestion, apparently


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1098 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like he was already in an A or searching for one from your description. Have you pressed for more answers?

We are 4 years out today. I pressed for answers, but nothing new has surfaced in years. I 80% believe him, but I don't think I will ever know the truth. I think the complete shave was from all the porn he was obsessively watching (it effect his daily life) and his mindset was starting to change and be open to a possible A.

To the Menz, grooming is appreciated, but shaving everything off so that there is stubble within a day or so is not even close to be attractive or fun. Ingrown hairs caused by the complete shave make it even worse. I will admit to a chuckle knowing he was using my cordless horse clippers, and didn't have a clue that's what they were.


Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 1006 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is going to get a chuckle or two but this subject also triggers me. My WW didn't shave down there for the first few years of our marriage but began doing so and wanted me to do it too so what the hell right? I'm shaving my junk for her and it itches like crazy but I didn't mind. Here comes the affair and she's stopped shaving? I was like WTF? I'm all itchy and you stop? She just started "trimming" herself during the affair. Here comes DDAY and the guy is the same age as her father. I guess back in his day hair just wasn't an issue "classic quote from American Pie".

It angered me quite a bit and I asked the real reason why she stopped and she told me it was uncomfortable and all that. My take is that she didn't want the other man to see her with ingrown hairs and he may have even asked her to grow it out a bit. She always loved doing it before but in walks AP and she stops. Pisses me off to this day that she maintains that it wasn't for him. After DDay she's been shaved every since. The small details burn me up just like the big ones regarding the ugly mess she brought into our lives.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 627 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
ophelia24
♀ Member
Member # 38438
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It makes me want to drive to their state and set her crotch on fire.

^^^^^^^


“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
― James Baldwin

Posts: 283 | Registered: Feb 2013
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, this is triggering me all of the sudden. I am wondering if he shaved BEFORE his first "we started but we stopped" incident, or after? I really can't remember at what point that started, but it sure speaks to intent, doesn't it? I guess at a year into R that really is irrelevant. She had his baby, for pities sake - who cares about intent at this point. Blah. So many questions I wish I had thought to ask, and after a certain point it kind of feels too late.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leaving messes can be a sign of depression. In the distant past when I experienced severe depression it was all I could do to stay curled up in the fetal position, and when it was moderate it was excruciatingly difficult to make any non essential motions, which meant stuff got cluttered really fast. Mild.. can vaguely keep stuff in order. Anything lighter than that and things start getting in extremely good order again.

Or you know, laziness too... just please don't paint everyone who's messy with the same brush.



Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 846 | Registered: Nov 2012
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I get to join this group too. The Fucktard Ex Spousal Unit one day shaved himself bald, everything. He had a gorgeous hairy chest and I loved it but he shaved every thing off and asked me to shave his back. I thought it was weird at the time but it wasn't until two years later that I found out he had joined AFF at that time. So, whether he cheated then or not isn't something I'm worried about anymore since I divorced his evil ass. Ick.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JFTR, the whole shaved privates thing came from porn films...the money shot. Can't see the money shot if it's covered with hair so the porn actors/actresses started the trend. Frankly I like a thin landing strip for myself and I haven't had sex in four years, I just like to be clean.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
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