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User Topic: which forum?
Neznayou
♀ Member
Member # 40654
Question  Posted: 1:08 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Which forum do you find the most helpful?
BS, why are you here in Wayward?
WS, do you go into Reconciliation?
If this is a website for healing and recovery and overcoming our fucked-up-ed-ness, what's with the Fun And Games and Off Topic forums? Do you go there? Why?
Danke.


Me: WW
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
Admitted PA: 12 Aug 2012
TT ended: Jan 2014

"Power, Lincoln, real power comes not from hate, but from truth."


Posts: 311 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: America to Europe
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Which forum do you find the most helpful?

It changes from day to day but I mostly post in NB.

BS, why are you here in Wayward?

I'm never here. Your topic title caught my attention.

If this is a website for healing and recovery and overcoming our fucked-up-ed-ness, what's with the Fun And Games and Off Topic forums?

F&G showed me that it was okay to still laugh once in a while despite what I've been through. I'm so glad it's there. Laughter is like medicine.

I go to OT because people here are my friends. I've been here for years and sometimes, just like IRL, you want the opinion of the people around you that know you best. SI people know me better than people IRL.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3070 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
steadychevy
♂ Member
Member # 42608
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I frequent JFO and Wayward mostly. I have been on General and also Reconciliation.

I am a BH. I find some very helpful responses from WS. They wield some fairly healthy 2X4. I find the understanding of the psychology so helpful from those who have really worked on their issues. I also find the advice they provide about working with the process of helping their BS very beneficial for me.

I haven't been to any other forum than the ones I mentioned above. I spend so much time reading here that I cannot look at anything else. Perhaps someday I will be where Myname is but I am not there now.

I wish I had found SI when I first started suspecting adultery back in 2002. I would have done so many things differently. I feel like I did just about everything wrong. The JFO and Wayward and the threads resulting from the initial question are so valuable.


BH(me)63
WW-57
M 37 years
DDay1-09/1/13;DDay2-10/13;DDay3 12/19/13
LTA-09/02-11/02 EA;12/02-?/06 PA
OM -COW
"dates" w/3 former lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment;years of lies, denial

Posts: 137 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spend most of my time in the wayward forum and post here most often. Occasionally I go to R but never really start threads cuz it seems to be more for BS. I read JFO and G but rarely post cuz its more for BS.

I do like the OT forum just because it can be about anything and some of the topics are interesting. I think its a good way to make connections with other people where the BS or WS labels dont matter as much.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 880 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read all of the forums except for the book club. I can't post in JFO because of my madhatter status, and tbh, I go there very rarely because the pain is SO raw and I get so angry at some of the situations, and am afraid I will forget where I am and post. I am so grateful for this forum and what it did for my family that I do not want to disrespect MH and DS, or any of the mods/administrators by intentionally violating a guideline.

I can't really say which forum is most helpful, because it depends on where I am at, so to speak. If I'm in pain or angry and need to vent, General is where I need to be. When things are really, really good and I want to share, or when things are sticky and I need advice, then Reconciliation is the place. I come to Wayward because it gives me so much hope when I see new waywards, who are either full of justification and fog, or full of regret and disbelief that they have done something so awful and then watch their transformation as they ask questions, seek advice and work to make themselves better, safer people to be with. Every now and then, I feel like I have something to offer and will answer on a thread. There are several posters who were incredibly helpful during my H's early days posting here, and it's a way I feel I can "give back" a little.

I read in D/S and in NB because many of the posters that I got to know in General and Recon have moved into those forums and I like to keep up with them. Also, my 1st M ended in D due to infidelity, and I remember a lot of the feelings and issues there, so feel I can offer some support/help from time to time.

And OT and F&G are awesome, because as time goes by, you realize that your life is more than just this shitstorm that brought us all to this specific website. And it's a really great community. It's cool to have a place that I can bring some really deep and personal prayer requests in a somewhat anonymous forum and know that people care and will pray/offer support and good thoughts. Or to ask off the wall questions that might bring strange looks or pity from your IRL friends/coworkers/family if you asked them. (The TMI threads definitely come to mind here.)

And Stupid Picture Friday is one of the best things about Friday in my life. (I would have said THE best, but y'all might think I was pathetic."


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2816 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
WalkinOnEggshelz
♀ Member
Member # 29447
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Which forum do you find the most helpful?

I consider the Wayward Forum "home base". I always start browsing here. I think this protected forum is what makes SI so unique. I honestly do not think I would be where I am today without it. I do venture into Recon and I Can Relate as well. I am a habitual lurker on the Menz thread (sorry guys). But I think hearing it straight is pretty useful in the healing process. I also occasionally will post in the BS questions for WS's.

Honestly, where I go depends on what is happening on the boards overall. I don't always have a lot of time to post what I want so I look for things that grab me in that moment.

When it comes to Fun and Games? I just started venturing over there around the past year, give or take. It's that Forum that is responsible for the G2G's. One of the most amazing experiences and I recommend it for any member! There is a certain comfort in hanging out with people that truly understand what you have been through. F&G is well, fun and I am glad I am in a place to finally enjoy all those that hang out over there!

What do you find most useful Neznayou?



Me: WS 42
Him: BH 43(HoldingTogether)
M: 18years, together 22
2 Daughters: 13 and 10
D Day: 7/24/2010; TT to 10/17/10
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

Posts: 741 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a MH so I hang around in Wayward and in General 90% of the time. I do post in Recon if there's something I think I can help with but mainly I steer clear because I'm not in R.

F&G and OT are great because they offer an opportunity to talk and have fun with some of the most amazing people I know. My life is more than infidelity.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1258 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Which forum do you find the most helpful?

Current, NB.


BS, why are you here in Wayward?

I VERY rearly post in Wayward, but I read a LOT. It gives me hope. I know everyone has the capacity to cheat (my opinion) That means if I ever get into another relationship, there is a chance I'll find myself going down this road again. Wayward side gives me hope that some people DO get it, and change. I don't think I'd ever be able to get into another relationship if I didn't believe that.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Recon - because that's where I'm at right now.
However, Wayward has been the most helpful to me because I was a wayward. When I came here and said I was going to confess you wouldn't believe the support I received. I learned so much about myself as a wayward and I credit THIS SITE because the books, IC and MC don't do it right - how to hold yourself accountable. That's why I desperately wish my hubby would read and post here.

I wish I could post more in JFO and the stop signs here but my MH status prevents me. That's ok, I am learning a lot and hopefully paying it forward

I have been here a long time. I feel like I have a PHD in this stuff. now if I could just follow my own advice.

I occasionally veer off into F and G and Off Topic. I do post in books because that's what I do for a living.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5344 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Lark
♀ Member
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmm right now I hop all over
JFO - I'm not even two months out. So I feel very JFO a lot of the time and still trying to understand how to process it.
Reconciliation - we're trying to work on it and through it, so R is helpful in dealing with the strong feeling sof hurt, betrayal, but also working forwards
General - I like to see topics where BS and WS are both talking. It isn't focused on a general direction like R, isn't raw pain like JFO. It's relevant topics.

I have started looking at some topics in Wayward because I find the thoughts and perspectives of WS to be insightful in understanding things that my husband has a difficult time - or isn't quite able to yet - articulating.


“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore

Posts: 785 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
SelfishHusband
♂ Member
Member # 43174
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting question. I had the same thought when I arrived here. "Fun and Games"? Seriously, is that appropriate? But I understand now that once the initial devastation is dealt with, it's nice having a community and place to go where others have been down the same road. Many of us have lost our facebook and twitter and whatever privileges, and SI is our lifeline. So what better place to come to and check in with.

For me, obviously the wayward forum is home base, but I'll look in the other forums as well. I guess it's self-flagellation of sorts, i.e. I deserve to read about the raw pain of others because they suffer as much as my BW. She could be treating me a lot worse than she has, and for that I'm grateful and humble.
I'll go into reconciliation to (hopefully) read about positive stories of success. I'll go into D/S so I can see what those folks are going through where it didn't work out, since I'm trying to expect the worst while hoping for the best.

Once, I wanted to reply to something in JFO because I understood exactly what they were talking about in regards to their situation and their WS and then I didn't because I realized what forum I was in.

I haven't been posting much lately because I realize that it takes time to read and reply to people and I want to make sure the newbies get the attention they need. My problems are nothing compared to what some folks have gone through.

There's some very specific and highly useful threads in "I can relate" so I've been exploring those randomly as well lately.

I haven't participated in the fun and games and off topic stuff (yet). I feel like there's already lots of established friendships and stuff here. And I can't imagine meeting any of you in person. I mean, in theory, we have our infidelities in common, but how embarrassing that would be, considering the things I've admitted to here in open forum :) I'd be mortified. I doubt BW would condone or agree to any such meetups anyway for us. Yikes.


Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: 13 Years
1 Handsome and Amazing Son (10)

Posts: 400 | Registered: Apr 2014
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a habitual lurker on the Menz thread (sorry guys).
*Gasp*


I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2185 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a habitual lurker on the Menz thread (sorry guys).

*raises hand*

Me too! It's been one of the most helpful threads for me.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1258 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Neznayou
♀ Member
Member # 40654
Default  Posted: 4:54 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do your husbands feel about the lurking in Menz? I feel like it is his space and although I've been there, I definitely feel like I don't belong.


Me: WW
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
Admitted PA: 12 Aug 2012
TT ended: Jan 2014

"Power, Lincoln, real power comes not from hate, but from truth."


Posts: 311 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: America to Europe
Neznayou
♀ Member
Member # 40654
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WalkingOnEggShelz, I'm a slow learner. I haven't spent nearly as much time here as I probably should have been all along. I now usually come right here to Waywards (because I am one). Sometimes I go into Recon because that's where we are. In the past, I've had a hard time sorting through what applies to me, what doesn't, and how to apply information to my situation without throwing up my hands, saying "ah ha! That's it!" and quitting. Also, the more I internalize the notion that any communication is better than restricted comm's, the more relaxed I feel about posting here.


Me: WW
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
Admitted PA: 12 Aug 2012
TT ended: Jan 2014

"Power, Lincoln, real power comes not from hate, but from truth."


Posts: 311 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: America to Europe
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neznayou, my husband doesn't use SI at all so doesn't post on the Menz thread.

I read there for three reasons; firstly, in the beginning the posts by those guys really helped me to get it. My husband doesn't talk much and it's good to get some insight into what he's going through from a male perspective. Secondly, despite their pain they're pretty funny and thirdly, Losfer posts pictures of Koda in there and those photos always brighten up my day.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1258 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JFO (i think???) and general. I didn't JFO, but I try to help those that are new to this. General because it's been a while. I do post in Recon and WS, and I should go to the other forums, but I don't.

Why do I post in/read WS? Because the biggest question I (and almost every other BS) have is 'Why?'. I'm not going to learn that in JFO or general - but I learn a lot in WS.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My "home base" (like that term) is Recon, but I read regularly here on Wayward. I find it very healing to see Waywards working through their stuff, just like we BSes are. I have found more insight here than other places on SI, and actually fewer triggers.

I kind of avoid General, but get sucked in sometimes. It is too negative for me. I need a positive ending right now!

I'll cruise other places when the SI "itch" hasn't been scratched, but always know that I might get triggered.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 8:02 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2081 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I skim all the forums. Menz thread too. That thread is a huge source of information. Half the time I don't get all the fandom, gamer, sport, beer references, but all that aside, it's a wealth of information. They've given me a window into QS's head and heart.

Thank Jesus for OT and F&G. People here helped me figure out what type of plates I had and what glasses matched. (They were antique) They helped me get stains out of some heirloom pieces. They've given me tips on hair removal, martial arts, and TR posts some wicked APOD photos every now and then.

F&G may seem inappropriate when your eyeballs deep in Dday fallout. But as you heal, F&G is a nice place to kick back and chill. I've had the honor and pleasure of going to a couple g2gs and met some of the members here. Wouldn't have happened without F&G. These folks are lifetime friends.

SI as a whole is pretty awesome.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6333 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Topic Posts: 19

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